Rambling 04Dec09

I have a variety of e-post-it notes that I'd wanted to collect here, so it's archived, together, and later I can find it. Many different topics here.

***

My memory is so bizarrely "iffy" when it comes to this entire topic that if I didn't blog everything (to the point of boring even myself) it would be gone forever. Not only does re-reading my blog remind me of things that I had forgotten and their details, but often it reminds me for the fourth time. Is that weird or what. It just falls out of my brain.

It's like that movie '50 First Dates' where the woman has brain damage and every day is the same day from years ago and she has zero memory of anything since. So she wakes up each morning to a video that explains her situation, shows her her kids, and so on! I'm not quite THAT bad, but when it comes to remembering my "shamanic" life, so to speak, at any given time I have pieces, not the whole.

On the other hand, I notice in talking with other people that even if they record their dreams or meditations they tend to forget them and in re-reading them, finding their dream log later, some are refreshers they'd forgotten and some they don't remember at all. Maybe this is normal.

...or not. I'll say more about this later but I think I'm going to do a series of archmeds based on my concern about this.

***

I wonder: what else can IG do, besides archetypes and Aeons? Could this identity/role serve other purposes in my exploration of self/reality?

I don't even know what to ask for, but it feels as if that must be true. Given she and I do not tend to have easy verbal conversation, how can I find out?

I had the impression while typing that I should ask the Private Oracle. I need to get in a very altered state for a bunch of work SOON, like this weekend.

***

You know, in viewing, just like in sports or music performance, it's often very useful to do a lot of "set up". I came up years ago with what I called "emotional sequencing." Basically I map out a list of emotions that I think, when experienced, in a given sequence, prior to the session, actually "amplified" the seeming results. The "power" we have in the "now" is often correlated to emotions when it comes to energy work. So intentionally 'designing' those emotions, seems like a smart thing.

I wonder if this is something that should or could be done, not just for archetype work, but for specific entity conversational work, like talking to the Private Oracle. He did say recently that a big part of getting an answer was truly wanting one. So maybe before attempting that kind of communication, one should do a brief emotional-sequencing effort, to kind of set up an energy base to 'feed' that 'want' first.

***

Long time ago I had this dream that this man came to me, said that my driving-'want' related to remote viewing had called to him, and that he had a feel for me now, and he was going to be my mentor. He told me that he'd been in 'secret projects' of the government for this but that he was one of several that nobody will ever know of in the public.

He was a really big guy, dark hair. I think his name was Ben.

He started by insisting on some things for me to do in my outer reality that had to do with health, the first being exercise. I was hugely resistant to that being part of it. I refused. Maybe that's why I didn't see him again.

I wonder if it was "just a dream" or there was something more to it.

***

That reminds me of the 'soldier in the graveyard' that I encountered in '95, who had been doing something 'unusual and mental' before he died and wanted to talk with me. I had repeated OBE's where I tried to get to him as he was calling me. (He somehow was locked to near his gravesite so I had to go there.)

And every time, just before I reached him, something in my reality -- cats, people near me, people not near me but in cars not far away -- freaked out to some extreme that dragged me out of the OBE state. This happened several times and was so extreme that to this day it brings questions.

Like, just HOW much do we create reality -- did I really cause all those freak-outs in those around me?? Or, is it possible for someone 'else' to be aware of your experience and 'force' that (aliens? inner entities?) to prevent your going there? At the time that was happening I was having so much apparent-interference from other-entities, it's a serious question.

I never reached him. He and I gave up. A short time later I was introduced to soldiers who'd been part of a secret program doing 'remote viewing'. It was someone else who, reading my Bewilderness account one day, say the notes on that and said, "A soldier doing some unusual and mental? And shortly later you ran into this topic in such a big way and became part of it in such a strong way? Don't you think this might be related?"

Which is a good point but I'm a little confused about the part where he died, as although I did not get that info directly, my impression was that whatever he was doing was at least partly responsible for his death. Not sure how what I know as RV could relate to that.

***

One of the big things in remote viewing is the attempt to find a binary potential set with a high level of differentiation in data and its evaluation. In english that means, pick two different 'potential' targets and get data, in a double-blind, that makes which one 'the target' is obvious. If you could do this, you could bet on sports games for example, and not choose 'which' was the target until one wins. And some people do, and have some success, but not much or not for long. This is a complex subject and not as easy as it sounds.

Now you might think anything psi-accurate would fill this need but it doesn't. It might be something about the whole nature of the 'two' potential targets being part of 'one' effort, that blends them at some psychic level. It might be language, since there are limited forms and dynamics in our reality (only the scale, scope and detail vary) and any general description that accurately fits one thing will have at least some areas where it accurately describes any number of other things too. It could be bad luck, or creation-of-reality problems, such as viewer or tasker not 'wanting' to be right at some subconscious level (e.g. they feel guilty using psi for gambling, or the thing at stake is a lot of money and they're not ready to manifest that, or...).

But the descriptive and even fragmentary sketch data often has clear elements of both 'potential targets' which makes this hell. "Associative Remote Viewing or ARV is evil" is a common saying.

One approach is to do tons and tons and tons of sessions and ONLY make a decision and act on it (e.g. place a bet) when the result seems wholly unambiguous, or is validated by a separate different effort, etc. Nobody has this much time in their life is one of the problems with that approach.

Another approach is to be slightly frontloaded and use more of psychic and viewing model and hope that the frontloading won't bother that individual much, and that interpreting things symbolically will work for you.

Another approach uses a fabulous science judging technique called 'Fuzzy Set Analysis' or FSA, which has used many people doing a survey of many categories of info and 'rating' each possible-target to get an average in the computer. Then a few people rate the data session based on the same criteria. Then a computer compares the session results to the possible-targets in place for that trial and chooses which one it best matches. So far when it's been tested, humans must 'evaluate' RV data, but computers are best for actually matching in that model.

I was wondering one day (this was jotted down on my desktop e-post-it), "What if we associated lottery numbers with a truth?" Something deeper than the trivia of daily life.

Previously I've written about 'truth' that when I'm really feeling it, it feels like most of reality is not truth but not a lie; it's more like "flotsam" on the surface of the planet, while truth feels like some core energy pulled up from within it and 'through' whatever surface thing, words, events, person, is in question.

What if there was a way to tie genuine 'truth' and its power to some of the flotsam -- or to find something different to use as a target that was more tied to truth. Would it have more power, a different level of being-ness, would it make this more possible?

***

That reminds me I once had this idea in the middle of the night for ARV. I wrote a couple associates about it, like 20K all in one paragraph. I was completely manic in the email, but that was mostly because I was very sleep deprived, staying up all night programming in that era (which since I worked the next day was a problem!) living on mega-caffeine.

My thought was that most viewers would rather do viewing for something 'that matters' and they would psychologically probably do better with success resulting in someone they felt protective of being helped, than just 'winning some money'. So my idea was to set up a whole ARV group based on this. Any money 'won' in a gambling-based system would be pre-planned to be split up. Some of the money went back toward the pot for the betting, and some of the money went to charity for a very specific kind.

For example you can donate chickens, shoes, all kinds of things, all over the world, through a variety of organizations. You would be amazed at how much difference donating the money for one goat can make to a whole village of people. I have some friends that often do this instead of buying 'junk people don't care much about' for people for christmas and I think that's wonderful. You can donate a month of food for an old tiger in a charity place, all kinds of things. And these can be specific sometimes, like a big-cat sanctuary will have the specific animals they're keeping and you can say, "Cat-X to get Donation-X." Well my idea was to collect a ton of these sorts of donations and stories, each one would have a page made up which featured the donation in as much heart-wrenching detail and photo as possible.

And before the viewer got their task number for the ARV, they would get this screen. It would say, "If you SUCCEED in accurately describing the target in such a way that the evaluator chooses the correct outcome with confidence, then Cat-X will get Donation-X thanks to you!" And when the feedback came in (later) for their viewing, they would have to click to see the feedback, and if the trial was successful, it would show them that screen again.

My point was that maybe selling the viewer's psychology on something GOOD with it as their primary reason for doing it, might have a different outcome, where luck, chance, english, etc. would not seem to conspire against success or continued-success as it usually does for this subject. I thought that maybe the whole tasker/viewer psychology would not care so much about $X going toward the project (which would not even be noted, that is deliberately 'ignored') if $Y were doing some genuine good in the world.

