Knock Knock, Neo

Tonight when I began my meditation, I stopped in my outer 'sacred space', a high cliff desert plateau. I considered the 'sense' of my outer guides here and there around me. I wondered why it is I perceive them there. Are they always there? Do they have placeholders in case I show up? Does that space represent my more immediate time/space or energy fields where they are always present? And why can I not see them clearly?

At times in the past I've had experiences with them. A few times I've sort-of seen one or two. A couple times they've interacted with me and shown me something offbeat they said they wanted me to remember them by since I was both deaf and blind to them (only 'sense' got me that info), like 'orange' or 'giant'. The only one that I ever saw with clarity was Brin. I was so stunned by HOW clearly I saw him, how unbelievably physically and in detail I saw him, that I spent most of the time gaping like a geek and re-re-exclaiming, "Oh my god! I can SEE you! I can see you so well!" as if it helped to say that 20 times.

I don't know why I let him go that day, some time later. I've never had the urge to do that with any other guide. I like the idea of having a guide, someone I can see, and I wish I had another. I told Nero recently I want to see him better. At times I have seen him pretty well but not for quite awhile.

I once saw an outer guide pretty well who seemed like a young man. I asked him if he wanted to come into my inner guide meditation with me and he agreed. He seemed utterly blown away by it for some reason though. The next time I showed up to meditate, he had like 20 other people with him, and I had the overlay of like an edu thing, like he brought his whole college class or something. I let them come in with me to the inner space. That meditation didn't go so well as it turns out, my fault not theirs. They were rowdy at first and I had to scold them to calm down a couple times but they did. Anyway, I'm not even sure what question I should be asking. Only that if guides exist--and as retarded as it sounds to my logical mind, they do seem to--then it seems like 'awareness' of this ought to provide some advantage. Like you could work with them better somehow, if you knew.

Anyway I pondered all the outer guides, wondering if there is something I am supposed to be DOing with them. Like is there some huge potential that I am missing, when I just go right past them every time I meditate? If there is no reason for them to be there, then why are they there? It seems like that ought to 'mean' something. Isn't that the whole point after all -- that everything 'means' something.

***

I'm having a lot of abreactions still. And I'm starting to forget stuff almost immediately after doing it, which makes blogging it even more important I guess. I must be working on stuff heavier duty than I realize.

I went to see IG but I didn't know what I wanted to meditate on. I told her I'd rather like to do another med on the physiological component related to psi. But I spaced out a little while in front of her.

I came to abruptly when I heard this loud KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. I opened my eyes--because it's an audible sound like something in physical reality--but I realized that although it seemed like I "heard" it, that no, it was actually in my head. I remembered telling a friend recently who had that experience (it's not that uncommon) that someone was knocking and the thing to do is to imagine opening the door.

So I opened a door in my imagination and this really big... um, person thing, came in. Very hard to articulate. A sense of person, of robot, of complexity, large. I said to IG, "Um.... so is this an archetype you would like me to deal with? I didn't ask for it, so it came knocking?" She said yes.

I had a hard time doing much with it and couldn't perceive it clearly. I decided I'm going to try using the geometric energy healing approach with the archs at times, since it worked so amazingly well for that impossibly tall red dragonish arch recently. I felt inside the arch as an 'energy construct' and I felt something many layers in that seemed like a problem.

When I got to it, it was a little different than these things usually feel. I think watching 'The Matrix' earlier today had another influence -- anything visual-dynamic that I watch tends to filter into my meditations as part of the "imaginative toolset" I notice, but that's fine -- I didn't feel like there was a block or a hook, I felt like there was a sort of metal implant. It had a long spike-like thing that went "into" the arch deeply. I followed it to its pointed end and dissolved it all the way back to where it 'attached' at the end of a tubular rod.

But inside the arch's energy it was odd. It wasn't like "empty" then as it normally is when you remove an energy hook. It was like it had its own thin metal 'casing' that the thing had fit into. So I had to dissolve that too, which was part of it, and get it fully out, and then go back yet again and get the energy to 'heal and weave together' from the bottom all the way to the top. It took a bit of time.

Then I got back to the 'rod' that it had been attached to. I had thought that it must be connected to someone else. I felt that it was and yet I hadn't found the end. It was like an irrigation system or something, there were many offshoots of this thin metal piping that went all over, and each one with a special attachment that went deep down into the archetype, and for which the archetype itself had developed some kind of thin metal casing to hold.

It seemed like this was all just taking too long. So I gathered up all the energy I could and then just imagined powerfully doing it all at once, dissolving those long spiky things and and the adapters inside and healing everything. I had a nice energy rush while I was doing that. When finished I pulled a little on it and then let it 'snap back' to wherever it came from. Whatever source it was, was like a constant "drip irrigation" deeply rooted. I had the sense of all of it thwacking-back so hard it knocked someone over. That felt fairly satisfying. ;-)

I said to him, "I'm having constant abreactions but only in my right leg. The calf, the knee and thigh. None anywhere else. Why is it that I am reacting here to you?" And the arch said, "Why don't you do a meditation on the archetype of your right leg." I was dumbfounded. I never thought of meditating on a body part. And yet if our body is manifest energy, and a core part of us, and our memory and so on is throughout our body, then surely every part of the body is a primal part of us. Surely every part of our body has a great deal of symbolic and literal meaning.

When I was done I nearly lost focus for a bit but finally we traded. I gave him my heart, which in my hands felt like a vulnerable beating flower. He gave me his which felt like a powerful pumping strength. Then we merged. I hardly felt anything, but the fact I felt a "little" something is good on its own, and there was a bunch of feel earlier when working on him. So it was ok.

I'd like to do another archmed but literally, I came out of that one, and I could "feel it slipping away" from my memory. I've felt more of that lately. I mean even when I have good ones I often forget them entirely and if I didn't occasionally look back in my blog, that would have been that. I have edited this post while writing to add in a ton of stuff I forgot as I was typing it out. I don't know why but it seems like my level of denial has just amplified considerably. I want to be aware of that problem and compensate for it, help prevent myself doing that kind of thing. So I thought I would write it down and then go back to another med.

I'd like to work on something easier. It gets kind of difficult and demoralizing when everything I'm working on is hard!

Adjustment, Take II

I was determined to make it work. So I began another meditation today. It was just after noon, I was wide awake, the light in the room was good. I wasted no time on trivial things and went straight to IG as fast as I could, since I already went through the zillion-denials last night that barely even let me reach her, let alone the arch once I had.

The moment I arrived and took IG's hands--already my mind trying to escape--and begged her to help hold my attention there, I began abreacting. Muscle spasms went crazy. This is common in hypnotherapy on trauma (of any kind), and seems to be a sign of energy that is being "shunted off" -- vented by the sudden explosive energy of the muscle reaction -- rather than brought all the way through to experience. Usually for me they happen anywhere from the torso to thighs, and usually many at once. Every few seconds I would abreact somewhere.

It is very obvious I have a severe problem with this archetype but I can't really figure out why. It's just a card, just a symbol like anything else, and yes I realize that all Tarot symbols are universal archetypes and extremely powerful, but since I honestly felt this was "my" card, I actually thought it would be fun and easy. My mind wandered. I held my mind fiercely and my body spasmed so intensely I forgot who the hell I was for a moment. But I began again. And again. And again. And...

Finally I blurted out, "I can't get near you or touch you or perceive you well, but fine. I will be NEAR you! I will bathe both of us in the same things." And I brought down pouring rain and light and wind and more. I actually had some degree of merge-like sense while the various things were happening like that. I told her/it, "I want to know you." And then I had this insight. We had just watched 'The Matrix'. The insight was something like, "You are in denial and avoidance because she is Truth. Real Truth. All the parts of you that hide from the Truth -- of who you really are, mostly, of who you are meant to be, of the potential you run from -- they fear her light. Exposure to her will destroy and kill the lies that make up a good part of your reality and hide you from things you don't want to know. Of course your subconscious is acting terrified."

I turned to IG and said, "Give it to me. I want the red pill! I want to know the truth. Even if it's horrible. I want to KNOW." And she opened her hand and I grabbed the red pill and swallowed it and let myself imagine that it was affecting me and breaking down some barriers inside me and making me more receptive to 'Adjustment' the archetype. I asked what she wanted from me to trade energy and she or it (whatever) said, "All of you." That was a little odd and slightly threatening, but I imagined just falling into her completely and giving up myself. Then I realized I needed to shift my perspective back to 'me' so she could share something with me. She seemed to work for a really long time on something (miraculously I had no real trouble staying focused during that) and then finally there was a medical table.

I laid down, thinking it odd--normally that's something I might do for an archetype, not the other way around!--and she had some giant ball of energy rather like the spheres on the card. She pulled off a handful of it and it pulled like some cross between taffy and cotton candy, and she stuffed it into my forehead. She did this with every chakra, but also my upper chest, and then she did it with my knees and feet, inner elbow area and hands, ears and eyes. Never had an arch go to quite that much trouble before. When done I asked if we could attempt to merge anyway, though my hopes were not high, and she agreed, but although we did, I had no real sense of her.

I went to IG and said, please help me work on this at all times, until I am clear with her. There must be something major connected with this symbol that I really need work on, for me to react that badly, and to have such trouble doing the meditation at all. She agreed, and I had a flash of her eyes. I don't see her yet -- only that she's a bit taller than me and during the ritual I got that she had a lot of dark hair -- but I kind of saw her eyes. I thought that whatever I just did must have made her slightly more visible to me, as our energy got a little more compatible.

