First, I'd kind of forgotten the detail or got it wrong concerning him. But more importantly, I had not realized -- at ALL, in fact I'd even forgotten some of these things until I re-read them today!! -- that in a way, Nero was working on the same stuff with me eons ago as we are doing now -- but I never finished. So apparently when I start back up, there we are! Like I never left off. The approach with IG is different but when I saw the accounts of him previous I realized it's all basically tying into the same dynamic.
Here is a summary of my work with him from previous other-blog entries.
June 2006:
So I visualized sitting here and syncing with my third eye and then looking to my upper left where I had been for the girl.
I nearly jumped back in my mind---a man was standing there right in front of me! I thought WOW, that's clearer than usual and right-there-ready.
He was maybe mid-20's to mid-30's, hard for me to place an age. I was kind of astonished to see him there.
I thought, is this some part of me I don't want to see for some reason? I wonder why? I just looked at him for a little while.
"Are you part of me?" I finally asked.
"Yes," he said, nodding.
"Why would I not want to see you?" I asked him, wondering, if he is some aspect of myself, I don't see anything that odd about him, why would I be rejecting that?
He grinned, reminding me of the 'Mat' character in WoT, as if he knew my thoughts and said with a laugh, "I don't know!"
I realized that I shouldn't allow myself to be distracted.
"I'm doing psychic work at the moment," I said seriously. "I want to know the target info. That's all I want to do right now. Can you help me do that?"
"Will you come see me if I do?" he haggled.
I stared at him, nonplussed as I hadn't expected anything like that.
"Um. Are you sure you're a part of me?" I asked again, warily.
"Yes," he said, looking like he might laugh--in a good way though--any moment.
"What's your name?" I said, putting off commitment for a moment more.
"Nero."
"Nero?" I say, breaking into an actual giggle. "You have got to be kidding me."
"I am not kidding," he assured me with a droll quirk to his lips, but otherwise seriously.
I thought about it.
"OK," I agreed. "So I will... ah, just meditate and call you, is that all that is required?"
"That's all that's required," he told me.
And then:
June 2006:
There must have been about 12-16 other people there. [...] I gathered up my courage and agreed, and turned to greet them. And there he was. Nero, the mischeviously grinning dark haired man who had bargained with me earlier. [...] My relationship within the four is of one nature; the added people are more than an expansion, they are more like a... like a different nature of connectivity. Tonight I am going back to talk with the three and see if I can better understand the point of it all, and what they would like of me. Oh yeah. And I have a date with Nero.
And then:
June 2006:
Well, I had promised. So I went back into the inner world to call on Nero. Why any guide would choose a name like that I have no idea. Maybe Ghengis and Napolean were already taken.
He has dark hair, very straight, short and shaggy. Medium to dark complexion, a heck of a strong nose, and dark, intense eyes. A smile that melts me, a grin that makes me giggle and an intensity that is a little bit frightening.
I tell myself that either my imagination is improving by leaps and bounds or something in the last six months has really broken free inside me (and I hope it isn't what's left of my mind), because I previously couldn't 'see' any guide at all, and I could never hear them. It's long been my biggest gripe, that I had 'awareness' of their presence but I could not see or hear them. Yet I could see him fairly clear all things considered, and hear him as well.
I still have a little bit of a resistance---I have to distract myself slightly in order to get what he is saying, or analytical ego will try to forcibly create my expectations instead. It is an actual Art or skill all its own, interacting with anything and anybody in the psyche-psychic realms; a combination of holding a focus yet releasing a control that walks a fine borderline of attention that I am not sure everybody would be able to do.
So according to Nero, I have shifted into a... new level of perception. But the way he put it made it sound like everybody else had stepped back and I accidentally 'volunteered' to accomplish something; it sounded more like a job than an opportunity. I think I would have liked it better if he'd been suggesting that I am happily evolving and he had arrived to serve me. Heh. Aren't I the center of the universe. But instead it sounded a lot more like I had finally done something I should have done ten years ago and he'd been called in for job training.
He suggests that I'll be getting into areas where more "proactive" psychic efforts are called for. He is there to help force me to 'see' what I need to see and would otherwise block; and to mentor me in whatever 'proactive' psi he is talking about (I am severely fuzzy on those details), and to protect me until I can protect myself, a topic which rather unnerved me. Last I heard, I was still going on about how since we create our own reality I just won't believe in anything bad and la-ti-da the world will go fine. (Would someone please inform the IRS? They appear to be violating my Pollyanna's Rules for Reality.)
I ended up committing to allowing him to override protective systems that would prevent my conscious awareness of things that he specifically chooses to have me aware of. Let's hope that doesn't come back to haunt me. Literally.
And then:
June 2006:
I just can't figure what is up with my viewing except that apparently I'm going through some internal ... change. Or something. I also can't remember the details now of the meditation/session mix (accidental alas) that led into things last night. Suffice to say that Nero seemed to get aggravated at my utter inability to pay attention to anything for more than about 1.4 seconds. EricT calls it OLAP viewing, the RV attention deficit disorder: Yes, blue... stone, and curved at the -- oh look, a pony!
So Nero (sounding nothing like the kinder, gentler soul I thought guides were supposed to be) tells me that until I can learn to hold focus decently he wants to see me visualizing red-light triangle outlines until they are utterly clear visually in my mind and remain that way without front-brain (as I call it) effort.