I still think this is a great idea (I am creative when sleep deprived to the point of lunacy) but I have not made the effort to do this substantial project. In part because I have too many of those unfinished already. And in part because getting decent participants in such things is easier said than done. Most the serious viewers are seriously viewing already and busy.

***

I found an old old note that said Maelee's name was Laelee. And that she had made me spontaneously think of a part of me I call a 'possible alter' many times, and she had told me that I could do an archmed on that if I wanted. She had also told me that she took the form she did (I was confused because it was a white girl and the name sounded asian) because "much of her energy is not apropo for anything else in my visual models, so she figured she'd just choose something I could visualize well" and that picture (the painting I never could find again) had apparently had a positive impression on me not long before.

So... I screwed up her name, she corrected it, then I forgot, and then she managed to get through to me enough to get me to correct the spelling sort-of, based on the context of the old-name? I feel like an idiot. I will change the name yet AGAIN in my blog and visual picture I guess... and I guess really I could choose ANY picture given her reasoning and if I felt good about it she would probably be ok with that.

To me this sounds, externally, kinda retarded, like it shouldn't even matter. But for some reason I feel inside me that it really does matter, that my physical-world anchors, and models in sight and sound, for the consortium have some very profound effect beyond what I understand.

***

Have you ever noticed that when you focus on what needs dealing with in your life, all kinds of stuff comes to the fore? It's like when you are cleaning something that involves drawers or closet or something, and "it always gets worse before it gets better". That's a bit of how I feel at times with archetype work.

***

A comment on a recent post here said:

Lately I've noticed that when I really decide that I'm going to work on something via meditation or intent or whatever, I might think the goal is small but it's actually part of a big, big issue that takes a long time to work out. For instance, I might want to work on "making a new friend" but it ends up being "Ok, and 2 years later when you've finally worked through your abandonment issues, learned how to start viewing strangers in a more positive light, etc. ok HERE is your new friend!" So maybe your "victim" work will improve in stages. Let's make "heater" #1 :)

This is such a good point. It always seems like there are so many different energies that actually creatively combine to result in any given situation in your life.

So you can do an archetype meditation about that situation but the results sometimes depend, and maybe that is because there's more than one energy involved. Maybe if there were 10 major energies involved you'd get 1/10th the the result from a general archmed because the energy you can pour in at any one time has to be distributed.

Maybe this is why doing numerous archmeds on "variations on a theme" about a given problem, as I exampled in the early part of my last post, is so effective, because it gives IG a chance to gear the meds to directly address multiple energies. Hmmn.

***

That reminds me of something I was talking with a friend about once. I was saying that it seemed like with archetypes, there could be this given energy that you had an issue with, but it wasn't just present in "some part of your life" -- it would be present in EVERY part of your life but that it would "look different" depending on that part of life.

As if the energy is one thing (eg your planet Jupiter) but it is feeding through many things (eg each zodiac sign or each house) -- to use an example more geared to the astro folks. Or like Feng Shui, and water in a wood zone has a different effect than water in a fire zone. So an issue with authority might act out in 12 different ways (or even more) in your daily life and we might not realize all those things are associated.

Maybe it's why you got a speeding ticket; and it's why your father was a jerk at the family gathering; and it's why your payment to the credit card company was a day late resulting like $95 worth of creatively named fees for the same thing; and it's why your wife is intolerant about something you want to do or don't want to do; and it's why the backyard dogs are really a hassle in some certain way; and it's why that project at work is getting such kickback from that VP; and it's why the city is being obnoxious about replacing your falling apart trashcan; and it's why the clerk at the drugstore had such an attitude; and -- well you see what I mean.

ONE given energy relationship issue could be (and probably is) acting out "all over the place" in your reality. If you could see the energies that are having the most effect like that, you could focus on those, and maybe radically improve your whole life with less 'rambling and wandering' effort, a more targeted approach toward what-matters-most for quality of life.

Maybe focusing only on one or more of those points, would bring in other energy with each meditation, and would not allot so much toward the key energy they all have in common.

So maybe it would be a useful exercise to make a list of every single thing in one's life that is obnoxious, even small stuff, even one-time fairly recent (last several months) events, even subtle situations (no-big-deal but noticeable), etc. And then see if going through and considering what underlying issue/energy is at play in each one and writing that down.

For example it is possible that issues with "authority" or "victimization" or "fear of the future" or "regret for the past", might actually describe a lot of the individual items. If there was a lot of repetition there, especially if some of the items were huge issues, then it seems like that energy would be a good place to focus with IG.

I guess we could put this in the category of useful 'exercises' to help support this kind of shamanic effort.

***

So I was thinking about something I blogged on recently. How I'd been doing this med and my 'ability to focus', like some element of my brain function, literally "cycled out" and I had to hold tight to nothing but the idea of what I was doing, and 'stay still' mentally, until the capacity cycled back in again. And this happened repeatedly. I talked about how this was a little similar to the situation when Dreamlings are coming through, basically it's my mind going radically off for a limited time and I have to find a way to anchor myself 'through' it so that when it's over I can remember what I was doing and continue with it. And how it seems like this might also be happening on a larger scale, when in normal life I find myself "unfocusing" even visually often.

Well I was thinking about something else in conjunction with this too, which I've also talked about in the past, that having to do with two different things:

1 - The experience of being WIDE awake, alert, and abruptly passing out, and I mean so suddenly it's worrisome. Not just tuning out which can happen in a meditation (new exposure to brainwave states below what you're using to holding conscious states in conjunction with can often knock you out). Not just falling asleep, or mind wandering.

2 - Abreactions, body-spasms that clearly feel as if they are "rejecting" energy attempting to travel through the body, 'shunting it off the line' so that it does not reach the brain.

I think for me this is serious, and that it is nervous-system based.

I think that maybe it's like your brain/body simply WILL NOT deal with a certain energy, whether by programming or... what, who knows. And so when this energy comes up in a meditation, one of two things happen: either the body "shunts it off" so it won't reach the brain, or if the body fails to do that, like some kind of failsafe, the brain "toggles off" like a breaker switch the moment that energy hits it. I've had both things occur.

And I've had the experience of encountering the same thing again later, and realizing, "Hey! That's what I was working on when I [abruptly passed out / spasmed so hard I forgot who I was and what I was doing] the other night!" -- and then had one or the other of them happen AGAIN, and although I forgot the thing at issue, I did remember the realization.

This bothers me. A lot. It makes me feel not quite in control of my own mind. As if there is some "really serious shit" going on beneath the surface that I am oblivious to, that I am allowing to continue, that I am not focusing on, digging out, and saying, 'This is unacceptable and I will deal with it directly'.

I want to come up with a short series of archetype meditations geared toward addressing this issue. I consider it critical to any "awareness" effort. Kinda like the saying about how if you had 6 hours to chop down a tree, spend the first 5 sharpening your ax. If I cannot stay alert during problem issues, if I cannot accept or allow energy to reach my brain for problem issues, if I cannot 'hold on to ability to focus' at times, then how can I really do well at this work? Those seem like pretty critical elements to me.

Well that's my rambling for tonight.

PJ

Book Talk, TIGM/es 01

Post 1 in a series related to Edwin Steinbrecher's book "The Inner Guide Meditation."

I may ramble about related stuff or other thoughts through this. But I'm going to walk through my current re-reading of the book (last time was about 15 years ago) and thoughts I have. This stuff is key to the inner work I do -- though in my opinion, the inner work has no real limits and the book of course does -- and key to others understanding more of the down to earth structure of this kind of work, and maybe more of the ideas that it rides in on. Not all of which may be accurate, of course. I don't think anybody has all the final answers.

Re-reading is a dilemma of sorts, though not as much as some books can be. It's like this: on one hand, he is brilliant, and insightful, and has documented important stuff, and is worth quoting and modeling. On the other hand, perhaps because we are not the same person, I don't agree with him on every point.

Most the areas where I start differing, are when I sense that he has a paradigm, or that he created one while thinking he was 'objective' because multiple people were involved in the shared experience-set he used to map out 'what happened, when, where, etc.'. My remote viewing and hypnosis background both lean heavily on the idea that we influence others when we work with them; and that expectations can and will do so; and there is even some evidence scientifically that whomever is in charge of, or considered the expert for, a given group-effort, will have an undue influence on the 'spontaneous experience' that others have--yes, even if those others don't know their views.