So... the meditation finally happened, which is a big success on its own, but did not go well at all. I will go back in tonight and work on something else. I hope to come back to Adjustment, thought.

Thoth: Adjustment

Eons ago, for the first time in my life at the time (mid-90s), I looked all through a Tarot deck. It happened to be the Thoth tarot. I slowly went through looking at each card as an art form, since I knew nothing about it and had no interest in Tarot anyway.

When I got to the card "Adjustment" I knew that it was "my" card. I don't know what this means or how it could be. I just "intuitively understood" that. I wondered if maybe Tarot represents our reality and everybody has 'a card'. I had heard a lot of people talk about this online in CompuServe's "New Age" forum for the previous year or two, but they were always things like "The Empress" or whatever. "My" card seemed almost boring and certainly less glamorous by comparison, and I felt slightly disappointed, but with humor. Since that time, I've accepted that this is "my card" but without any real interest in what that might mean for some reason.

Out of the blue day before yesterday I had gotten an idea about something to meditate on. And then yesterday out of the blue I got the idea to meditate on Thoth's "Adjustment" and its deeper archetypal meaning. I realized that IG is the source of these spontaneous insights, which hit when I am minding my own business doing something else. I think she wants me to think it's my idea. I told my boyfriend that and he laughed. He said "That's what you get for having a woman IG now! All the ideas will come from her but she'll let you think it's YOUR idea." That seems pretty funny.

Well so I thought I would meditate on that last night as my first request and then do one IG wanted. I went to bed early enough to make it happen. I lit incense and a small votive and did what I could to make it a ritual. But it was HARD. I had to drag myself back to the meditation a dozen times before I even got to the cave! I had dragged myself back a good two dozen times before I ever even made it to IG!

I hadn't expected it would be hard. To me it's just a tarot card; so what? But this is probably the hardest med I have tried to do in I can't remember how long, if I could barely even GET there and only with immense self discipline. And my mind kept sliding right off and I would yell, "Freeze! Now back up... what was I doing..." until I finally got back to realizing I was trying to meditate on adjustment and would go back to what I was doing. It was just crazy!

When I finally got the arch I couldn't really even see it. I thought it might be a kind of giant version of the being in the card but I wasn't sure. I had a hard time going anywhere near it and in the process of considering it, I passed out into sleep. Which is ridiculous because I was NOT that tired, I was sitting up straight, I was cool, in fact I had actually stopped earlier and changed my position to make sure I was not in an easy-sleep position just because of the difficulties I was having.

So I woke up this morning ticked off that I completely bombed. I'll have to try again today.

As an aside, night before last I dreamed I met a woman and we became wonderful friends. That was after the meditation where the funky machine became a woman and we became friends. And after I got the first ever woman IG. I guess I feel like on some level, my psiche (psyche + psi) is working on that happening in my life.

Well, the kid and I are having something luxurious that we should not be eating that I need to go make, and then we're going to watch The Matrix which she wants to watch for some reason and I haven't seen in eons.

PJ

Inner vs. Outer Energy

Lately I'm in the mood to wax on about this stuff so I decided I should blog on any conversation about it I had to put in writing anyway.

So regarding the part where she plucked the energy-object from you: does an archetype ever request something like this and you don't feel comfortable giving it to them?

You mean, does an archetype ever make you feel wary and worried and unsafe? Hell yes of course, if I had a perfect relationship with them I usually wouldn't be meditating on them in the first place. ;-)

That is part of the point though. You honor them, respect them, and when you really want to run away or refuse them, you make a point to trust them, because that is another way of showing honor, is making a point to give them that. It's a relationship. It takes work.

Sometimes I've had a real problem with an arch and I've just stood there and poured my heart out about how I felt and how sorry I was that I found their giant insect head so revolting and how I wanted to truly know them however they were and I hoped they'd be willing to work with me even though I'm an ignorant dolt sometimes because despite my fear I meant well and I knew they'd be really awesome when I got over my own stuff and accepted them. This is another kind of working with an arch; talking helps too and can make changes, if you are really letting yourself "feel" emotionally during the process and you're being honest.

(As an aside, I once talked to a spider like that and had some cool experience as a result.)

If you feel poorly about the arch, it feels poorly about you. This is all one dynamic, one relationship. Unlike the outer world, it's not like you have relationship A with someone and they have relationship B with you and those might have nothing to do with each other because we inhabit our own perceptual universes. One person can be funny and another offended over the same energy in our outer world because there is so much personal filtering and interpreting on each side. But in the inner world it is ONE relationship. What you feel, they feel. So if you feel distrustful and fearful, that energy is just as much present in them about you.

If I have something I don't feel right about, I ask IG, and following their advice. If for some reason I am not communicating well with IG at that moment or they aren't responding, and I simply could not do something an arch wants for whatever reason, the way I would handle it is like this:

I would tell the arch honestly, "I want to work with you, and if that's what you want, I want to give it to you. But I am afraid. I tell you what. I will give you a bunch of energy of my trust and my fear and my hope that you and I will work better together in the future, and I hope you will accept this and honor this. I will bring you back again so we can try this in the future and I hope I'm less afraid by then." Then I would attempt to summon the energy of those feelings within me, and as much of the energy of 'whatever they wanted' as I could stand to part with to include for them, and I would make it into something and give them that.

The point is, it's a GOOD FAITH endeavor. It is more important to show honor and respect, to be polite and extremely honest, to make yourself care about the arch and about your relationship with it, to summon a degree of gratitude for it, than any of the other mundane details that a meditation might have involved.

I have a hard time trusting that my archetypes aren't going to hurt me, that I have actually healed them and integrated them (which is why my gut instinct is still "Aaagh! Something bad, kill it, kill it!"). I worry that they'll want some part of me or I'll take something from them, and it will be a bad, bad thing.

I kind of understand this, but it made me laugh, because it is actually applying a completely different framework to archmeds than they are based on. Like... mixing metaphors, sort of.

The whole point of an archmed is that you are working with the energies of your reality. Yours... really yours. So the whole point of working with those energies is because they are OF you. It's all you. ALL. YOU. Granted we are all pretty fractalized from ourselves, hence our problems and the archetypes with teeth (heh), but it's all a part of us. If it were not a part of us, there would be no point to doing it at all, and it wouldn't have the power and change effects.

The archetype is you. The energy they hold is you. Sure, we perceive them as separate, which is good thing, because I've had lots of stuff "in me", problems in psyche or health or emotion that seemed damnably difficult to deal with, to know where to start, to know where I could apply the hammer or the wrench. Personalizing something into a 'separate' identity is great because then I can interact with those energies directly. But perceiving them as separate doesn't make them separate.

An arch can't take a part of you in any way that would make it "no longer part of you". The point to sharing parts of each other is because it's all you but you have "become estranged from" the energy that is the archetype, you have developed a sense of separation and of filtered perception. You give it some of what you perceive to be yours, it gives you some of what it perceives to own itself, and the goal is that the 'separation dividing you' will 'blend' with that sharing, and on some level, you will become more aware of the fact that this energy is a part of you.

That is why we try to merge with archetypes at the end of it; we take it unto us because it IS a part of us and we want to become more aware of that and more facile with that energy. We're not merging with something 'other' or merging would be a frightening thing, seen like possession. We're merging with the energies we already own but are estranged from.

I suspect if an arch really wanted something you felt uncomfortable giving, that it would almost be a kind of test. The "trust" it would take for you to allow yourself that vulnerability and hand it over with good faith, would be far more important as a part of the process, than the actual thing handed over.

You can control stuff when you own it. You can't own it when you are separated from it. You have to get to the point where something is truly perceived as "a part of you" and then "their" energies, which were yours all along but inaccessible if not outright problematic, then become "your" energy to work with. Not only does the problem go away then, but you have a little more power in the here and now for everything.

You could do a meditation on "the part of myself I was afraid to give to the arch XYZ" too and that would probably be a good one!

PJ

Personalization, Archmeds, Healing, Realitymeds

I get a lot of email from the public, not much of which I have time to answer. But this one recently, I started to answer, then it became an essay, then I had to write something else as background, and finally I gave up and decided that I must really need to flesh that out, and I should blog it.

So the following post covers:

Personalization
Archetype Meditations
Hands-on Energy Healing
Energy Geometry
A little more on personalization
How to do "Reality Meds" as I called them

The email that sparked this novel:

I came across the following statement on your website: "I believe that what is inside me, is reflected outside me, and that the 'personal relationship' is basically the spiritual 'technology' of "causing change in accordance with one's will" (creation of reality, aka 'magick')."

The first part I understand, because I also experience the inner and the outer as mutually reflective. But I don't understand what is meant by "personal relationship is basically the spiritual technology of causing change in accordance with one's will." Would you explain what that means or point me to a resource explaining it?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Ceremonial Magick is a combination of several kinds of yoga simultaneously: physical, mental, emotional, etc. Magick is yoga-with-drama, I joke. Pretty much every powerful form of working on reality comes down to symbolism: to developing "intuitive" practices that allow you to "experience your inner landscape and its inhabitants" and to interact with that.

Archetype meditations are a direct and full application of "inner landscape work." In the case of Edwin Steinbrecher's book, "The Inner Guide Meditation", they are specifically done with the utilization of an "Inner Guide" to give advice, provide you doses within what you can handle; to protect you and guide you. Having encountered some pretty hairy archetype experiences in my past, I can't imagine doing this kind of thing without an IG. Although IG is wonderful for other reasons too. Steinbrecher seemed to believe that the reason Jung (and others) considered this work the most powerful work "and yet dangerous", was mostly because they did not HAVE an inner guide. The concept had just not come around. But technically, if your mind or spirit can create and populate an entire 'inner landscape', it can certainly create an all-powerful 'managing advisor' or inner guide to walk you through it. I personally think you can apply this kind of framework even to more traditional metaphysical work, as well.

