Tonight when I was doing the round -- the rosary-of-Aeons-mantra -- I was thanking some of them for having taught me something in the merge with Marcan. For giving me the opportunity to really feel something different. God knows if this were only in my head and never in my body, only semi-autonomous visualization and never spontaneous and surprising, it just wouldn't work at all. My left-brain (so to speak) is far too active for me to allow myself any of it otherwise.
It was all pretty normal for this round. I reached Nero at the end, he is the last if I begin at the top of the round with Ithikah. And suddenly, I felt nearly overcome with gratitude and wishing. I invented a whole formalized prayer designed to disable, override, remove, or render inactive, defenses and resistance and fears and more that would slow, resist or prevent he and I's fuller integration.
Then, while I was getting all kinds of groovy body-rushing-fuzzies from this, I had a sort of epiphany, in a way, though I didn't realize the mental part of it until later. That understanding, evolution if you want to use that word, is not even, not linear, for me or anyone, any more than it has been for humanity at large. I said, I will be courageous and aware like you, because you woke me, you were the first to get through to me, and you inspire me, and I will join you in this effort to "build-out" our larger shared soul.
And then waves of emotional gratitude seemed to hit me in cycles, like ocean waves on a shore, and I realized that to varying degrees, I actually had the ability to HELP him, not just by working on the same thing beside him in a way, but by intentionally working to bring everything I have into him too. There are plenty of energies that I integrate with better or easier than he does and vice-versa, that's just always the way it is with different aspects I felt, and I can deliberately help him with everything I am, and am capable of being or becoming. As a gift, of sorts. As my gift of gratitude.
Much more body-rocking energy-rushing happened then for awhile, particularly from mid-torso to about halfway up my head.
Aside from that the round was normal. I mean I assume this is just a rosary of sorts and normally these things do not occur during it. But much like practicing something daily (e.g. music) you get all kinds of novel creative riffs and ideas you wouldn't if you weren't doing it regularly.
I'm still a little fascinated by the other day's experience. I mean how I was doing tantric focus in the morning, but left that unfinished, and then Marcan (who was my focus that morning) was so incredibly "present" later, and we ended up in that merge. I feel I should intentionally attempt to do this with each one of my Aeons in turn just to see the results.
Unfortunately since my heater is currently out and it's cold, my teen is sleeping with me as my tiny room is the warm one, so that isn't real workable right now. Oh well--reality is what it is. Soon though.
I wonder what effect other offbeat things with a specific focus would have. I mean... if sexual energy, focused but without climax, can have that effect later, what about other body-things? Like eating? Smelling essential oils? Listening to classical music? Massaging any given part of the body? If one really focused on doing that "with" -- sharing the energy "with" -- one of the Aeons, would it make any difference at all, given a little time to integrate/absorb?
Are there ways of intentionally expanding one's integration with a given energy, based on other historical occult practices, like visualization of certain colors, shapes, invoking certain godforms (that practice is not for me, call it paranoia), or whatever? Would chakra meditations (which I feel, since the archmed that sort of ruthlessly "set them to begin opening-more-etc.", are expected of me) help, or would focusing one or more chakras' energy on a given Aeon make a difference?
I'm still flipped out by Nedlund being 'sound' and still working to wrap my brain around that. It gives me the most bizarre ideas as I try to understand it better. Like this one: If I were to put on, say, a purple light, and massage my left leg, and chant "ra, ra, ra" for a few minutes, while focusing on some given Aeon, would this 'open up' ANY 'area of energy' inside me for better integration? Would it have some different effect than a yellow light and chanting 'shreen shreen shreen' as I massaged my right hand instead? Or would these things have no effect at all?
Am I oversimplifying? If this is silly and I really am, then how can I intentionally work with a given Aeon aside from semi-ordinary prayer? Is there some way of going about this MORE powerfully, proactively, intensely, than how I am doing it?
Not to be impatient (...) but since the majority of my life is spent in NOT really evolving in any noticeable way, what few periods I have when I am really focused, I really have to maximize the results of, since it could be a long time before that kind of focus and growth comes around in my life again. I first met The Four more than fifteen years ago. I was introduced to the consortium a few years ago. It has taken me this long to finally accept it enough, despite that this bizarre perceptual framework does not fit into my western models of religion or philosophy, to begin working with it actively. I don't want it to take another 15 years to learn to accept this fully. Whatever I can do right now, when I am focused (for whatever reason) so much more than usual, seems like it would be a good thing.