You only have to see how a tasker's intent affects double-blind viewing to understand that these things happen without regard to whether other people know about something; energetic connection apparently exists below that. He on the other hand, seems oblivious to this point. So if he is the central person with a given belief, and others intentionally working with his ideas to report back to him for the sake of his work and writing the book, have experiences falling into his existing belief or his own prior experience, he considers this proof that "that's the way it must be for everybody," because he considers the two experiences to be unrelated and therefore objective. I don't.

Steinbrecher was also a serious astrologer, which seems to have given him the tendency to think that there is a map and the options and details and what they mean are the same for everybody, even though 'which' of those details are called varies based on the person. I respect astrology, thanks to a friend I respect very much who has been seriously involved with it for many decades. And I think it is great used in conjunction with shamanic archetype work. And maybe Edwin is right about some of the ways he applies it (eg he insists that what your guide looks like, depends on a specific thing in astrology). But I don't think any 'framework', including that one, should be used to seal the record on what is allowed to 'be' or 'be valid', and in places it seems like that's in danger of happening.

So when I see stuff that I doubt, or feel I've experienced differently, I'll be talking about it.

But it should be stated here in this intro post that I think Steinbrecher did fabulous work with all this, very important work that lets ordinary western folk take a combination of ancient shamanism, jungian psychology, and work it into something anybody can use to directly affect change in themselves and their reality -- the definition of 'magick'.

Israel Regardie wrote of this book:

This book will go down in occult history as one of the most significant contributions to meditation in modern times.

Regardie was probably the most knowledgeable occultist of his era or close enough, and I have respect for his opinion.

Also, he has been in a few of my "deep dreams", the sort that seem more like 'spiritual experiences' than 'dreams' if you know what I mean. So I am biased in his favor for that. I think I only recorded one with him in it, and I couldn't find a date on the doc that google desktop found this in, but here's an example:

The Dream of Israel's Portrait of Alistor
and our Entwining "Tripod of Consciousness"

I was minding my own business. I haven't been even remotely involved with anything related to official magick in some time, I mean as far as reading, talking, studying, practicing goes. So dreaming about it was out of the blue.

Last night I found myself face to face -- close up -- with this painting: a portrait of Crowley.

Not so much that it looked like he ever did; tough to explain.

It was truly amazingly done, it managed to convey a huge amount of emotion and information and depth. Done in thick paints like the days of old, it had real texture as well as visuals. Yet it was dominantly in these odd greens and angles that gave it this rather Saturn-like, weird feeling, a bit of cold, impersonal and unearthly feeling as one of the many overtones.

I turned to Israel (Regardie, who created it) and I said, "Israel, it's beautiful. You've captured so much of his energy it's like the portrait is alive. You always did have such a gift for empathic insight, and this is real art. And yet, I think the greens are partly your own interpretation of him; I would have used less of those, and a bit more deep blues."

And he admitted that was likely the case, and then he reached out for me and we became like long ribbons, or maybe snakes or strings, and we wound around each other like a candy cane all the way out to the ends. It felt so strange, it was amazing! It was like I could feel my (astral?) body just thinning out and wrapping around his in a vortex-like spiral. He was a tremendously warm soul, and he gave me this feeling of real "maturity" is the only word I can put to it; I relaxed into him with a mix of gratitude and sensuousness and decided it had been too long and I'd really missed him.

Later in the dream, after Israel and I had been winding around each other, always going upward, having a tremendously good time (strangely close; not really sexual, I mean we didn't have normal bodies, but so intensely intimate it defies words) Alistor showed up to take a look at the portrait and comment on it.

I had missed him and reached out to him, and he took my hand and somehow was connected to Israel as well when he did. He didn't seem surprised that Israel and I were old friends any more than that he and I seemed to be, and he swirled in with us, and we contemplated the portrait as a "joined tripod unit of consciousness" for a bit.

Then Alistor pulled back so he was an individual and said "Yes, Israel, right about the blues. I see more of them in me than you do, but it's always been that way." And Israel and I directed our long swirled-entwined strings of bodies over closer to the portrait and looked at it again for awhile.

I decided that he is far more understanding of Crowley now than he had been when he was alive; or rather, that he now has fewer personal issues in the way of expressing his insight.

I woke up feeling like I had partly merged with Israel and was now not entirely the same person I had been before I went to sleep.

As trivia, I once had a remote viewing session that has a vague resemblance to one point in this. I was using Win Winger's "Image-Streaming" technique as an experiment on a couple targets.

IS is very good for warmup/state of mind. Horrible for viewing as, like archetype work, it's imaginally-based. RV is greatly harmed by too much of that energy. In fact one reason RV is such a nebulous skill is because like many things, it uses the imagination (and memory) as "the tool for delivery of information", but you want the absolute minimum of imagination (and memory) to be active, ironically. Yet you can't suppress it all or you'd have nothing.

On one side you have memory, and the more you know or even suspect about a target (no matter how subtly), the more memory comes into play, feeding your subtle data based on both static memory and the projections one's analytical mind -- even at the below-conscious level -- create based on that. On the other side you have imagination, and the less you know about a target, the more any data you do get (even if 100% accurate and psychically-derived), because it has absolutely no model, framework, scale, perspective, for the brain to hang something on, the more imagination affects it.

These two polarities of imagination and memory + extrapolation are constantly functioning (as they are meant to do in normal life) through the RV session. The problem is that while these are necessary to functional human life, more than the absolute minimum (it appears) is terrible for RV. One has to hold a state of mind that is kind of 'in the middle' between those points, 'open' and allowing the tools to provide or translate info based on your intended target (for which you have only a random number), yet not going in either direction, and attempting to learn to recognize when you have, when the subtle data is your own translation or assumption, or when it's symbolic etc.

Anyway, in the IS-based RV session, I was sitting back in a recliner, eyes closed, using a tape recorder for data. I suddenly found myself standing right up next to a painting, far too close, and it took me a moment to realize it was a painting because it seemed real for a moment first. The painting was life-sized and had such thick paint it gave a 3D effect. (I had a friend tell me fine old art is like that. But I have only seen prints. I'm sorry I'm uneducated about art. Never lived near a museum or visited, to see 'real' classic art.)

In the painting was a full size skeleton, with one arm up holding something that flashed through rifle/sword/scythe (scythe like the archetypal 'death' carries), and the skull tilted back with the mouth open I felt screaming though in silence. It was shocking, like some archetype work done in a deeply altered state, and I was reacting and literally falling back to escape it so close as I realized it was a painting and got farther away from it, then feeling I was standing on the carpeted, railed balcony of a 2nd story, inside a house or something, looking at it on the wall.

Then I found myself just outside something like a hospital, 'sensed' and only seen in translation like an energy (like an X-ray visual almost, but 3D and subtler), and people were going up the elevator inside it, but many just continued, as if for them the elevator went upward indefinitely.

That was not much data and heavily symbolic, obviously. The target turned out to be the setup for a (in)famous civil war battle. And although it is normal to get data that is key to the existence of a given target (e.g., if the target is welding a WWII airplane, you're likely to get some war data and airplane data before your mind 'settles in' to the focus of some guy up against a metal wall with a welding iron, assuming it ever does), this didn't have enough data to get around to that, so was not any success as a session.

That kind of session in some (not many but some) contexts still might have potential value, but it is neither specific nor accurate about 'the focus'. One of the differences between RV and 'traditional' psi is the very specific targeting (ask a specific question/directive), the specific focus on, to the degree possible, only data which answers that intent (as opposed to 'anything which might be accurate about anything related to this'), and of course that RV is supposed to be done in a double-blind protocol (where neither the viewer, nor anybody with any form of physical proximity to them, knows the nature or detail of the 'intended data' they are to acquire. And in a perfect world, knows nothing about the target 'context' either, but in the real world, sometimes they do). Anyway it was a failure as a session but was still interesting as an experience.

The incredible painting reminds me of that dream. I don't remember the dates but I'm pretty sure the dream came first.

Anyway on my next post I'm going to start at the beginning, and when I run into something I'll be quoting some stuff and writing about it. This is in part my attempt to give more credit to ES and pay more attention to his book than I ever did in the first place. And in my part my attempt to really 'think through' what it is I allegedly believe--and why--and how those paradigms might be, even now, pre-shaping my experiences without my being aware of it.