I had this ping in my head when he said this, but it wasn't until I was into trying it that I recalled this is what the Inner Guide said to me way back in January, though he had also added white circle-outlines after that. So I'm guessing that what I dropped off doing back then, I am doing now. It's so basic it's embarrassing. This is magick 101.
But I have to admit he's right that my focus, which used to be nearly profound, is now really fragmented. He did help at least enough to show me that a slow turning of the shape actually seems to help hold it for some reason. I need more work on getting it fixed and then turning my attention away on the 'surface' but holding it. Damn it, I used to be so great at this stuff. Maybe 20 years of sleep deprivation and workaholism is finally showing my fraying at the edges.
When I finally got to my session, I was trying to hold the visualizing focus so since I didn't know how I could do both (and he clearly wanted me to). So I imagined it getting so big it was like a doorway around me, and hence wasn't in my face, so I could concentrate on viewing.
After a bit (I thought to show me an example of how clear the visual of the triangle should be), he popped a shape in front of me, a rectangle-outline with the corners rounded, made of silver metal, flat but a few inches wide, and it turned, in utter clarity in my head. I had to admit I was impressed at how this seemingly 99%-autonomous identity in my head could produce something in my mind with 4x the clarity I could. I couldn't seem to get my red triangle-outlines anywhere near that well done.
Eventually feedback arrives and the shape he was showing me was literally the central shape/material of the middle of the target (which had diverse components). And I had thought what he was doing was unrelated to my session! Which seems a rather obvious problem one might have if they can't keep what they are doing---viewing, vs. meditating---separate.
But I go to view lately and you see what I get---weird stuff, alleged other-lives, and so-called Guides. Sheesh. Guides, of all things. I admit, I feel like a total moron even using that label, given the general intellect of many others I've heard using it over time. Who with half a brain would admit to stupid junk like this?
And then:
July 2006:
My sense was that all these new aspects as a total package are like... hmmn. I used to call the four elementals of soul, "the linoleum theory," like how you look down at some tile and each four create a whole pattern, but then each of the four are linked in different positions into several other 4-patterns, too. Plus, of course, larger patterns. Well it is like maybe I got "the next ring out," like say 16 or whatever, more tiles all around us. I know that all those identities are part of me and when I am able to accept them, and basically "extend myself through them" in doing so, there will be some benefit to this, more power, more identity, more whatever it is that we think is evolutionary. For whatever reason I am having a difficult time with that apparently.
I had such a problem with Nero---I was completely incapable of merging with him at all---that I asked him and my inner guide (who I called to me for the occasion) and they both said sure, I can work in the tower, with these parts of me, just like I work with archetypes. So I laid him out on a medical table and looked at him, knowing there would be something up since I was having such issues with him.
I kept finding these big, kind of heavy-metal pieces of stuff in him, like formed stainless steel pieces of some structure or object that had gotten somehow half-deep into him. I would take each of them out gently, dissolve them and dump them into the waste grill under my feet to be washed out of the body. I turned him over and finally, the last major visible issue was this really big heavy all-metal knife that was in his back but down toward the lower right side a bit. I worked carefully on getting it out of him without pain, and then decided when I breathed and counted to 3 I would totally "let go of the part of myself that is that knife" and transmute the now-seems-separate energy into gold light at the same time. To my astonishment when I did this, it was a totally body-rocking amazing rush of buzzing energy. So... I guess it did SOME good.
And then:
October 2006:
The dream later felt like a story created for me, more than the other types of dreams I have. I was in a multi-story building with many friends whom I don't currently know. We were at war with another group of people, and they had a monster, like a giant who looked bizarre, and we were trying to make the big house a fortress of sorts. A man we knew well came to visit us, and began telling us the most fascinating story. It was so fascinating that we just stood there, enthralled, as he spun it out. And when he was done, he stepped aside and we realized that he was working for the bad guys -- and while we were all distracted, his people had let in the monster. Everybody scrambled in different directions, as it lumbered into the big room where we were.
I started to panic. What can I do?! I thought desperately.
And then I saw Nero. Remember Nero? I see him more often now, in meditations; this is the first time I've ever seen him in a dream. (And I might be inventing that it was him, but I feel more sure all the time that it was.) He was standing calmly in the center of the room, as if he had appeared just to answer my question.
"There is always a doorway out," he said. "Always. You have to look for it while holding yourself in a state of faith -- a suspension of disbelief -- you have to accept that it IS there, in order to create the space for that probability to come through." I tried to do this, imagining that something would fall in front of the monster to slow him down at the same time some opening would come for me, and I told myself to believe it and feel happily-optimistic that "it could happen!" and sure enough, it happened. Later, in a different situation on a high floor with bad guys closing in on me, I found myself in panic again, and Nero appeared and reminded me. He talked me through it, until the situation had a break and I found a way out.
This situation repeated, each time unique, like 100 times in the dream.
And then:
February 2007:
I merged with Nero while I was there by the way. I didn't mean to. I just threw my arms around him and hugged him and it started happening, so I accepted that and participated and it was really intense. Very cool.
So that is my history with Nero, in a nutshell. Now looking back at that dream; although the approach is different, doesn't it seem like that is basically the same fundamental dynamic that I just got yesterday?
Like I screwed up -- two YEARS ago I had this info and I didn't work on it and didn't pursue it and barely meditated -- and so when I finally get around to doing it, there it is -- as if the lesson still has to be waded through, whether I wait a year or ten or a lifetime. Sheesh! What IG is apparently covering with me today, I started all that time ago, but never did anything with.
Still I found that kind of interesting, in part because I had completely forgotten about a couple of those meetings.
PJ
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