In the end, no matter what model you use, all the models for directly working on the nature of reality amount to 'personalization'. That is to say, developing a personal relationship with a given energy so that you can interact with it. When you and that energy change things "inside" between you, based on your relationship/activity, the outside reality changes -- because the outside is just a reflection. Within days things generally change, following an archmed, though with really good or consistent multiple meds, I've had them change in hours, and even minutes (and sometimes even seconds, but that usually that's more in Reality-meds than Arch-meds).

Reality is based on energy relationships, not object properties. All the 'physical' reality around us is just a whole lot of vibrating energy that we perceive as physical because we're in the same part of the frequency spectrum and the same beat pattern. When we work with energy, it is not a one-step-removed thing. It is not like language, where a word represents a concept, so you are working with something 'here' that is 'referring to' something 'over there'. It is more like the angelic language, where what I perceive as some kind of geometry actually IS the actual THING in question. There is no space or time at a deeper level, and when your archetype appears and you work with it, you are literally working with the energy that "composes" all the physical events and situations and people and places and things and dynamics in question. When we get something symbolic, and we say our archetype "represents" those energies, this is not happening from afar. All those energies combine and "the face they wear" IS the archetype.

In order for us to work with energies, one way or another, we personalize it into a 'thing' or 'experience' -- singular -- so that we can have an interactive relationship with it. We are individuals, and personal relationships are what we do. When we de-personalize things, they become fuzzy, amorphous and even indistinct. 'God' of the personal relationship becomes 'to whom it may concern', a fuzzy energy up there in the clouds, when de-personalized. The "personal relationship" is the one that allows direct change of the energies that reality reflects.

You might say that we have the tools to change reality-- we have a hammer. But until we have a nail, that is pointless. We can consciously bring energies together "inside us" -- or "find them" inside us -- and then, having become a singular thing we can focus on and interact with, they have become that nail.

***

Archetype meditations are the deliberate process of personalizing one or more energies/relationships and working with them. In short, you allow the mind to create a conscious 'dream symbol' to represent something. And then you work with that symbol. So if the energy is an abstract -- an event, a lack of money, a problem relationship, a physical situation -- this lets you put it into a singular form that you CAN have "a personal relationship with" in your internal world. It's pretty difficult to have "a personal relationship" with a work situation, for example. What is a 'situation'? It's an abstract, a cloud-of-somethingness, a cloud-of-effect, sort of. But if your IG gives you an archetype that combines those energies, then you certainly can work with it up close and personal.

When you first begin these, many people can't see or sense much, are sure they're imagining it all, etc. It takes practice, in part because one is building the thought-form of the 'framework' for the meditations with every one we practice. Everything gets more sense-able, more vivid, more spontaneous and surprising, more intense in result, over time. We 'build' that internal world. The archetypes are generally one-off, except some basics, but the framework of the world is strengthened with the energy we give it every time we visit. Some people are really good right off because they already have good visualization and intuitive skills. I had the former but not the latter when I started them, and far too much left-brain (so to speak) interference, so for me it was a lot of work.

The less practiced I am, the less clear my inner world is. The more of a problem I have with an archetype, the more difficult it is for me to see them clearly. When I get a new inner guide, I usually feel intimidated, as if they don't really like or approve of me, although this last one was different. The more altered state I am when doing an archmed, the more easily it flows without my conscious interference, and the more emotional it tends to be. So there are some basics that contribute to these working well. But if you're just starting off and it seems barely-there and you're not altered state at all and your sense of your IG is uncomfortable--that will pass. It's part of the adapting. Consistent practice ("consistency means more than quantity" my current IG told me) will take care of it.

There is a different category of relationship too. There are some archetypes that I appeared to have a close enough relationship to perceive pretty well, either visually or sensually or both, but the relationship was frightening. "Performance" was one; I accidentally asked for THE archetype of performance, not MY archetype, just at a time when I was learning about that difference so I suppose my IG was helping teach me... that was a mistake. I was screaming "Get it off me! Get it off me!" Let's just say that one didn't go well. Another was "Fear of Psi." I thought that would be an easy one because hey, I of all people have no fear there. I've done a few of those and they have all been gut-wrenching combinations of morbid dread and alienish identity-threat. I mean SO frightening that I had to do them in the day, eyes open, visualizing the arch against the wall of the opposite side of the room--and still my whole body reacted with the fear. Sheesh.

It goes without saying that positive archetypes are usually easier to perceive and work with than negative archetypes. So on a good day, do your "Sun" for example. Usually he or she is 'golden' and beautiful and filled with radiant energy. If you want to do "my problems with my father", be prepared to have a fairly taxing internal experience.

There are many techniques that you can employ once you're used to the archetype meditations (archmeds). You can bring in strong archs like your sun or other planets, to help you work with problem archs. You can have multiple archs hold hands and share some energy. I've brought in most my planets and physically hid behind them while working with a couple of really tough problem archs before, which is kind of funny. You can work with a positive arch just before or after working with a problematic one. And of course, you don't have to work just on the problem angle of things. You can as easily work with the archetype of "the love and good relationship of my mother and I" as you can "the problems between my mother and I", for example; guess which one will be 'harder to get around to doing' and getting through.

***

It was the early 1990s and I had taken up a close association with a woman who was a... metaphysical minister, a teacher, a variety of things. We'll call her ML. I was part of her nightly classes, four nights a week, and eventually lived for six months on her couch no less. But initially I was just a member of the classes. They were all interesting but the most effective for me by far, especially once I got the hang of them, were the ones on archetype meditations.

She could project rather powerfully some brainwave state I seriously suspect was delta, given its ability to put any number of people to sleep very rapidly. I passed out shortly into all the meditations, when I began. Since I had spent years working on self-hypnosis, and had the ability to be in extremely deep trance and still fully lucid, I was pretty blown away by this. The other students had gradually adapted, and they stepped over my snoring body on their way out each night. I eventually was able to hold the state of mind while remaining fully conscious. Eventually when I was very good at this, I could actually feel her leaning on me; we were close friends, but it was a small control issue; I became aware of a lot of subtle energy things I had not been to start with. In any case, brainwave state has a great deal to do with how easy and autonomous these are. The closer you are to dreaming, the better -- but you don't want to be too close to sleep, or you WILL sleep, or you will lose track of what you're doing and mentally wander.

I was the psychic-nerd. We would decompress after, and talk about our experiences. While other people were working with Jesus and natives with wolf heads and fairies as archetypes, who put crystals in their chakras, my archetypes were things like, "a black knight chess piece who put a rotary saw blade into my inner arm." I was the entertainment for my group with my bizarre stuff, and I have to admit that I really felt quite goonish that my experiences weren't the more predictable model of theirs. I always went last in the telling, because everyone laughed so much about mine, it kind of killed the 'serious' mood for any talk after that. Everybody was ready for a break and some pie and coffee after MY account.

I admit, if they had been 'predictable', I probably would have rejected them, feeling twice as much that "I was imagining it". I mean, of course -- imagination is the "tool" but it is not consciously welded in this, the subconscious (and the universe of energy at large) is using the tool for communicating with you. But the more offbeat and surprising something was, the better I felt about it. Most my classmates' archetypes were some kind of person or shamanic or spiritual creature. Mine could be anything and was always uniquely surprising. My archetypes were almost never a person like everyone else's. I learned that I could ask for that if I wanted. Even in the middle of the med I can. But I prefer to let it take whatever creative form it can, without limiting it. The only time I ask for a person is if I want to do some tantric work with it, or if I'm just really having a hard time dealing with whatever it is.

The energy trade was different, too. Most my classmates had what I'd consider pretty standard stuff. They would get a crystal or a small buddha statue or a ball of light and it would be put usually in one of their chakras. I've had every imaginable thing turn up here as well, and had archetypes 'pull strings' of energy out of me (and me do it for them), and they put stuff in really bizarre places like my heel or inner arm or kneecap (my torso is most common I admit). The number of frankly bizarre things that made up the 'energy trade' part of the meditation were just as offbeat as the archeytpe.

So... even in a group of people so weird they did this 'archetype work', I was still a weirdo. Weird squared, maybe.

***

One of the things I worked on as much as archmeds during that period was hands-on energy work. They are connected, but bear with me. Hands-on Energy work is a phrase, it's not really descriptive. Many people have heard of Reiki; this is a 'trademarked version' of one person's system of energy work. We were not doing that. We were just-doing-it, Nike-slogan style. But the phrasing isn't too good. First off, even when working with your hands, you seldom if ever touch the person. Second off, you don't need to work with your hands, and most of my work I did either 'through' one of my chakras or I just simple 'did it'; maybe psychically is the word here, I'm not sure. You just find the patterns and adjust them. At the time I learned this stuff, the word psychic would have kind of offended me, so I'm glad it wasn't employed.

When my classmates did this, they would often pick up on the 'emotional drama' of people they did energy work on, even if we were working with each other. It was a pretty personal thing, for them. Again, I was completely weird to them. I didn't get a lot of the personal info that other energy workers did; what I did get was a sense of shapes. Triangles and squares and rings and barbed hooks and strings and a nearly infinite number of 'shapes' that don't have any words of course; a whole kaledascopic geometry of shapes that did pretty well at showing the 'relationship or status' of energy in a given person.