PS The funny thing about that tripod-of-consciousness dream is that I had completely forgotten about this until writing this. I recently had a super-'lite' version of that... nothing as intense as the dream. And my ex had once told me of this powerful dream he'd had about being three-in-one. But I'd forgotten this one until now. Funny it would come up right after talking about that.

PJ

Abreactions in Archetype Meditation and Remote Viewing

In hypnosis, an 'abreaction' is what I was taught to call the spontaneous muscle spasm jerks that the subject (person being hypnotized) sometimes would display -- these can be anywhere in the body, but usually occur solar plexus or lower. The idea is that when this happened, it was a subconscious "rejection" of the information that was being processed at that moment. You've heard the slang phrase "a knee-jerk reaction" -- yes. Basically that sums it up.

In psychology official, abreaction is "the release of emotional tension achieved through recalling a repressed traumatic experience." Its definition indirectly or directly implies that this recall is via 'words, behavior, or imagination'. Nowhere does it suggest that "spontaneous muscle spasms" qualify for the term, though I suppose they do. For whatever reason, the MDs and PhDs that ran one of the places where I studied hypnosis used that term for that effect.

Abreactions were not uncommon, in fact they were pretty much the norm. Where, how often, how extreme, etc. they might be depended not just on the person but on the subject matter, and I assumed, the degree of belief system issues they were having with absorbing suggestions directly. If one line of suggestion was meeting regular abreactions, the result wasn't likely to be good; best to take a different tact.

At one point, I started studying people around me whom I was not hypnotizing, and came to the interesting conclusion that perhaps many people abreact quite a lot in fact. But it's such a small thing, few of us even notice it. We haven't been trained to do so, to pay attention to that kind of thing, to have any idea it might mean something. So in a way, our body is constantly talking to us, we just don't hear it.

Of course, muscle spasms do also happen for musculature reasons that are not necessarily related to any deep psychological meaning. Sometimes a muscle is just a muscle, you might say.

Just to be clear, I am NOT talking about major, charley-horse type spasms. Those issues can be caused by low magnesium/potassium/calcium. This is something I know too much about, as every time you shift suddenly to low-carb eating, you drop all the artificial 'bloating' your body holds in order to process carbs. The sudden drop in water/glycol bloat washes out a lot of those minerals temporarily and if you are not supplementing with them, 'charley horse' spasms in legs/feet for a short time are not uncommon. That is not the kind of muscle spasm I am talking about.

The kind I'm talking about range from barely perceptible even when you're looking for them, to a major "jerk" of the whole body. They range from a 'twitch' you don't notice to such a wild spasm that you forget literally everything in your head at that moment.

o0o

In archetype meditations I have often run into abreactions. The most difficult meditations I've ever done have always been accompanied by plenty of abreactions -- often instantly when a certain idea, image or concept comes up. Here's a few quotes from old blog posts here to give some real examples of how this comes about. I admit I don't usually make a note of it except in the more extreme cases, but it's not an uncommon thing in more minor degree.

Adjustment, Take II
The moment I arrived and took IG's hands--already my mind trying to escape--and begged her to help hold my attention there, I began abreacting. Muscle spasms went crazy. [...] Every few seconds I would abreact somewhere. It is very obvious I have a severe problem with this archetype but I can't really figure out why. [...] My mind wandered. I held my mind fiercely and my body spasmed so intensely I forgot who the hell I was for a moment. But I began again. And again. And again. And...

A Heavy Issue, Take I
I looked over at the playing cards moving around in the air beside us. I tried to 'see' one clearly. I had a flash of something..
Me: Wands.
My right leg spasmed violently.
I closed my eyes and waited, like in RV, for the next data point.
Me: Red. Feet? Seems like feet or print of feet, but also red.
Both of my legs spasmed more violently.
Me: Horse? I think.
My entire body spasmed wildly.
Me: For godssakes! And won't THAT meditation be fun I bet...

A Heavy Issue, Take I
I thought that sudden memory was IG giving me an answer. So I said, "OK, I want to meditate on "my problem with extra bodyfat" now."
I sneezed violently.
I said dryly to IG, "Well that's gonna be quite the meditation I bet." IG seemed amused, in a good way, the first time I've got that sense from her.

Knock Knock, Neo
I'm having a lot of abreactions still. And I'm starting to forget stuff almost immediately after doing it, which makes blogging it even more important I guess. I must be working on stuff heavier duty than I realize. [...] I said to him, "I'm having constant abreactions but only in my right leg. The calf, the knee and thigh. None anywhere else. Why is it that I am reacting here to you?" And the arch said, "Why don't you do a meditation on the archetype of your right leg." I was dumbfounded. I never thought of meditating on a body part. And yet if our body is manifest energy, and a core part of us, and our memory and so on is throughout our body, then surely every part of the body is a primal part of us. Surely every part of our body has a great deal of symbolic and literal meaning.

Most interesting to me, as it is not the only time this has happened to me -- is this one:

Arch-Dreams and Chaos
I started abreacting. I would have a thought or start an arch-dream and my body would jerk violently in one place or another, mostly lower body. I could literally feel it this time, as if energy-which-is-also-information were trying to run through my nervous system, but blocks were "shunting it off" with muscle spams. It got more severe. At one point, I found myself in this arch-dream and I went, "Hey! Hey, I remember this now! This is where I was last night! This--" and an abreaction so severe that my entire body spasmed wildly hit me. I forgot everything except that last thought. But at least it made me realize that I didn't just pass out in the middle of a thought last night; I was doing "something", I just don't remember what.

So I re-read that last clip above not long ago and I thought, Hey wait a minute. That's a big neon sign, isn't it?! This is exactly what I should be meditating on -- ask IG for "whatever that is". If it is so severe that it knocks you unconscious when you're meditating yet wide awake, that it later gives you such severe abreaction you forget everything in your head related to it instantly, then this is definitely something that needs attention.

But I felt fear the moment that concept hit me. I could feel it in my torso, from my solar plexus down to my groin, like a meta-physical "ghost-feeling" energy of sorts. Which tells me that yes -- definitely I need to meditate on this. But more importantly it also tells me that this -- this fear, this passing out -- I see it as a symptom 'related to' the severe bodily-abreaction. Which sort of corresponds with what I have "intuitively felt" when having abreactions before, many times in fact -- that it is a "shunting off", from the nervous system I believe, of the 'energy', basically "not allowing" it to be processed through the body -- and, I have a couple of times 'sensed', that it is literally traveling through the body and up to (or returning to) the 'brain' area but it's never making it that far; the body is kicking it off the path before it can get there. So the mind cannot 'think' about it because 'the thought never reaches you' you might say. You could call it denial but this is happening at a body/subconscious level before that energy/info ever has the chance to even make it into your processing mind.

To a vastly lesser degree -- but still worth noting -- I sometimes abreact in Remote Viewing sessions as well. I seem to do it more when dehydrated. I seem to do a lot more when there is a great deal of trauma in the target, in fact, if I'm doing a target and abreacting all over the place I know it's going to be a 'mass trauma' target (eg a photo of the immediate aftermath of -- while still pulling survivors and bloody victims out of rubble -- some massive disaster, e.g. a major earthquake). When people are dead already, or when it's just something explosive, or when it's long after or before the disaster or not with a focus on humans, I don't get it so much. But when there is a mass number of humans in great drama/trauma/death all at once in a target, I am likely to either bluescreen the entire negative or have a terrible problem with abreactions (and getting data at all, as a result, since my body is throwing most of it off the line!) during session.

I know this is boring (my readers are already snoring) but I think this is important.

It's important to RV because if abreacting does indicate a rejection of energy/information, it would matter to figure out how to work on that after or during the experience, to try and clear that out.

It's important to meditation because if we learn to notice such things about our bodies, we learn more about ourselves. This ties into a recent thing too. Not long ago I blogged:

Body Talk
...during the meditation I had a sudden 'twinge' in my left foot. Of course when you meditate you get all kinds of distracting body sensations, little pains, etc. But because I was at that moment pouring energy into an archetype (to no particular effect), without thinking much about it, I shifted and for a few moments, was pouring the same kind of energy-intent into my foot where it had the painful little twinge. And I got a *major* rush, body-wide. I was astonished. It made me realize that when we are meditating on something, body stuff isn't just a 'distraction' -- it's energy acting-out, it's communication or at least warning sparks -- and THAT is exactly where to focus. I mean, that's what pain is about: saying, "pay attention to me!" And all this time I've been taking this no-mind meditation approach toward it -- rather than the active-meditation format I actually use -- I'd been working to ignore that kind of thing. Once I realized that my body could talk to me and that energy with my body was as much a part of the meditation as the other things, that seemed to come and go for awhile, as if my body was as delighted as I was that I had learned a few simple words of its language.

