Knock Knock, Neo

Tonight when I began my meditation, I stopped in my outer 'sacred space', a high cliff desert plateau. I considered the 'sense' of my outer guides here and there around me. I wondered why it is I perceive them there. Are they always there? Do they have placeholders in case I show up? Does that space represent my more immediate time/space or energy fields where they are always present? And why can I not see them clearly?

At times in the past I've had experiences with them. A few times I've sort-of seen one or two. A couple times they've interacted with me and shown me something offbeat they said they wanted me to remember them by since I was both deaf and blind to them (only 'sense' got me that info), like 'orange' or 'giant'. The only one that I ever saw with clarity was Brin. I was so stunned by HOW clearly I saw him, how unbelievably physically and in detail I saw him, that I spent most of the time gaping like a geek and re-re-exclaiming, "Oh my god! I can SEE you! I can see you so well!" as if it helped to say that 20 times.

I don't know why I let him go that day, some time later. I've never had the urge to do that with any other guide. I like the idea of having a guide, someone I can see, and I wish I had another. I told Nero recently I want to see him better. At times I have seen him pretty well but not for quite awhile.

I once saw an outer guide pretty well who seemed like a young man. I asked him if he wanted to come into my inner guide meditation with me and he agreed. He seemed utterly blown away by it for some reason though. The next time I showed up to meditate, he had like 20 other people with him, and I had the overlay of like an edu thing, like he brought his whole college class or something. I let them come in with me to the inner space. That meditation didn't go so well as it turns out, my fault not theirs. They were rowdy at first and I had to scold them to calm down a couple times but they did. Anyway, I'm not even sure what question I should be asking. Only that if guides exist--and as retarded as it sounds to my logical mind, they do seem to--then it seems like 'awareness' of this ought to provide some advantage. Like you could work with them better somehow, if you knew.

Anyway I pondered all the outer guides, wondering if there is something I am supposed to be DOing with them. Like is there some huge potential that I am missing, when I just go right past them every time I meditate? If there is no reason for them to be there, then why are they there? It seems like that ought to 'mean' something. Isn't that the whole point after all -- that everything 'means' something.

***

I'm having a lot of abreactions still. And I'm starting to forget stuff almost immediately after doing it, which makes blogging it even more important I guess. I must be working on stuff heavier duty than I realize.

I went to see IG but I didn't know what I wanted to meditate on. I told her I'd rather like to do another med on the physiological component related to psi. But I spaced out a little while in front of her.

I came to abruptly when I heard this loud KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. I opened my eyes--because it's an audible sound like something in physical reality--but I realized that although it seemed like I "heard" it, that no, it was actually in my head. I remembered telling a friend recently who had that experience (it's not that uncommon) that someone was knocking and the thing to do is to imagine opening the door.

So I opened a door in my imagination and this really big... um, person thing, came in. Very hard to articulate. A sense of person, of robot, of complexity, large. I said to IG, "Um.... so is this an archetype you would like me to deal with? I didn't ask for it, so it came knocking?" She said yes.

I had a hard time doing much with it and couldn't perceive it clearly. I decided I'm going to try using the geometric energy healing approach with the archs at times, since it worked so amazingly well for that impossibly tall red dragonish arch recently. I felt inside the arch as an 'energy construct' and I felt something many layers in that seemed like a problem.

When I got to it, it was a little different than these things usually feel. I think watching 'The Matrix' earlier today had another influence -- anything visual-dynamic that I watch tends to filter into my meditations as part of the "imaginative toolset" I notice, but that's fine -- I didn't feel like there was a block or a hook, I felt like there was a sort of metal implant. It had a long spike-like thing that went "into" the arch deeply. I followed it to its pointed end and dissolved it all the way back to where it 'attached' at the end of a tubular rod.

But inside the arch's energy it was odd. It wasn't like "empty" then as it normally is when you remove an energy hook. It was like it had its own thin metal 'casing' that the thing had fit into. So I had to dissolve that too, which was part of it, and get it fully out, and then go back yet again and get the energy to 'heal and weave together' from the bottom all the way to the top. It took a bit of time.

Then I got back to the 'rod' that it had been attached to. I had thought that it must be connected to someone else. I felt that it was and yet I hadn't found the end. It was like an irrigation system or something, there were many offshoots of this thin metal piping that went all over, and each one with a special attachment that went deep down into the archetype, and for which the archetype itself had developed some kind of thin metal casing to hold.

It seemed like this was all just taking too long. So I gathered up all the energy I could and then just imagined powerfully doing it all at once, dissolving those long spiky things and and the adapters inside and healing everything. I had a nice energy rush while I was doing that. When finished I pulled a little on it and then let it 'snap back' to wherever it came from. Whatever source it was, was like a constant "drip irrigation" deeply rooted. I had the sense of all of it thwacking-back so hard it knocked someone over. That felt fairly satisfying. ;-)

I said to him, "I'm having constant abreactions but only in my right leg. The calf, the knee and thigh. None anywhere else. Why is it that I am reacting here to you?" And the arch said, "Why don't you do a meditation on the archetype of your right leg." I was dumbfounded. I never thought of meditating on a body part. And yet if our body is manifest energy, and a core part of us, and our memory and so on is throughout our body, then surely every part of the body is a primal part of us. Surely every part of our body has a great deal of symbolic and literal meaning.

When I was done I nearly lost focus for a bit but finally we traded. I gave him my heart, which in my hands felt like a vulnerable beating flower. He gave me his which felt like a powerful pumping strength. Then we merged. I hardly felt anything, but the fact I felt a "little" something is good on its own, and there was a bunch of feel earlier when working on him. So it was ok.

I'd like to do another archmed but literally, I came out of that one, and I could "feel it slipping away" from my memory. I've felt more of that lately. I mean even when I have good ones I often forget them entirely and if I didn't occasionally look back in my blog, that would have been that. I have edited this post while writing to add in a ton of stuff I forgot as I was typing it out. I don't know why but it seems like my level of denial has just amplified considerably. I want to be aware of that problem and compensate for it, help prevent myself doing that kind of thing. So I thought I would write it down and then go back to another med.

I'd like to work on something easier. It gets kind of difficult and demoralizing when everything I'm working on is hard!