I didn't really care whether a person's issue stemmed from a problem in the 4th chakra that was born of Event X with another person in childhood for example; that is none of my business, and maybe my beliefs about that are the reason that I "geometrized" the information (yes... I just made that word up). If I perceived a sort of 'full environment' of innumerable different shapes, each with a different color, texture, firmness, nature, motion, density, porousness, flexibility, etc. all sort of operating together, rather like the world of a galaxy or the world at the molecular level, well, that's just how it came through for me. That's all I had, so I went with it.

At first I felt pretty goonish that I didn't seem to be picking up on "how Jane felt" when I was doing this work. I privately suspected it was in part because I didn't really care how Jane felt. Not in any detail. I used to tell people, when I and others were studying together in hypnosis in previous years, that I had no desire to be a therapist or save other people from their problems; I studied it to figure myself out, not others. I eventually came to believe this was true for everybody--"run, don't walk, from psych majors"--people study such things to understand themselves. I suspected I was just a lot more clear on this than they were.

So when I "looked/felt inside someone" looking for any "problem" that needed some work I could help with, I wasn't looking for personal information. I didn't really feel that was my business or my concern. I'm slightly technical, slightly intellectual, and I suspect this is one way it manifests. I don't really feel that we need to assign a lot of personal baggage to the issues of energy problems. In other words, it may be that when you were 12, this thing happened, and you are still emotionally and physically affected by it. Fine. But in my view, I know that on an energetic level, it is more about geometry-dynamics than about your emotions--or perhaps more accurately, they are both "equal representations of the same energy" is how I should say it. Maybe to the subject, it is represented as 'an emotional problem' or 'back pain' but to me it's represented as a gnarly-knot of energy, a few barbs and broken patterns and something stuck and gummy.

I don't need to know the emotions or the event. I just need to find the source of the energy problem and fix it. Which is always pretty straightforward, though it varies a lot in detail. You know, we create our reality, and if my car breaks down, it has meaning, it is a dream symbol. But my mechanic does not need to know the spiritual or emotional reasons why I manifested this in my life. He just reaches in with a wrench and fixes it, and you know what, it works just fine. A lot of working with reality is pretty practical really. It doesn't have to be all woo-woo.

The advantage of the 'geometrizing' approach is that it removes the conscious mind interference and intervention in stuff to a much greater degree than ordinary psychic work. Because shapes/dynamics are just that to me, I was not interpreting, judging, reacting to, my feelings about someone else's feelings. I have no judgement or expectation related to Jane or her experience because I don't know about them. It's too bad I can't seem to use this approach for RV so far, because it's a great way of yanking the AOL out of the process. Using internal geometry, I had no reason for my interpretive mind to guess or interfere with anything. I don't 'expect' things to be any shape just because some other part was a given shape (constant problem in psychic work, to get a hint of something and then expect something else based on that).

I don't evaluate any personal-meaning to shapes; I can feel that one is interfering with another and work with that, but that's all it was to me, a sort of intimately personal internal geometry. Hey look at that, the triangle has a hook that's holding it and the wheel-like thing keeps running into it and bouncing off. Well we'll just dissolve/melt the hook and then release that to whomever has the other end, and then let the triangle naturally move over here where it appears to belong, and then the wheel shape can roll freely. Great, we're done. Easy. Sort of. Sure I sometimes had my own feelings during it--feelings of fear, dread, confusion, etc. that I could feel related like "that triangle is filled with confusion" --but they were fairly mild and seldom if ever 'personal' in any way that told me anything about the person. Even that wasn't very common.

So classmates would describe things that sounded like, as a psychic, they tuned into someone and worked with them and their feelings and so on. I would describe my experiences and they sounded completely bizarre and stupid, and really words can't begin to describe them anyway. As usual, I was the entertainment factor.

***

And yet, no matter how offbeat my means of perceiving and working with energy and people, it worked.

If you think of a human body as being an energy body, a little bigger than the regular body, then you just imagine that you look or feel around in it, and if there is something 'in the way' so to speak, you'll perceive it. It can be different colors, shapes, hardness, etc. Usually as far as the scan is concerned, it seems to be "lodged" in them. The energy body is like "an infinite onion" of "layers" of energy, is the way I perceive it.

I could scan someone -- "feel inside the whole-them" -- looking for issues I could help with. I would have a sense of 'something' in the way in various areas. It might feel like some kind of shape/color/dynamic. Often, I could not feel it clearly, I could feel that it was "buried under many layers".

The things that are near the surface, for me are usually 'little things'. They feel like "little attachments," small energy constructs with a few tiny hooks in them, ranging from a patch of velcro to a nasty bramble, that are on or near the 'outside layer' of the person's energy-field. Those are easy to get rid of. It's like just cleaning junk off. How much of this a person has probably depends on how much energy cleansing they do in various ways. Some people are buried under such things, and some people have like none. I suspect that traditional 'forgiveness' type prayer with a sincere intent deals with these things just as well as a metaphysical exercise does.

Things which are pretty serious, and causing any emotional or physical problem that the subject or others perceive, aren't that easy though. Usually they are deep inside them, and the deepest things are usually buried in a chakra (usually the lower ones but not always). Usually the energy seems self-contained, by which I mean it's just a shape "in" the person. (Usually, it's a shape that is connected to other shapes "further inside".)

Other times it is clearly "connected to" something or someone we would call 'outside them'; usually in that case it will appear kind of like something lodged in them has a string or rubber band or iron bar (depending on the nature of it) that leads 'out' to something I can't usually perceive, though occasionally I might get a very vague sense of a person like a child vs. an older man for example. The perception of the hook itself tells me what I need to know about the relationship. Some are anchored in a person in a way that seems mostly like a moderate control issue, such as a parent might have with an adult child. If however it's a hardened steel black bar that has one gigantic hook that is impossibly long, off which comes hundreds more hooks like a whole fractal made of hooks, that is rooted as a gigantic thing deep in their chakra--that is going to be some really horrible, likely long term relationship that was terribly abusive in some way. Usually the chakra it's rooted in will tell you something about the relationship. If it's near the heart, the connection is probably overriding guilt manipulation. If it's in the first chakra, the connection was probably physical assault-beating (survival issues here). If it's in the second chakra, the connection was probably forcibly sexual. You get the idea.

If it's still a hook and not just an object, it means the person hasn't really dealt with it yet. You can usually get a sense of how "hard the hook is pulling on them" as well. Some things seem like "old energy", by which I mean it's been there a long time and should be removed but is not actively pulling, it's just 'still there' is all. Other things seem like they are constantly pulling really hard and digging those hooks in painfully all the time. It's not common for this, what I'm describing, that's a pretty severe example. Most the time stuff is just tangled, knotted, dirty, melted-flattened, severed or broken, mixed/wadded-up, whatever and you just work with however you perceive it.

So I would go 'inward' until I felt I had arrived 'at' the energy-construct I needed to work on. Sometimes when I got there, it was only to discover that although there was an energy form at this level, the actual source/root/core of it was 'deeper'. You have to start at the core of it, I intuitively understand this. So I would go deeper "inward", following the thread/line of energy, until I got to the core or the next place along the line. Sometimes there are many and it literally takes awhile to get to the root of it, and it takes awhile to work it out, and it takes awhile to go back up through each area of 'affected energy' that is connected, until you are back at the surface. I'm not sure what this time element is.

One time around '95 I was doing some meditation where you focused on aligning all the cells of your body in the same direction, or something like that. I wasn't even sure what I was doing. I started it, and found it interesting that although I sensed I could make it happen, that it was really taking me time, to gradually go through the body, and will it, and it took awhile to get each part of the body fully aligned. I wondered to myself if the time factor was somehow required, or if it had to do with me, with my thinking that it "should" take time. Anyway, the next day I was minding my own business when I briefly thought of that exercise and suddenly FELT every single cell in my body align the same direction. I mean--it is ineffable, there are no words to describe this, but suffice to say I KNEW it had just happened all in an instant with no "time" required. I felt that was my answer: no... time is not a required element, or if it is, that is only about the belief systems of the person doing it. I suspect it is the same in energy work.

So back to the energy work: let's say there was a 'hook' in someone, in the midst of a chakra. I would work on clearing that particular energy onion (chakra) of various issues, and healing it, and gradually dissolving the barb on the hook and smoothing it out while 'holding it' in place temporarily, because it had a sense of constant 'tug' on it. I would have lots of positive energy ready to fill that sudden void within them. And then I would 'let go' of the line of the hook -- and there would be this profound sense of it snapping back to someone like a tape measure, SHshSHshSHshTHWAP!! on a psychic level -- which had a sort of sense of satisfaction I admit!

This made me wonder how it affects the other person. I have no idea.

Despite that for me, the process was mostly a matter of working with shapes, colors, textures, and the 'dynamics' of them -- and not about the emotional stuff other 'psychic' people were picking up on -- it seemed to be just as effective, if not moreso, than what the people I was studying with were doing. More than once, I worked on someone I could clearly perceive a problem in -- 'geometrically' you might say -- who was merely present with me and others, who I knew nothing about, only to clear them and within 30 seconds have them just burst into tears and suddenly start gushing about some horrible problem they'd had for years and had never admitted to anybody and so on.