It isn't just abreactions. It's any 'body response'. It's like we are meditating and we want to talk with our subconscious, and our body IS our subconscious in manifest form, and every time it says something to us we go, "Shut up. I'm ignoring you because I'm meditating to talk to my subconscious." Sheesh!

I guess it just seems to me that paying more attention to things like abreactions and sudden pains etc., may be a great deal more important than I have previously considered. Maybe when I get a serious abreaction I should actually meditate ON the abreaction.

Previously when talking with IG about remote viewing and inaccurate data, she suggested that I work directly with the problem data (after feedback) to clear/straighten out that energy in myself. We shared a kind of visualization of these vertically suspended 'strings of energy' that had bends, stiffness, knots, frays, etc. (this representing, literally or figuratively, energy-issues with certain data) and basically rejuvenating all those strings so they would be clean, supple, strong strings of light. And then that this could be done pretty quickly, en-masse, and I imagined them all together in a group over a star-trek style transporter pad, and the energy just going through them at the quantum level and reorganizing them cleanly according to their true pattern and getting rid of interference etc. I've wondered if one could do this before feedback or even before the session--if we can psychically know the target, why could we not know what data points we're going to have issues with?--and if that might help as a process ritual to 'clear out' energetic problems ahead of time.

Well along the same lines, maybe I should be doing that kind of "reality med" -- what I call very brief shape-visualization-based meditations -- on every serious abreaction, pain, itch, etc. that I might get during meditation or remote viewing.

If nothing else I am going to make a point to pay a lot more attention to this now, and to 'allow' my body to use this as a kind of communication. Maybe 'itch on my left foot' is like a task number, a 'directive' to pay attention to that energy (whatever it might be) at least for a moment. Maybe abreactions are just a big arrow to what we resist, refuse, etc. and great strides could be made by specifically meditating on the parts of our body that abreact, hurt, etc.

PJ
.

The Private Oracle

I found this quote from Seth (via Jane Roberts) which made me go "Hmmmn." Last night.

The private Oracle: what does that mean? [...] The Private Oracle is the voice of the inner multidimensional self -- the part of each person not fully contained in his or her personhood, the part of the unknown self-structure out of which personhood, with its physical alliance, springs. Basically that portion of the psyche is outside of space and time, while enabling you to operate in it. It deals intimately with probabilities -- the source of all predictable action. Because of its position it has great powers of communication, both as a receiver and as a sender.

So this morning I was talking to IG when I said,

"So IG, is that the same as you? Can you introduce me to my Pr --"

"I'm your Private Oracle" said this major presence to my front right. No visual or even sense of a form at all, just 'awareness' at that location, but a whole 'part of me that is powerful'. Sort of. I lack words to do this justice.

Definitely NOT the same as IG. I was assuming maybe they mostly overlapped. I asked IG to step into me so we'd be one for talking to him. It. Whatever. I call it him for some reason.

Me: Wow, just like that? I can totally get you?

PO: Yes. I am not difficult to communicate with. You merely have to ask.

Me: I feel like now that I have you I should be asking you something big and I don't even know what. Um. Will I ever be thin?

PO: Most probably not. But you will most likely be thinner than you are now.

Me: Oh. ...um, ok. Do you overlap with IG's energy?

PO: A small amount.

Me: Will you please work with her directly to in some good way? She's the awesomest.

PO: OK.

Me: If I pray toward you can you help me?

PO: All prayer should be to God. Yes, I can help if you ask. I help even when you don't ask, most of the time, but I can be of more direct assistance if you consciously include me.

Me: Wait a minute. Why would some metaphysical aspect of self care if I'm talking to 'God', care about religion?

PO: We are all geared to God. God is not a separate identity or a religious creation of Man, it is all of us, everything. We have always been all-composed of it. We are all drawn forward to that.

Me: Oh. So... like when Archangel Michael picked up my attention praying to him and set it down "at the feet of God" was the feeling... I see.

(I tried various approaches to asking about Remote Viewing skill, finally realizing that what I wanted was kind of like, him to help me, proactively, right now, like how an archetype merges into me or something. It just didn't seem to be working.)

Me: So you can't... "help" me, physically or whatever. You're really just... information. Powerful in that regard, but just info; not 'effect'.

PO: ...basically correct. But the power is always in you. Other things do not give you power. You accept power already yours that you perceive to have been separated from you, is all.

Me: I see. Sort of.

(I find that I'm spacing out and getting lost in major offbeat daydreams like between every exchange.)

(I also find that whatever he says to me, if I don't write it down INSTANTLY, almost as-it-comes, I have forgotten it like 20 seconds later. Some of the above I was able to recapture but barely.)

Me: Why am I forgetting like that??

PO: I operate outside your linear space-time framework. In a way, you perceive me as an 'event', but not quite. So the information is --

My cat Rene crawled up on me and interrupted my attention. I looked at her and had the most bizarre impression. As if she were "a bundle of information" gathered up into what I perceived as "the shape and nature of a cat." I almost had an overlay--more my own than anything from PO -- of the movie 'the matrix' and bodies and structures being 'composed of' the computer code' except this wasn't computer in any way, but something vastly more fundamental. I had the feeling that PO perceived the cat through me, not directly, but perceived it entirely as an "energy-information construct" of which some happened to include the nature of what we perceive to be a cat. But her cat-ness, for lack of a better word (as well as her gender), was "a property of the information-collection." Like... secondary to whatever she really IS.

Me: So can I just call on you?

PO: Of course.

(He says this before I'm 25% of the way done with my question. I feel slightly irked when that happens with identities I'm talking to.)

Me: Is there...... is there something I should... should be "doing" concerning you?

(I notice that he doesn't answer until I'm done. I was thinking like, sharing energy, or whatever, a sense of trade or commitment like with archetypes.)

PO: No, not really.

Me: I think you were explaining why whatever you tell me falls out of my brain shortly after I 'get it' so I forget if I'm not communicating it right that moment.

(I suddenly in the last part of that sentence remember stuff I was reading the night previously from Win Wenger about the importance of saying data out loud to a tape recorder or another person, literally that it was important that it be not just objectified but sort of said so that "someone else hears it". As I finished the sentence and association, PO said:)

PO: I am always part of that you know. Intuitive and psychic information. I am varying degrees of that information, depending on many factors. My nature is one reason it IS worthwhile to have it "reflected back to you" -- in doing so, it is being created inside your reality construct. That gives it the space-time anchoring that is needed in order for it to remain clearly as something innate to your reality, and not vanish from you as soon as a sufficient few moments of perceived-time have moved your attention past where the information was present with you. Words don't explain this very well.

(But I understood it in my head somehow, as if he was helping.)

Me: So in a way it's like... um. Like, when you say something to me, it's not that you are giving me that info, like it is becoming as you say innate to my reality. It is more like I am momentarily present 'with' you which is 'not' within my perceived sense of time, space and reality. So I get the info while I am momentarily 'there'. But I can only hold that there-ness for a couple of moments before I naturally move on and then the information is gone. Like I was looking at it through an open doorway and then I moved onward.

PO: Yes.

Me: But if I communicate it while I'm looking through that doorway, the information is then in the room with me so to speak. In my world. So it doesn't have to get lost. I created it.

PO. Good. Yes.

Me: But so why would my "being aware of it being heard" by another person or tape recorder (I know innately that if I were not aware and it was secretly heard this would not work at all, 'awareness' of it is the key), matter more than my just writing it down?

PO: The reflection is the important part. The awareness. You are remembering this more clearly because you are typing it in your blog and you have this 'awareness' that other people are going to 'see' it. It is functioning the same for you.

Me: So I don't have to say it out loud?

PO: Some people might. You do not. Your 'awareness' related to written communication and your sense of others' perceiving it and reflecting that back is very strong.

Me: Like when I'm typing and I get the 'impression' of the questions and arguments that people will make to what I'm writing so I adjust it for that. That is my 'awareness of the reflection'.

PO: Yes. Good.

