Knight of Wands, part 3 (1/4)

Yes, I know. Sep 20 is the last day I meditated, a Knight of Wands meditation that was so difficult I couldn't get more than a little bit into it. I was going to be right back with that. October came and went. Difficult archetype meditations are such a pain to "get around to!"

I've spent the month+ since I left off, paying the price. Feeling emotionally fragmented and slightly traumatized, distracted and disorganized, in avoidance and denial. I blew my eating plan all to hell and more, in a small rampage of self-destruct mode.

My boyfriend came to visit at the end of October. It was great to have him here, but my one week a year with him vs. the other 51 weeks a year tends to put me through the whole 7-stages-of-grief thing when he leaves, which sucks. (Right now I'm in the slightly pissed off, fine-I-don't-need-you-then stage.) During one day he was here, I stayed in the car on a chilly, windy day, for about an hour in the driveway, when I just suddenly felt like meditating, out of the blue.

I went back and picked up where I left off in my Knight of Wands meditation. As a refresher, I had first come onto an endless lawn (almost battleground type 'field') filled with people on medical beds who were horrible, greviously injured, with a man up front speaking for them. I asked to shift the energy to a smaller quantity I could deal with, and then got four 'people' each with some... problem. The first, which I didn't start on before I passed out that time, seemed sort of normal in front except a monkey-like face, but the back was completely burned out, hollowed out, the whole back of the body. That's where I left off.

So I picked it up there, this is last week. The meditation was very difficult although not complex. I got him onto a gurney and flipped him over and filled all the hollowed-out of him with "the water of life". I asked for the Angelics and they came and each put a hand on my back on a shoulder blade. Then I 'got the attention' of the front of him that was still fleshed out and asked it to become flexible and to start replicating cells, to rebuild him from the front, gradually adding flesh on the inside where the little lakes were. I would be doing that and my mind would flip to some other weird seemingly unrelated scenario I had to get through, and then I'd find myself as if returned suddenly to the meditation, and I would refocus and continue the visualization. This happened over and over, so what was merely a simple visualization took just over an hour.

But in the end, that one was healed. I merged but got no rush at all from it, but felt that this was really only a fraction of the total archetype and it was not ready for more yet. That left three more. I ended the meditation.

My goal is to get to the next one 'soon' -- there are 4, I've done 1, so, 3 to go. I wrote this down so I wouldn't forget (I already forgot most the detail). It has basically been about 50 days and it's time to get THROUGH that! Gosh this one is turning out to be complex.

The odd thing is, I never had a meditation where another archetype was spelled out for me, let alone where I was specifically referenced to a tarot card archetype. I still find that so fascinating. And it would have been even if it had just been an ordinary meditation. But it seems to me the depth and challenge of this particular archetype, only goes to prove how important it must be for me to deal with.

And I still haven't gotten back to my original archetype related to obesity because I have to get through this one first. Talk about a challenge!
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