One woman for example was talking cheerfully about her engagement with ML and us. Her mother was there beside her. She was discussing the fun things, and where she was registered for gifts, and what they were planning after the wedding, and so on. I couldn't help but notice the hardest, sharpest, hairiest giant hook I'd seen was deeply lodged, multi-spiked, really deep in her 2nd chakra. It was frankly disturbing even to be aware of. So while she talked to ML I started working on this horrible hook. I finally got all the tons of spikes-on-spikes dissolved down and everything all clean and healed and I was holding tightly to the sense of the hook which was pulling hard, and then I let go of it -THWOP! was the feel -- and she suddenly in the midst of a happy sentence, burst out bawling and suddenly told us all about her father molesting her from the age of 5 to 15. Her mother sitting there was speechless, white as a ghost with shock. The girl had never had the courage to say anything and it had just been this horrible deep shame and secret all her life, riding under the surface. All the sudden, coincidentally mere seconds after I finished quietly working on her, she was ready to vent that. When you have enough of these experiences, especially when people don't consciously know you're working on them, and when they clearly interrupt something else to 'react' to it, you cease to doubt the 'coincidence of timing' anymore.

It got to where on occasion someone in the middle of an ordinary conversation would stop and look like something radical just happened inside them and burst into tears (or some other emotional reaction), or they would just stop and radically change subject, and the people in the room I knew would look at ME -- and later say, "What were you DOing??" Busted.

it became difficult to have any communication with a person without becoming 'aware' of innumerable elements of their 'energetic health' in the process. And I felt impelled by the awareness to DO something. Some people have this idea that you have to go through this big permission thing in order to heal someone. I don't relate to that framework. In my opinion everybody is psychic and reality is a map of what we and they have jointly created. If someone who needs healing shows up to have lunch with someone who happens to be a healer, far as I'm concerned that's what's supposed to happen. Like when my teacher of the time told me -- the medical model skeptic psychic brick -- "the universe dropped you in front of me for some reason, so just show up for class and we'll see how it goes" -- it's an acceptance. My reality reflects me, so I owe it respect, love and healing. To think that some person dropped in front of me, energetically bleeding so to speak, and I'm an energetic ER doc so to speak, and that I somehow "don't have the right" to help them, seems ludicrous. That seems like it totally invalidates both me and the other person as having any psi ability at all, as if they found me by sheer chance and it would be rude to stop their bleeding.

My step-grandmother, who was into Eckankar, didn't believe in healing. She believed if you did it, you got the 'karma' or energetic 'lesson' of the person you healed. I don't agree with this. I DO actually believe there is a way of exactly that happening, though. If you work with someone else's archetypes deliberately (not your own) this seems to happen.

My teacher and I did this, her working with mine just out of curious experiment. We didn't know at the time what would happen. She basically seemed to take on a whole lot of energy 'for' me, and I almost miraculously 'evolved' as if I had let go of all of it, while she 'devolved' instantly and quit literally became almost someone else; I mean, she was my teacher, I had great respect for her, and yet I observed (in ignorance at the time) that at the same moment I had almost miraculously "lost" a ton of personal problems, she had "gained" them. And they were ugly in me, but mostly I had them under control from long experience. It was all the worst parts of my astrology you might say. I had the qualities to 'deal with' many of those energies and still be very functional in the real world -- you might say I had developed many "compensatory" qualities over the years. The problem energies were quiet and mostly 'suppressed' (as opposed to truly let-go) in me.

Well she didn't have a lifetime of adaptation to those precise energies. And she is a very (very!) different kind of personality than I am. When she took them on--by accident--they were just right out front and center in her, and it was appalling. It was like we both radically changed. Me for the better, her for the worse. It was hard to understand at the time. I recognized consciously--I often thought about it--that it really did seem that somehow, she had taken on the same kind of issues I actually had, at the moment I had apparently let them go. I didn't realize until much later that it had to have been her working on MY archetypes that had shifted that energy to her somehow.

At some point years later, I suddenly got it all back all at once. I knew about when it happened, and suspected what had happened. I went from being highly "aware" and used to that state, to being a total trauma-queen, nearly overnight. I actually griped out loud that it seemed like I had "lost" many years of personal evolution I had worked my ass off for. But actually, what I'd lost was all the evolution I hadn't actually worked for--the energies she had taken on. She eventually got through it, apparently either realized it or just intuitively let it go, and I felt it revert to me much like a hook might in healing work, though that wasn't the type of connection. I had to work through them the hard way then, on my own. I don't know that they are all worked out by any means, but I am not in the state of mind I was when they rebounded on me, in any case. (The fact that I was living with someone possessed at that time, I'm sure did not help the equation.)

I suspect that had she known what she was doing better, she might have been able to work through and release those energies without suffering for them and without me simply getting them back. I have heard of indian Yogis doing that. But she was experimenting, and we were both learning. Well, now we know.

***

Archetype work is not just 'a meditation'. In practice it seems to be, but that is like saying that for a priest he is "just praying" or for an advanced martial artist he is "just practicing". That really doesn't adequately describe it when the process is part of a life-wide philosophy. A really good focus is not just about meditating once a week; it's about applying these concepts on the fly to your interaction with everything, as it happens. It's just another version of praying unceasingly.

The context of archetype meditation -- and magickal interaction -- and psychic functioning -- in my view is basically the same: as above, so below; as inside, so outside; as part of us, so apart from us. It's a holographic universe; time and space are just certain ways of perceiving energy density and intensity, just as light and sound and heat are certain ways of perceiving different energy frequency. Centrally, although any spacial term loses meaning at this point, it is about single-point, or maybe it's better to say zero-point, energy.

I believe that behind or within -- or really, "composing", mass, there is 'vibrating energy' as the physicists say. But I believe that composing that vibrating energy, is what you might call 'consciousness'. I normally avoid that word--it's far too fuzzy for my liking--but it's all I can use to describe this concept. To me, every mote of energy is a collection of consciousness. The more energy that is combined, the more 'awareness' begins to build, like a side-effect or property of the quantity increase. At a certain level it becomes a 'sense of identity' and then of 'individual' identity. At a next level it becomes capable of dualism, and then when yet more complex, of deception.

Awareness as it intensifies in density or intensity, reaches critical mass that shifts from 'aware' to 'self-aware' and eventually to fully 'autonomous'. But everything in our existence is composed of the same thing: motes of consciousness that combine to make up minute particles of energy that combine to make up minute particles of mass that combine to make up minute 'pieces' of our reality that combine to make up the fabric of our experience.

Whether it is your left elbow, a gum wrapper, your kitchen table, a birthday party event, your whole cat, or a tornado, it is made entirely of the same thing: the same single 'consciousness' in infinite variations, creates everything we are capable of experiencing about ourselves or reality. There is only the here, the now. If there is no time and no space, where else could there be and when? Awareness is a singular point, infinitely intentionally schizoid, for the sake of the experience. Or: for the creation of a novel experience we call 'life and reality'. For I am divided for love's sake, for the chance of union.

It's been my observation that the less personalized anything is, the less people are able to actually 'deal with it'. When we cannot have a relationship with a given identity, issue or event, when we cannot personalize it into a relationship, we are helpless. It's useless; it's a "life isn't fair" sort of generality we can do nothing about and even feel we haven't the right or reason to feel personally about even if, in fact, it's obviously affecting us personally or it wouldn't have come up at all. (Like the stand-up joke, "Don't take it personally," "How am I supposed to take it, as a group?" -- we can only be personal, individual, that is our nature.)

Nearly all destruction of peoples' relationship with a sense of God that I've observed has happened through the depersonalization of God--and the best relationships I've observed with it or felt with it have always been keyly contingent on a 'personal relationship' framework being invoked.

Nearly all seriously dysfunctional relationships and situations I've seen have clearly been related to the under-personalization of one or more of the individuals involved (eg, "he doesn't really hate me, he just has a drinking problem that makes him act like it, it isn't really personal against me").

In a reality created from the middle of the individual, everything is personal. It has to be. It should be.

In the archetype meditation framework, where the most shocking, reality change within days-hours-minutes-seconds have occurred for me over the years, it has always been the deliberate personalization of a given energy or energy-set, into something personalized "that I can work with" -- have a "relationship" with -- that has enabled that to occur.

This is more limited by my psychology's resistance to that level of fundamental change, once it realized the power that framework had, than anything else. So there is no lack of the ability of that meditation format, which I consider basically summing up anything into a personalized format so you can have a "personal relationship" with it, to rock reality. It's true magick in the original, core meaning of the word. The lack you run into -- I mean the reason why I'm not doing it 10 times a day and now living tanned in the south of france with several cabana boys (I'm joking) -- is "getting around to doing it" when cognitive dissonance or 'change=death' psychology kicks in. Once I finally get off my butt and do an archmed on an issue on my life, things change, but the resistance to getting around to it is truly ridiculous.

The period of my life when I discovered that and first pursued it though, before my psyche resistance really kicked in, was totally unbelievable. It reached outright reality-revising miracles in space and time. Initially within days things would change but then eventually within hours and even within seconds until there was NO doubt or questioning as to the source-cause of the change.

And as I began to understand that ANYTHING could be made an archetype -- and you can replace the word archetype with "collective personalized energy-identity, formed by intent for the purposes of having a personal relationship with it" -- at that point, it started getting even more amazing. Even a "situation", from major stuff (my coworker is the antichrist or something) to minor stuff (I'm on side A of a building, worried the UPS driver I'm waiting for will go to side B and miss me) was workable. Even an "event", from past stuff (the fight I just had with my father) to future stuff (the meeting I'm dreading with the board of directors), was workable. Even 'lack of' things -- a lack of money, my lack of a decent car, whatever it was at the time, could be an archetype.