Me: Yeah but still, I don't get it. Why is the 'awareness' important and not just the communication? If I write it down it's real in my reality. So why does my sense of someone else perceiving what I write down, change something about it?

PO: Because information does not exist in a vaccuum. Reality, as you yourself have understood it at times, is not about individual things, like objects and properties. It is about relationships. {A subthought arrives AS he is saying this, and somehow I perceive them both simultaneously: "A single point in space-time has no inherent meaning; it is the relationship of that point to other points, which make it mass or emptiness, which make it a right-angle or the apex of a triangle, that give reality 'meaning' to you."} This is like a circuit, like a loop. You must make the connection. The energy needs to flow through the circuit-loop and return to you.

Me: And then it is... "feedback", literally -- like a combination of physical feedback like a microphone screeching, and psychological or brain feedback, like when you can "see" in your reality the result of some action you have taken and learn from it. It's like both combined, and a little more I'm not getting, but I sense I'm getting enough. It is not "fully vested in me" when it is merely going through me; it becomes so when I "move that energy through my reality" and it comes back to me sort-of from the outside--or my sense of from the outside, in a way.

PO: That is correct.

Me: I have the feeling this might actually relate some to the power of ritual or prayer in groups. That it's not just that there is more than one person's energy involved. It is that every person has awareness that every other person is perceiving them and that bounces back to them and that amplified awareness within each person becomes exponential sort of.

PO. Yes. Good.

Me: You don't feel like The Narrator did to me really, but he was also an information source.

PO: Everything you can communicate with is an information source.

Me: Well yeah but I mean he gave whole lectures and so on. Are you part of him?

PO: He is part of me. And something different as well.

Me: Casteneda said it was like a symbiote inorganic or something like that. Like we were paying some price for the information maybe.

PO: All relationships are a trade.

Me: So... somehow, there is something that I am giving to you, that is the exchange for you giving me, this conversation.

PO: Yes. That is always the case, not just with me.

Me: Even with Inner Guide?

PO: I said always.

Me: But -- well ok. So but maybe with IG she is part of me and so whatever I am giving her is good for her, but not bad for me, and --

PO: I did not imply that this is a negative trade or a payment that results in a loss. You are modeling this in the way your culture perceives money, as if it is a limited thing that, once shared, you are then deprived of. That is not part of it at all. You are unlimited. {At the same moment he said that I got a subthought reminder: "Every number is infinite."}

Me: I just had the weirdest abstract 'sense' of something. That I am as much shaped by what I share as by what I take in. Like in art, like if you erase some tiny part here, and add some tiny part there, you have changed the picture equally as much with both actions.

PO: Very good.

Me: That was from you??

PO: Yes.

Me: So these 'subthoughts' and 'overlays' -- they are you communicating with me too, not just my mind bouncing around on its own.

PO: Yes. But as an aside, your mind is never bouncing around on its own. It is always both giving and receiving information, at all times.

Me: So when I'm thinking about something, it --

PO: I said at all times. Whether you believe yourself to be thinking about something or not.

Me: But when my brainwaves are quiet, how --

PO: Your mind is much more than your brainwaves.

{I had several simultaneous overlays at that moment. Some related to the mind being capable of perceiving more than it can actually translate and bring into this 'reality' so to speak, this body, but still being able to 'act upon' such information, almost like saying the subconscious has its own subconscious. Some overlays related to the brain being 'the entire body' and particularly the whole nervous system, which I'd heard before, but to a lesser degree, literally the entire body, and then also other things that we don't consider physically manifest but that are actually part of our body, just energies not physical in this ... whatever it is. Dimension.}

Me: For some reason I'm suddenly thinking that the difference between what I call information channeling, vs. identity channeling, is really just information. That like how you perceived my cat. That the cat-ness and all parts of that were just information too. Like information that by its nature 'packaged' the information-bundle-of-cat.

PO: Yes. Identity is a type of information.

Me: So when I allow myself to get energy but -- with exceptions -- not identities...?

PO: You are filtering the information to exclude the information specific to the identity.

Me: Does this mean it is any less coming from an identity?

PO: No. It just means you do not perceive it that way. And that how the information is organized may be a little different for losing the identity which, in its own way, organizes information into a certain structure. This can cause some loss of the cohesive relationship of the information which means more work required on your part to translate it correctly within your reality model.

Me: Um. So... so maybe the information would be more... better in some way... if I allowed the identities?

PO: There is no better or worse involved. Just different.

{I fell asleep! I wasn't remotely sleepy and I've been up for awhile. Awakening again...}

Me: Where was I. {Reading blog.} I see. OK but -- I don't want to channel, I want to remote view.

PO: They are different interpretive, experiential frameworks. They are both basically asking for information.

Me: Well yeah, but -- but remote viewing 'directly perceives' and channeling is like... asking someone else for the info and them letting them possess you while you they explain it.

PO: Your psychic process is asking the information to come directly, and you translate through your body. Which is not in all cases adapted to or trained to all the information's potential need -- neurally mapped, as your readings {--from Ingo Swann} might have put it. Channeling information is asking the information to be translated and organized by parts of yourself not fully physical as you think of it, and then brought directly through to what you consider your mind. Channeling identities is like acquiring a translation and organization filter which is also serves as the... case, or skin, of the presentation.

Me: Weird. So like... I'm thinking of the other meaning of skin, like with computer software. So like, as an analogy... my viewing is like doing an http GET, stripping all the text and files from the code, logging them in my database, then feeding all those text and file inputs directly into my own browser window in the most simple html way possible. On one hand, the information is local, and more... er, literal or pure. On the other hand if it's a flash file and I'm pulling it directly without a player or script it needs, if my own window/page has not got the "translator/player" setup for certain types of media, I wouldn't be seeing it, or it might be garbled in some code cases. And while I might be getting things more literally into my database, I'm getting them without full context on my screen display and sometimes things are interfering with each other, so how I interpret them might be quite different. {In my head as I say this I see an "interference pattern" like technology.} And I can only really grok so much at once and for some reason I only have 'the moment' of its reception, so I'm using memory and constantly refreshing the page to re-experience it again to remember more.

PO: OK.

Me: Info channeling or 'streaming' is like running a script that in the background, gets the information, then parses it into xml as best as it can, then presents that to me however the parser is written to do. Except maybe it's like, presenting everything as print so I'm not getting the many facets of audio/video or whatever that is the raw source, so it may be more organized but it is less literal and more translated and missing some... "dimensions" of info including specifics one might get if looking directly. Identity channeling is like using a third party software application that spiders out its own version of the data, does its own xml translation, does a custom, proprietary format for presentation, still mostly in text but--um, annotated differently, unique to that software--and then shows it to me in a DRM format. (I crack myself up.)

PO: That {analogy} could work... mostly.

Me: I like feeling "in the center" when information is everywhere and I feel like I'm right in the middle of one of those cooshballs toys or whatever they are, made of rubber band strings, and a 'line of information' goes out from me in every possible direction. Jane Roberts referred to it like paths but for me it's not quite so 2-D. I have a problem getting my conscious mind out of the way enough to not be shifting the flow as it happens though.

PO: Like in your viewing, you need to hold the focus on the target, not on the information you just received about the target, or you shift your point of focus.

Me: Accidentally retasking myself.

PO: Correct.

Me: Like if you were to focus on a bridge during session and say 'metal' and then by focusing on that, retask on 'metal' which is a totally different target.

PO: Correct.

Me: But I don't understand how during info-channeling I can NOT be focusing on the data when I'm the one communicating it. I can't help but find it interesting and have all kinds of thoughts and questions as it comes across.

PO: Attachment constantly modifies the process. When you are least attached to the information you are most willing to not only perceive it as it truly is {during this I had this flash-memory of a moment in 'Anna and the King' movie where she tells the child, 'Most people do not see the world as it is; they see it as they are.'} but to allow the information itself to go where and how it chooses within you and through you.

Me. Huh. I guess that kind of fits with how the more you just 'accept without judgement' information in RV things tend to go better.

I thought for awhile, wondering, what should I be asking? I put on Avril music rather loud at the kid's request, which was a little distracting. I also started installing Illustrator software on her machine over at the side, then returned to focus on my laptop where I'm blogging this and re-considered the Private Oracle. What information is most important to my world right now?

Me: What do I most need to do or change, for the sake of best improving my viewing skill?

PO: Let go. {I had a total flash-remembrance of something the Narrator told me in what, January 1994. It's in Bewilderness or I wouldn't remember it at all. He said: In many lives you have refused to eat; you have refused to "receive" in various ways; sometimes this has been your physical death; you have an unwillingness to allow yourself vulnerability, and this lack of faith in yourself has hindered you.}

Me: That's it? What the Narrator was saying, about vulnerability, allowing to receive?

PO: Yes.

Me: Can you give some specific suggestions for things that would help me do this better?

PO: The process of "doing" gradually helps, so more consistency would help. For you, consistency is much more important than it might be for some other people. {I remember that Inner Guide (IG) told me that too, about meditating with her: 'Consistency is more important than frequency.'}

Pink is yelling and the kid is singing with her, which keeps distracting me as I want to sing along. You know I bet most people don't have to do metaphysics around a 12 year old and pop-rock.

Me: Are there any meditations or something that might help?

PO: The work you do with your guides as you call them, and your IG, is helping in ways that would contribute to your viewing -- if you were doing more of it.

Me: More viewing, or more meditating?

PO: Both.

Me: What is my biggest problem in viewing?

PO: Failure, and your response -- and pre-response -- to that event or possibility.

Me: Why must failure be involved? Why can't I just be consistently good at it?

PO: That answer is a bit complex for this conversation and setting. Suffice to say it is involved, so you need to learn to deal with it. Remember the attachment issue. Ego, attachment, and fear, are all tied together here. Reducing any of the three will help with the others.

I took a break for awhile to sing with Pink and the kid. Most girls want a man with the bling-bling, got my own thing got the ching-ching, I just want real love. Most girls want a man with the mean green. Don't wanna dance if it can't be everything that I dream of, a man that understands real love. OK nobody ever said our music is deep or anything, but it's fun.

Then I wondered if I chose to take a break when the conversation got uncomfortable for me. Remote Viewing is pretty much the worst possible hobby for a control freak, since it requires the polar opposite state of mind. If it wasn't for whatever the hell it is inside me that I feel like I'm in love with, have a huge crush on, that 'feeds a part of me' that has no other source, it's hard to imagine I'd have been obsessed with RV from the moment I heard of it on Halloween day 1995.

I'll come back to the Private Oracle another time. Weirdly enough, there is no weirdness about this for me. I mean unlike Guides which are... well it's just an odd experience for me and I tend to have resistance... unlike IG, who is awesome and "always with me" but I am not always able to hear her... this 'source of information' for lack of a better description, is fully clear, albeit of course it's 'inside me' just like anything else internally communicating with me is.

My sense of "highly present to the front right" receded after a few minutes of conversation and now I don't have any particular sense of presence.

PJ

Marcan, Black-Eyes and Remote Viewing

Yesterday when napping I had such an 'astral-ish' dream. The sort where you can totally feel your energy body moving around. It vaguely related to remote viewing but I didn't remember much detail. Only that I was lying on a trampoline and gently throwing myself (impossibly) up into the air and then sinking low and rebounding.

Last night I was dreaming and again, I was focused on remote viewing. Not a surprise as I've been working on a human target pool yesterday and today. A man showed up to help me who seemed normal and friendly, we were going to be working on my RV, and I was just feeling enthusiastic when another man showed up very suddenly and pulled me away from him, forward in space but somehow in time as well.

The man who had arrived had a 'fascination' element for me; his eyes were black and hypnotic. In the back of my head, I was concerned about the nice guy, but couldn't seem to think very clearly about it anymore.

We were continuing on this journey, and the first man showed up behind us to join me. He seemed to think that it was his place to be with me related to RV. The second man with 'the eyes' grabbed him and threw him some impossible distance away. I looked back, stricken, worried that he would be harmed, and it seemed he had crumbled in a heap in the distance. But then the new guy's eyes distracted me and we continued on.

The nice guy showed up behind us a second time, refusing to leave me alone with the other. The other guy then grabbed him and somehow threw him into an oncoming speeding car that tumbled over until when I looked again, somehow he was stretched out like a cartoon around the end of a truck, obviously dead. I was getting more concerned now but again the eyes distracted me and we walked on.

A third time, the man showed up beside me, and the guy next to me threw him back on the ground, and the man with me shot him in the head three times. I looked in some horror at all the blood spreading on the ground behind us, and feeling some odd sense of grief I let the man pull me forward and away.

I suddenly woke up, and the dark-eyed man couldn't hold me asleep as I felt he tried to; he was gone to me when I awoke. But I could sense the other man in the dream though--the nice guy who had come to get me three times--as if he were right there with me while I was awake--something I've only felt Nero do before.

I said to him, "Damn, what a dream. Are you real? Are you one of my Guides?" He said yes. I brought us to Inner Guide and asked her if he was in Nero's group and she said yes. I said, "How can you be ok?" He answered, "He can't really hurt me; he can only give you the illusion of my death so you would give up on me." I thought then about how it did seem that when I looked back, his various injuries had sort of followed my attention.

"What's your name?" I asked, apparently too sleepy to remember this part is usually difficult for me, and he said, "Marcus." "Just like that?" I asked with some humor. "So... you are a guide who would work with me on RV, yes?" He nodded.

I still don't really understand the dream. Who was the bad guy with the black hypnotic eyes who didn't want him near me? It had that "three" sequence which I often get in meaningful dreams.

Well so I guess I have another guide now. At least this one's name wasn't hard to figure out.

.
(Edited 21NOV09: Marcus told me he was better with Marcan as a name. I asked why and he said he gave me Marcus because "It was familiar to you" and he wanted me to perceive it without any resistance. So... ok. I have changed the name in the blog so the labels work.)

ArchMed: Fear of Psi #2

This is the second meditation in that fear of psi series. I need to do more of these.

From Jul 18 2002. Archmed: Fear of Psi #2

It was late last night, but I had to go back in to work more with 'fear of psi' arch. I'd been putting it off which is only a sign it needs doing.

First I went to this house I have over past a canyon in my sacred space. I put some energy into its reality as a thoughtform. Just as I was about to turn to the door, I SAW a guide.

SAW him! Visually! Totally clear! For the first time in my whole life! I have 'felt' guides. Once in awhile I can hear like words if they say them quick. I block them - I feel the block - drives me nuts but that's the way it was. I held onto the visual while I said over and over in my head, oh my god! I can see him! I can really SEE him! Oh my god!

I finally said TO him, "I - I can SEE you!! How come I can see you?!" And he said, "Because you are ready for me." I lost the meaning of this because then I was going, "Oh my god! I can HEAR you too!" LOL. I have the attention span of my 5 year old...

Well after a bit, I decided I needed to get to it (the med). He was cleaned off and out and through but nowhere near being a good relationship. So I got myself TO him finally which was a huge effort of will. And I reached for him and put my hands on him and held him close in front of me though he clearly didn't want to be there.

Suddenly I had this huge fear, "My fish! I forgot to feed my fish! They will die! Oh, NO!" -- and I said, "Knock it off! I will not let go of you." I refocused on him.

Suddenly I felt this surge of fear and actual pain in my stomach and thought, "My servers! I forgot to send the money for my servers! This is terrible! Oh, NO!" -- and I said, "I will not let go of you!" and tightened my grip.

I went through about 12 things like this! One by one, every possible thing, every fear, came up in my gut like a hard kick, like I had to let go and focus on something else, but I refused.

Somewhere in there I had this insight that somehow... a lot of "little fears" in my life actually stem from HIM. From the fear of psi. I am not real clear on how. I'm constantly redirecting it into other things in life.

Then fleas were biting me. Then I had terrible itches. Then I had major stomach/pelvic abreactions. My mind tried to go elsewhere. This finally pissed me off to the point that I sat up and forward with my eyes wide opened and just locked the visualization in an overlay over the room around me, so I would not be so easily led away mentally as I am with eyes closed, and every time something bothered me I just dealt with it and then re-affirmed, holding him close, "I am not afraid of you! I will not let go of you!"

Then I said, "Give up. I am not letting go. I will work through you, I will integrate you, I will NOT be afraid."

And for the first time -- archs I fear, I almost never see clearly -- his face came into visual (more concept than vision? ). His eyes looked into mine, and changed radically into these large, orange, vertical-pupil'd cat eyes, the kind the cat-eyed lizard guys have, the hard-core telepath reptilians that seem to think this planet is their property, I knew them way back. I stomped on the fear and held steady and said, "You are alien. You are AN alien... I know that *I* am alien. This doesn't scare me! I will not be afraid of psi! I am not afraid of being alien! I am not afraid!"