When these things are personalized into archetypes, it enables the "personal relationship" on an energetic level. And when you pursue that relationship and working with what has become "it" -- an individualized-identity, no matter how many identities, energies, issues, etc. are in question -- you just watch the whole screen of your reality shift in accordance with the work.

Initially I did this in the "Inner Guide Meditation" format of Steinbrecher (see his book). When I read that book at first, I was SO not into tarot or astrology and was a little turned off by those as formats, but later understood the power of those things and why he used them (and my primary planets and a few key tarot symbols are some of my favorite archetypes). Eventually I did some of it in a more tantric format, with the positive archetypes; if you've got to daydream about and pour energy into something, let it be your relationship with your planets, because that's certainly doing you more good.

Later though I started developing a variety of creative meditation formats I would use for different purposes. All of them were surprisingly effective, given it was something 'in your head' -- feeling good about something is great but to me, it's mostly pointless if you don't see hard evidence of accomplishment around you, too. Some of the formats worked unusually well for "abstracted" kind of things.

You can make stuff up. They are just a creative 'personal relationship, visualization-based, meditational format' -- which if done correctly are so effective at altering one's reality that they are like the magic of a fantasy fiction novel!

***

I have several I made up, but I'm going to describe one in particular. I came up with it specifically for dealing with my reality "as I was living it" -- meaning while I'm walking around having a life, I was doing this on the fly. Because this meditation existed solely to tell me about and deal with my external reality, I called them "Reality Meds".

It is very difficult to describe this sort of thing in words. And much of the nature of such a meditation, no matter what the 'general format', has to be uniquely intuitive to the person doing it. I'm going to try to explain it in detail and give some image examples as little props, but how the reader interprets them I guess is individual.

It's likely to sound like this huge complicated process, when in fact it is simple and can be done quickly while you're having a conversation or driving down the road. It's just complex to explain. Once you've done it a few times and get the "feel" for it, it's easy.

***

First let me tell you a couple of things that differ from the archmed process.

In an archmed, the information you get up front about "your situation" is fairly generic. If you meditate on "my job interview tomorrow" and the archetype is a fanged monster, this is a clue. If you meditate on "my problems with my neighbors" and your archetype is broken and bleeding, this is a clue. But that's about the only kind of clue you get; you can see the "level of problem" something is by the arch, by how well you can perceive the arch, that sort of thing, and you "suspect" it will "improve" if the meditation goes well.

Part of the reason it is not more specific is because your actual question is very seldom specific that way. You are not usually saying, "Will I win the contest?" in an archmed. You are saying, "I want the archetype of Jupiter" or "I want an archetype that deals with my relationship with my boss". Much like the difference between psychic work ("get any intuitive information that remotely relates to some overall topic") and remote viewing ("get information that is most important and relevant to the specific question"), it's the same dynamic process, but what you're getting out depends on the way you're going into it.

In a realitymed, the information you get up front about "your situation" is fairly specific, because your question is more specific and usually a "yes/no, happens/doesn't" kind of thing. For example let us say that I am meditating on "whether or not I am going to get the promotion at work today." Let's say I don't know, it's still a probability in my perception since it hasn't happened. In a realitymed, I look at a pattern. I ask myself intuitively, how that pattern would look IF I was going to get the job. If it doesn't look pretty similar to how it already looks now, then I know I need to fix it. If I have the feeling that "about 65-70% of what I'm seeing needs to be in this kind of pattern," and about that much already is, even if a few tufts or groups of shapes are different, then I'm probably already ok. As a result, this kind of meditation is pretty good for doing on future events. Even 30 seconds into the future.

I thought it was just my imagination at first of course, but having already gone through it with archmeds, I decided to 'trust and learn from the results' what was real and what wasn't. Eventually I could just glance at a pattern and 'know' whether or not it matched what I wanted to happen and how far off it was and usually, in another half second, how much energy was "below/within" the current surface manifestation, and so how much work it would be to change it.

There is in-between of course. And there are times when you are in a situation which has occurred and you look at the pattern and you CAN change it (yes, even after the fact), and there are times even with plenty of time when you can't. You can usually feel a slight sense of wrongness when you try, when you can't, like doing so would be messing with something that you are not truly willing to change, something you're unaware of. You can go through the process and do the work, in your denial and refusal and insistence to change something in reality, but you will feel that it "won't stick," that it won't stay, that you can only affect the surface and the minute you let go, the pattern is going to snap back into the original form.

The other difference is the end point. In archmeds, it doesn't matter how it goes, in one respect. It's all good. Whether you barely perceive the arch and will have to come back to it, or whether you merge with it and get a massive rushing that rocks your whole body, just the attempt at the relationship is a good thing and does you some good, whether or not you can 'tell' in the med. (My IG assures me of this.)

In a realitymed, the point of those are not to deal with my relationship with some larger, life-size, soul-deep energy. At least, as I personally used them, maybe you could use them differently. Realitymeds, I came up with as a simple, fast, on the fly, geometry-based way to "deal with" energies of stuff that was happening literally at the moment or soon in my daily life. Whether someone else would pick up the check of what I was eating, whether the store I was driving to would have what I wanted or would let me get it and rush out really fast, whether the person whose office I was walking to would agree to let me take Friday off -- the med was designed to be simple, fast, and specific to a very limited single-event. One way or another, anything I meditated on could probably be phrased (if I bothered phrasing it) into a yes or no, succeed or fail, fixed or broken, fast or slow, kind of binary alternative.

So comparatively, archmeds are like working on something the size and depth of the universe. Realitymeds are like working on something the size of your lunchbox.

When an archmed is over you know only that you have improved your relationship with some conglomerate of energy and that, if it went well, you will see the reflection in your reality/circumstance 'pretty soon'. Ranging from 2 seconds to 2 weeks. But usually several days at the most, in my experience, and that is usually for things that affect a lot of other people. Like if I meditate on someone at work I have a horrible problem with, either they're going to vastly improve, or they're going to suddenly be non-interactive with me in some way (like their job changes or mine does so we aren't around the other), or one of us is going to be gone, and whatever happens will happen soon -- within a few days generally. If not by the next morning. Depending on how much meditating I do on the overall topic and how intense it is. (Meditating on several variants of the topic / problem / situations seems to help when I really, REALLY want something to change in a big way and fast.) Every time I do archmeds on a problem person, if they don't improve (my father did, radically, but I did a LOT of work on that), they just "fall out of my reality". That's the same for circumstance or anything else of course, but for some reason it always seems more notable when it's a person-energy rather than a situation-energy.

Realitymeds are different though. Because your application with these is so specific, when a realitymed is over you usually have a very good feel for whether or not what you did "worked." You basically are setting a pattern and you kind of give it a moment to feel if it's going to stay in your pattern or snap back to the old one or gradually start shifting back. If you can get it to really "take" your pattern (do the work leading up to that), then it's ok, it's set. You don't have to worry about it; your pattern is in place and that means the outer reality, not just the inner world.

You eventually learn to 'accept' that no matter what you see on the surface, you know the pattern that will manifest. Many times I changed things which seemingly had already happened. UPS on the phone tells me, no drivers in my city because of the semi-holiday. Meditate. Pattern clears. "Are you SURE?" I ask the guy, stalling for time to see effect. "Yeah, I -- oh wait, what is this? Hang on..." and what do you know, he was wrong. I want a dessert, the restaurant is out. Meditate. Wait a bit, then ask again, or ask someone different. "No I'm sorry, we're out" says the woman as a coworker walks past, stops and says, "We just got more, they're in the freezer." One way or another, if the pattern solidifies and holds, your reality-intent is going to manifest. Relax and look around for how it's going to happen.

As part of this work you need to "allow" reality to do what it must around that. What I mean is, reality is what it is. It is exactly as it is supposed to be. Everything about it is information, is telling you something. So when something that is kind of unpleasant or annoying happens, don't react with anger or refusal or grief about it, that just attaches you to it, it interjects you into the flow of it and you're in the way. Let reality's events "blow through you". Watch reality go by like it's a really interesting 3D TV show that you are using for a psychological case study. "Hmmn, I wonder what that means?" Don't attach to it.

When there is something that you want to be the case, then do a meditation on it, either archetype meds or reality meds. But aside from that direct, interactive working with the energies that comprise your reality, don't interfere with reality. The more you learn to "let it flow" without your interference, the more power you have to change it, oddly enough. There is probably some good reason for this but all I know is that is the way it works.

-------------------------------------------

REALITY MEDS

Imagine a sphere, or a planet. We'll call this "reality".

Imagine that on that sphere, there is an area you are looking at up close. It is the shape (for me) of a rectangle. Probably you can make it what you want.

Imagine that there are all these things sticking out of the rectangle. All the same shape. But they are 'connected' through the bottom of it to energy strings that go all the way to the very center of the sphere.

Each of the 'things' on top are of a nature, and laying about in some direction, that is based on what's up with the energy strings -- part of a 'column' of energy they are all held in -- below.

The shapes for me first looked like dominos. More rectangles, I guess. Some standing, some lying down this way or that way, all over the place. There were 'groups' of them laying this way, another laying that way, a tuft sticking straight up, and so on.

Then for awhile it looked kind of like a sea anemone. The dominoes had shifted to soft, rounded, short-tentacles, that were of course the 'surface tips' of those energy strings that went down to the center of the sphere. Then they just shifted to 'shapes' that can vary a little.