Then his mouth came into sense, and this long, snaky forked tongue came out and waved around in my face and I said, "I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU! You are reptilian! -- You are the "ancient brain" -- I know that! I am a reptile, so FINE! -- I am not afraid! I will BE whatever I am -- I AM!"

Then his mouth opened up, and I saw stars and galaxies inside, and it kept opening impossibly huge, as if there was this impossibly vast universe of infinity inside him and I would be infinitely insignificant and utterly lost, and I dug in my heels and held him tighter and yelled in my head, "I am not afraid! I have died in that universe - I have been more dead than this body can dream - I have been dissolved at the ego-core -- I AM! My consciousness will NOT die, nothing dies, it can only change, and I'm willing! I will change! I am all things! I am that universe! You cannot scare me!"

This went on... I don't remember everything about each stage, but it was SOOOO drawn out and dramatic! I refused to be scared by anything, or more accurately, I should say I just dealt with the fear and refused to give into it because it all DID spark me... I insisted on accepting everything as something I was willing to integrate, and I held onto his shoulders and would not let him get away.

I turned to my inner guide (the one with me for such meds) and said, "I need help! What am I supposed to DO with him?! I need some process that will help integrate us, but I don't know what to do!" And I continued fighting to hold on and focus on the arch. I finally had an idea but it was different than normal. Usually in these meds, you do something that affects the archetype. You fix it, change it, heal it, whatever.

The idea was something that actually affected ME as much as the archetype (first time I've had that), a sort of tube of light rings we stood in, and piece by piece starting at the head, it dissolved each of us into the finest particles, then 'cleaned out' the 'space between them', and then merged them into a single body in the middle. Until we were done, and I was it.

And I looked down at my hands, and they almost seemed to grow into long-finger claw-like hands, and I remembered this symbology from when I was 19 and these entities were hanging out in my room, I was a total skeptic but talked to them since they were there and it seemed rather pointless to argue that obvious fact (!?), and my preacher tried to convince me it was 'spiritual warfare', until finally one of them in exasperation at my insisting they were some kind of evil gave me that imagery and freaked me out and I told them to leave and never come back (and my psi of that time in my life went with them, by the way, I hadn't realized that until this med; it came back like a cycle years later).

I looked at my hand and went ahead and further imagined it in that claw form and said to myself inside, as I was now him too, "I. Am. Not. Afraid.!"

It took me like 5 cycles of the TMI focus12 CD to do this and I finally had to turn it off entirely -- it was that hard to stay focused and get TO it.

And to think, when I began this 'fear of psi' as an archetype meditation idea, I thought it'd be a little thing I would just cover 'in case' it related to my seeming self-blocked from awareness.

OK. So I'm an alien ancient-brain reptilian in the insignificance of infinity.

It's just another day.

PJ

ArchMed: Fear of Psi #1

Since I still haven't gotten to #3 of the Knight of Wands meditation, I thought I would post a couple 2002-era impactive archmeds that I just found the record of yesterday. I wonder why sometimes the stuff I most expect to be nothing and shrug off, turn out to be the most mind bending.


From Jul 18 2002. Archmed: Fear of Psi #1

I decided to do an archetype meditation on 'fear of psi'.

While I've never felt this is much of an issue for me, some psychologists, such as Dr. Charles T. Tart, feel that fear of psi is a culturally common thing, much moreso than we realize, so I figured, it could not hurt to give it a try. (Didn't expect much.)

I was using a hemi-sync CD, focus 12 freeflow, which I put on repeat. I first spent some time just getting in a nicely altered state. I feel much more in touch with my 'emotional body' in F12 and I tend to feel emotions and such very _physically_, so it is really good for these meds.

I asked my guide for the archetype of My Fear of Psi. I rather figured this would be a fairly quick meditation, but who knows, maybe useful in some way.

The arch was humanoid. I turned to look at him and nearly hyperventilated as I put my hands on my chest. I couldn't see him well. He was covered with the symbol of fear, a "spiders in the gooey dark" kind of concept. The fear literally gripped me. My heart beat fast. I found myself distracted by other thoughts. Every time I brought myself back and tried to focus on the arch, I started breathing fast and hard again. I could feel the fear physically in my chest, a powerful force.

I was thinking to myself, my god! Dr. Tart probably didn't realize it was THIS big a deal, sheesh! And I was really surprised because I honestly didn't think this would be any big deal for me, and yet, this arch felt like one of the few very "core" archs have with me -- very powerful.

I realized I couldn't do it alone. I reacted too physically to it. So I called in my Sun -- he is my love, my energy, he works with me in a lot of archmeds, either merging with me or just being with me, or once in awhile I have certain archs hold hands with each other or something to share energies between two concepts. I also called in 'responsibility'. This is not the right word in english, use the 'true will/dharma' meaning of it, not the surface 'obligation' meaning. That arch is humanoid but not human, sort of the ultimate warrior, a strong man with golden eyes like a tiger and quills like a porcupine that normally lie flat on his skin. I had a profound, really physical, really oddly sexual meditation with him when I was at TMI (I was ignoring the tape and doing a med instead), that was so incredible, I felt as if he were physically inside my skin and any psychic looking at me might actually see HIM instead of me. He is very powerful and I wanted him to protect me. So with the two of them there with me, I finally had the courage to face the 'fear of psi' archetype.

First things first. I'm a clean freak when it comes to archetypes. Any sign of dirt, dust, bugs, etc. is a sign that I have a problem with the arch. (Dust usually indicates it's something I have buried for a long time in myself. Dirt that it is something I have denigrated in myself. Bugs/gross stuff usually indicates it is something I have real fear about. These are fairly repetitive symbols I've learned.) So first I had to clean him off. It was so thick and icky that I had to stand way back (hyperventilating a bit still), and imagine the 'water of life' in a sort of high pressure hose like the car wash, LOL. I cleaned him from head to toe in a about 6 detailed sprays. Then I surveyed him. He was still gross. I sensed that everything - his ear canals down to his neck, his digestive system all the way through, everything, had that horrible stuff. So I had to clean him out completely on the inside, too. (Sometimes such meds are quite physiological. You gotta be as objective as a doctor about it.)

The fear in my body lessened in my chest, and seemed to 'recede' from the chest, and then could be felt between the heart and solar plexus area.

(Note: when doing such things, imagine the arch is standing on a thick grate, and the gross stuff falls into it, is liquified, and is put in the 'waste disposal system' of that world. This is important because it seems from experience that these meditations often cleanse the physiological body of the meditator (as well as perhaps the energy body, if you wanna get metaphysical about it). Literally it can flush a lot of toxins. You don't want them just in your system or it'll be like doing a cleansing diet without taking appropriate herbs or liquids to wash it out, you'll have a good med and wake up with a body-aching flu. Use that symbology and your body will dump such things in the normal body waste disposal systems.)

When that was done I surveyed him once again. I was still too afraid to get super near him frankly, but felt a little better. I decided I still sensed a strong darkness throughout him, and he needed a chakra cleansing in a big way. (For those clueless, chakras are the hypothesized 'energy vortexes' throughout the body; there are a number of 'major' ones, the number and color and some placement depends on the tradition.) So I had Sun help me and we gradually cleaned him out energetically too. Really ICKY! he was. Yuck. Anyway, so finally he was pretty clean.

The 'fear' in my body had faded further, though it still existed, and had continued moving down to my solar plexus and a little below.

I had to get fairly close to him to do the crown chakra. I was able to, but still not comfortable. When it was over, I knew there was a lot more work to do, and told him that, but I'd done what I could for the time. We traded some symbols in the body. That was that. I will have to work a lot more with him as we are nowhere near the point of a good merge.

The intriguing thing to me was that "fear of psi," which I didn't think would be any big deal with me really, turned out to be such a "core" issue and so profoundly fearful. I am still kind of amazed about that. I mean, I've been 'into' the RV field for a long time, and wouldn't suspect that I personally have 'fear' about it. Yet, these meditations are usually extremely accurate about what is inside oneself, so I have to believe it must be so.

I am hoping that over time, my working with this archetype will resolve any issues in my RV that such deep, hidden issues might be affecting.

PJ