They stick up, they stick out, they are long enough to curve and 'lie down' in various directions, but short enough to also stick straight up, and to be perceivable as individual shapes. They are not any 'thing', they are just a 'shape' that has some degree of density, flexibility, etc.

Thinking of them as "the tips of the energy strings" works best for me, since the whole point is that what they look like, is based on the energy they are connected to below.

There are five steps to this process:

1. See what the pattern is now. You just hold in your mind the situation/event/etc. in question, and then "look at the pattern." Even if you can't see it clearly you should be able to feel/sense something. (Yes. You are 'imagining' it. Imagination is the tool that makes this work. Just don't *consciously create* it. It will create itself for you if you let it. You may have to 'go with it' tentatively the first few times until you have built the thought-form of this exercise well enough that it's a little clearer.)

2. Ask yourself what the pattern needs to be in order for your desired-outcome to be the case. It's likely to be different every time. You'll just have a feeling, like, that you need most things "lying down facing upper left" [10 on a clock] or something like that.

3. Compare the 'ideal you can feel' to the existing pattern you can see/sense. You will be able to tell how much needs changing. It might be mostly that way already and you're set. It might be partly that way and you need to work on it to be sure 'enough' of the pattern is going your way to take care of it. Or it might be almost entirely different, sticking up or leaning another direction, and it's going to take some real work.

4. Do the work to fix the energy (more on that shortly).

5. Evaluate the surface again. Feel the pattern. 'Set' it 'all the way through' from center of sphere out to the surface you're looking at. Let go of it and back up in perspective and "let it be." See what happens. If all is well and you did the work and there was nothing disallowing you (which you would probably feel), the pattern should be solid. Determined by the inside. Set in place. And you are fine. If the pattern feels like it is staying but is going to start gradually changing any minute and over time, it means you set it but you need more work if you want it to stay. If the pattern feels like it snaps back to how it was, and it just won't "stay" how you want it, then your outcome is not going to be what you intended.

When you are are practiced with this, if the energy underlying things is not too severely off the direction you want, you can do this in a matter of seconds.

****

So those shapes, each of those things is connected to a 'string' of energy that is actually part of a larger 'column' of energy that goes down from the rectangle to "the center of reality" which feels oddly like the center of a really, really, really big chakra. The 'history' of the energy at 'depth', between the surface and center of the sphere, are what determine the way the energy string is 'pulled' from underneath.

For example, if situation X were in place, somewhere down the energetic column there would be a slight shift in shape/direction/twist, and as a result, up at the surface, the single 'shape' connected dominantly with this energy-string would be lying sort of diagonally to the right. If you don't want it to the right, you gotta go find the first (core) place where it is 'affected' related to that, and fix it. You move 'up' the energy column (closer toward the surface where your field is) and find the 'next' place affected and fix that. By the time you reach the top, it should already be fully shifted to the direction you intend.

Sometimes there is only one place where it is affected, it's not that far down, it's easy. Sometimes there are many and they are really complex. I could theorize on why this is, but I don't really know why.

You do this just like you work with healing "via geometries" in energy work with people. When you get enough of your "field" on top comfortably lying in the direction you feel manifests your desired reality, then you're set.

So let us say I need my shapes to fall to the left and they are chaotic, with a few clumps that go to the right, some sticking up, etc. I can see that the energy that "feeds into the surface experience I call reality", is not supporting what I want. So this is what I do:

I "feel" my way down the string(s) of energy connected to that shape(s). It may be one 'clump' that I want to change the direction of. (I do it a clump/group at a time. I've always felt things were grouped like that in the pattern for some reason. So I worked on those together. I've seldom tried to just work on the whole pattern all at once. You probably can I suppose.)

I "look for the feel of the first/deepest/core event-effect on that energy-string" that is causing its current 'manifestation'. In other words, if a clump of shapes falls to the right, I look for the deepest affected-place that is the REASON they fall to the right. You only need to hold the intent. Imagination and the energy will work out the rest. It will show you only the places where the energy is affected on those strings in a way that is causing the pattern up top to fall to the right.

Go to the root. Look or feel the place where the energy is 'affected'. It might be tangled. Knotted. Broken. Stuck together. Cut apart. Or just a sort of wadded ball of energy (the most common frankly. It is not usually 'detailed' like the injury of an archetype -- usually it's just 'a clump of energy' on the string(s) that needs changing).

Make it right. Visualize cleaning it, releasing it, healing it, mending it, straightening it, smoothing it, hydrating it (!), whatever feels right and maybe more than one thing in combination. You want the strings to be 'smooth and unaffected' in that area.

In other words, you are not actually trying to impose your own 'affected' area on the energy to change it. That is not the answer. You are trying to "set free" the energy from "interference" factors. Then, the energy will be happy to go the way you intend because you intend it and it's part of you.

Move up through the energy column from wherever you started and fix anything you find along the way that is affecting this outcome. If you fix something but you feel like when you start to move on, it's not really staying fixed, then you are not done. Either you did not fix it entirely, or there is another energy-affected-area below that which you have missed.

Now, when I first did these, I did not go to the core. I grabbed the shapes on top and forced them into the pattern I wanted. Sometimes, that actually worked. Usually it 'sort of partially' worked. Often it didn't. Then I started going "a little bit under the surface" and cleaning up their energy there, when I could feel it wasn't sticking. That was a little better. But I finally understood it was just like working on a person. You don't work on the surface pattern. You find the root of something and start there, because whatever is deepest has the most power. Change it all the way through and you are set.

You can, sometimes, change things up higher and get a 'manifestation' that is like you want, even though there is some deep stuff that is "inclining" it toward the other direction. But that takes imposing your will on it hard, in order to try and force the top pattern to stay, and you have to 'hold' that--it takes energy--when you let go, it will change again, or some 'conflict' will show up. It's like trying to pull a weed. You really have to get the root of it or it's just going to come back to the surface.

When I get back to the top, having found/fixed any/all 'issues' underneath, I look at the pattern again. The pattern for the strings I was working on should be fine now. If there are more that need 'dealing with', I do. You normally need 'a clear majority' of the surface to be going 'the direction you want'. That's fine. You don't have to get every single bit of the top field going your way. If the majority of it is, that is what will manifest.

If for any reason the top won't "stick", it means there's energy-effects you have not dealt with underneath. Or sometimes there is just too much to deal with, without having hours. Or changing that event/outcome would have a ton of related changes that you aren't ready or willing for.

I find the closer I am to the manifestation point, the harder it is to change things, and the more major a thing in question, the harder it is to change things. Maybe that's just my belief systems though.

****

So, this is like mini-geometry-archmeds, geared to a single-reality-event/circumstance. It's possible that a real archmed would be tons more powerful and affective for getting whatever you want. But I started practicing this geometry thing regularly until I could do it whenever I felt like it. It is just as important to "let reality flow" as part of acquiring this ability, as mentioned, and I found that I didn't really feel the desire to 'change' things as often as I'd have suspected I might. But when I did, this was astonishingly effective.

I developed a couple of other meditations that are a little different. This one though, the realitymeds, did so well after awhile for me that I seriously started feeling my whole concept about reality shift. It started feeling like reality was a psychic videogame, and I knew the cheat codes.

Taking the time to write all this out has made me realize how much I miss energy work, and wonder why I don't do much meditating aside from archmeds anymore (and not enough of those). They were always so effective, why did I stop? I guess I quit paying attention. When I had a child it was like my whole focus changed. Now she is 12 and I feel like I am just slowly waking up from a distracted trance. Missing my sense-of-self. Thinking about stuff like this that I've hardly thought too much about in eons.

***

To wrap this up, the point is that reality meds, just like arch meds, are a direct application of "personalization". That is, the idea that if you want to interact with the energies of the universe that make up your perceived reality, you have to personalize them so you can have a relationship with them. Once you can interact with them, you're set, they are in your territory to access and change. As long as they seem apart from you, nebulous and generic and outside, you are trapped within them. Once you find them within you, individualized on command, you are master. Causing "change in accordance with your will" is just a matter of bothering to take the trouble. It's easy, it works, it's mindblowing on a larger scale, but it takes nothing more than getting off your butt and doing it.

When I started archetype meds, I gave myself a month of twice-daily attempts to see if it actually worked at all for me or just seemed like a waste of time. I was so skeptical at the time stuff was vague and distant for me and hard to separate from ordinary imagination. But in the end it took a lot less than the 60-lessons I set for myself before I could see that they actually worked. Before I 'merged' with an archetype after our work together and felt the rush. Before I watched reality change following my efforts. I made the commitment to take it seriously and do a morning and night archmed as 'practIce' and I had thought it was possible that after a month I'd figure well, I gave it an honest try, oh well. But long before that much effort had passed I could see that these were not just workable, but shockingly powerful.

As a last tidbit, a friend of mine found a discussion in a Seth book recently where he talks about going into your 'inner landscape' and working with what you find there... pretty much exactly archmeds, without the IG element. Archmeds go by many other names, 'active imagination' and 'conscious dreaming' and things like that. I have yet to find anybody who has done them seriously for awhile who does not respect their power to affect reality to the point of awe.

IG and the Commitment

My IGs have always been pretty understated. They don't really even move. It's time for me to have an archetype or whatever, it's just there. This new one, she moves. Not counting the impressive ritual from last time, this time she snapped her hand forward fast and a sort of lightning-striking sound came with how the arch manifested.

Let me go back. I had a good evening, and I cleaned everything up around me, lit a votive and incense, turned off the light and had some real conversation with Nero, then with IG.

I told IG that I want to make a commitment to her. I had suggested this to my friend with his IG but hadn't planned it with mine, it just came out that way. She said, "consistency means more than quantity." I said ok. Then I did a whole list of formal requests and permissions for her to work with me in every imaginable way and time and fashion and so on.

I forgot to mention that I talked to Nero this morning and re-gave him permission to suspend any protective systems I have in place for the purposes of communicating with me, teaching me, etc.

Anyway so while talking to IG and thinking of the Four, I had this idea that maybe I could do the archetype of the Senior. No idea if/how that would work, since they are "of me" (or I am of them) as opposed to being, say, some energy I'd call an archetype. But it struck me so I thought I'd give it a try. Although when meditating regularly a couple years ago I was briefly close to the Senior for the first time ever, I feel apart from him now again, in a way. I did what I could in the archmed, which was weird and different and I kept spacing out sort of. Finally, HE seemed to pull the other two in with us and suddenly I felt very physically that now, something was working. I sat up straight and breathed deeply and calmly and imagined just "being" with them, and I could feel that was working, the way it used to so many years ago when I first met them. We did that for awhile. Merged together, just be-ing.

Then I told IG I wanted to work on 'abundance'. My friend did that recently and it sounded like a great idea. I said not just abundance of 'things' like money and that, but of love, and of opportunity, and every possible good thing. I turned to the archetype and it was really weird. Well ok, they are all weird. But it was kind of like -- remember that movie 'Short Circuit', the 'Number 5 is Alive!' robot, it was like that, times ten in size and complication, but clearly some kind of machine and structure at the same time. On closer inspection, it was impossibly complicated, and I had the overlay of a Rube Goldberg-level complication -- like, ridiculously OVERcomplicated in every way that was totally unnecessary. I was pouring light, love, etc. into it when I was reminded of moving my bed last weekend.

You know, you can move anything. I used to have huge armoires and chests that a couple men together could barely move inches at a time. You just have to gets its permission. I put my hands on the bed, which was refusing to move even a single millimeter with me and my friend both straining. And I just had my hands against it and my eyes closed and I felt "with it" until I felt that finally, I had its permission. And then I accepted that it was happening and there was no other alternative. And then I moved it, alone, several times in fact. She couldn't believe it. She looked at me funny when I told her you just need to get rapport with whatever it is you want to move, because reality is about relationships not object properties. But this is the woman who has massive PK and spirit problems in her house -- her little girl lost six inches of hair recently on top of daily, constant stuff messing up their life -- she knows 'weird' in a way even I don't lately so she didn't fuss about it.

Remembering that, I laid my hands and forehead against a part of the metal of the arch and just imagined that I was in rapport with it and one with it and really affectionate about it and I wanted to know how it felt, and I felt kind of good while doing that, so although it meant I had no idea what was going on with it as I couldn't 'see' anything, I just kept that position and process for awhile. Finally it felt so different I stepped back and to my utter astonishment, it had become a woman.

In fifteen years, no archetype that was not human to begin with had ever become human after the work. Usually if it starts a machine, it ends a machine, just one in much better shape in some fashion. I'd never even thought of such a thing. I mean I guess there is no reason why not. It's just totally different.

She was so cute! Just adorable. She had black hair and laughing eyes and just... that sort of "devilishly adorable" look that some women have. I couldn't even speak at first I was so surprised my machine was a woman, and then I said, "What do I DO with you? You're adorable!" and we decided to be "friends." I mean girlfriends like children, like I haven't had in almost longer than I can remember. And we held hands and ran to a merry-go-round that IG summoned, and we laid on our backs and watched the sky turn around for a bit. Then we ran to the low dock of a creek and put our feet in the water where the tiny fish nibbled with their lips at us like the creek behind where I grew up in Ojai CA. Then we played guitar and sang together, and I remembered the friend I had when I was 16 and how she was really my last "best friend in person". Gosh that's a long time. Then we skipped around awhile.

Then we sat down with our backs to the tree where IG and I meet and I said, "What can I do for you today? To make you happy?" and I was having an overlay of the moment in 'Groundhog Day' where Bill Murray says that to the woman he's madly in love with and finally, finally, is going to get to spend a real day with. And she said, "I want that." And she pointed at something inside me. I looked down and saw or rather sensed, an 'energy construct' inside my torso a little to the right deep inside, oddly shaped. I knew that it wasn't really a 'thing' for ME, but was a combination of energy that she recognized and wanted. So I said sure, you can have it, and then I asked her to reach in and take it. When she reached into my body it was like a little bit of a merge, a rather cool kind of sensual thing. She slowly helped it fully manifest and then took it out. And then she took something out of herself and she poured it into the space left by whatever she had removed. I tried to merge with her then but I didn't really feel anything. But I still felt it was ok.

I told IG, well how about we do one that you want to do. After just having that big talk with all the official requests and permissions and so forth, I figured this was a good night to start on whatever SHE wants to work on.

She threw her hand out and a clap of what sounded like lightning seemed to hit some distance behind me to the right. When I turned, some impossibly huge creature was there. It was so huge that I couldn't see it. It stretched up possibly for oh, 100 stories high or so, it was red, and it was some kind of dragon-ish thing. I thought, 'Not the 3-headed hydra again!" but it wasn't that. I had a hard time seeing it clearly, yet I could "sense" it pretty decently. I stood there staring at it. Then I said to IG drily, "It's a giant red monster with claws and teeth and it's two miles high. Let me guess. This is something I have an issue with." It struck me as kind of drolly funny.

Standing about as high as one of its toe-claws, I figured that was never going to do. So I flew up to where its head was, which was so high I could barely see the ground distantly below, and it was completely out of my awareness. My impression was that its way of saying hello to me might involve eating me, so I stayed out of its easy snapping or toasting range and said hello to it. I tried to get a feel for it, and finally I felt that it was good with the archetype qualities of dragon creatures. So I told it, "I think you should let me be nice to you. Because you're amazing and glorious, and you deserve to have a servant to take care of you. Let me look at those scales. I bet I could make you clean and even more beautiful." He preened. "Let me sit on the back of your neck," I suggested. "I can see some scales there with some problems. I can help you. I might be able to heal you a little while we're at it." He eyed me suspiciously, then relented, turning his head and bending his long neck for me. So I went and carefully sat on his neck and considered him.

The neck was filled with problems. Finally I had something predictable in an archetype: something that needed healing, cleaning or fixing. He had some scales that seemed to have some kind of terrible flesh-rot underneath them, and I realized after putting my hands over one and 'healing/cleaning' it for a bit, that the scale I'd worked on was a gleaming silver -- not the dull dark red of the creature. Apparently that was some kind of artifact.

Remembering the machine, I put my hands on his neck, and put my body's hands on my thighs, and I imagined sending lots of energy into him to heal him "from the inside out." Then I noticed the 'feeling' like I used to get in energy work, when I can feel that a problem or 'circumstance' is based on something deeper in. So I went "inward", which is like an infinite onion sort of, a sense of depth and going back in time both, but I don't know what it really is, that's just the symbols the mind provides. I went in and in and in until finally I found a pretty small root where it began, and it even felt kind of like a root, like a skinny but strong little hairy string of energy that was kind of twisted and knotted. I fixed that energetically, and then traveled "up the energy column toward reality" is the only way I can put it, until I found the next place where there was a bunch of energy that affected it. I did this for some time, until I felt I had literally untangled and cleaned out a really really really deep well of energy that went deeply into the creature -- and into me, I could tell -- and I finally reached the surface, which was now pretty cool energetically, as the real cause of the surface conditions come from underneath.

So having finished, I refocused my hands and then again did a major effort of "sharing energy with Ommmph" to "heal him from the inside out" and that was pretty body-rocking. As I saw his skin heal and his scales start to turn gleaming silver, and it 'spread' over him as if gradually covering his skin, and I found myself breathing incredibly hard because the RUSH of it was like a helluva archetype merge, even though I hadn't actually realized we were merging at that point, I'd thought I was just working on him. When I was done, I literally was so dizzy I couldn't even think for a few seconds. Finally I collected myself--and realized that the creature had become a man.

Now the only thing consistent about archmeds is that they are each so unique. It was astounding enough that the complex machine had become a human. But to have yet another archetype right after that become a human was actually more astounding, because the only thing more amazing than something happening for the first time ever, is it promptly happening again when the odds of that are even LESS than it happening to start with. But this had been a creature, not a human. I was pretty much speechless for a bit. Then I said, "Wow. Just... wow."

And he walked up to me and slid his hand into the back of my hair and pulled my head back and kissed me. Wow. And he was damn good at it. The last arch that proactively pursued me like that was 'Responsibility' back at the Monroe Institute in Jan 2000. At least that I recall. He kept on that and finally I said to IG, "Can I do this tantric?" and she said sure, that's how it's going. So I had some wonderful quality time and gave him all my released energy. When that was over, I literally felt weak and dizzy a little like when I'd done the hands-on thing with his scales, and I kind of wondered if he would merge with me. He wrapped his arms around me and then merged with me in a really weird way nothing has ever done before. Usually either you can't much feel/sense the merge or you can, and it's just a matter of degrees. But it was like somehow, his energy got so thin or permeating that he just "slid into my cells" and instantly "I" was now a different "I" that was me+him and there was no sense of merge or rush or anything. It was so fast I was kind of stunned.

Well anyway, so I talked to IG a little and then wrapped it up. Figured I'd better blog because I seem to forget this stuff really easily, and sometimes it's what I see that I've written in the past that really helps me.