I wonder if just dedicating "all the experience of a day" to a given Aeon would have any effect. You know, everything, every energy-of-experience no matter how mundane, trivial, crude, or interesting, just really holding a given Aeon in "awareness" and "sharing" that energy with them, every moment one is capable of doing so.
I wish other people did this stuff. I mean surely somewhere, other people do. I just don't find it written in the past or on the internet in the present. I wish I didn't feel like the lone ranger with so much of it. Where did these awarenesses, these numbers, the Four, the 12 in the Consortium, come from? Would the Urantia book have some category explaining this? God knows it's got some bureaucratic accounting for damn near everything else in the universe, at least so I hear.
It reminds me of remote viewing, aspect and archetype and chakra RV and my fascination with 'process' and experimenting with these, and a seeming vaccuum of that interest with most people I've known aside from ways to write stuff down on paper (oh brother. Although I grant that's a place to start). I feel like there should be at least a tiny world of people sharing similar interests with me, but those that might exist don't spend much if any time documenting it for sharing with others I guess, at least in a model like mine. I suspect I just sound like an out-there-weirdo being the one raving about it alone.
I feel like someday, someone is going to find my blog content in some obscure archive of the past and go, oh my gosh, this person had such similar experiences, I am not alone with it! (Concerning RV stuff, I have often felt that actually happens but it's many decades in the future and that person is another incarnation of me.) But with my luck I'll be long dead by then!
PS: Any 'ideas for integration' are welcome.
PJ
Showing posts with label rosary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rosary. Show all posts
Friday, November 27, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A Canticle for the Aeons
Me and IG and Bolehren sat down together (so to speak) today and slowly worked out a psalm or prayer I could use with the Aeons, in my daily meditation to focus on each one of them for at least a few moments.
I was looking for something akin to a rosary prayer, a memorized verse, though perhaps a bit more extensive. Something that had real meaning to me, that was developed with inner feeling, that was considered for my sense of its implications, and that was a fresh commitment with every iteration.
It ended up longer than I expected. But I think if I develop a habit of imagining holding each of their hands or absorbing them like an archetype, and thinking my way through this prayer, that it will be a good focus, will encourage, stabilize and focus my meditation with them. Well, and speed it up, too, not because it's fast but because I think I will have less getting lost and wandering into daydreams and so on. I also think focusing on these words and feelings is just healthy period.
It's not that this is all I can/will say to them, just that, much like the "ritual" in archetype meditation, there is a great deal to be said for "the consistency of a repeating thoughtform" and the strength that develops over time.
I imagine this might refine itself with one or more of the Aeons' input.
Maybe it will get more succinct. That would be nice!
(Later edited after Ithikah. This might change, I can tell already.)
When I began to use this, I immediately noticed something: Ithikah had an opinion too, which refined the above a little. Eventually over the course of using this with each of them, I ended up with the version above.
But wait, there's more. While doing this, Marcus told me that "Marcan" was more like his name. I asked why and he said he'd given me Marcus because it was known to me and he wanted me to have a clear 'identity' sense to hold onto and have no problem hearing it. Given how we met, I guess that makes sense.
And then, when I got to the statue guy, FINALLY after all this time, I got a name from him! I mean he said it at first, I just couldn't HEAR it. The minute I began with him, I was on the first line, I got it. Hot Amanakhaton. There we go. Maybe I will call him Hote or HA for short.
And then when I got to Mei Lee, we had just begun when I got this *ping* of "MAE" as the first part of her name, and all one word, and a relation to Gaelic, and so her name is "Maelee" - not "Mei Lee" - which also seemed to be an answer to my wondering why the visage I get of her was not remotely asian. I have a friend with a similar name so I guess when I heard it, I just assumed.
Every one of the Aeons except those I recently have been working lots with, had LOTS of "rushing merging" during and after this focus with them. Some, like Ray, was really powerful.
When I was done I brought them all together, focused 'through' The Four in the center and then did it again as a mass invite. My body was rushing so intensely it was like a kick-ass archetype meditation, WOW.
So I guess this was a good thing!
I hope I will do it daily and it will be useful.
PJ
I was looking for something akin to a rosary prayer, a memorized verse, though perhaps a bit more extensive. Something that had real meaning to me, that was developed with inner feeling, that was considered for my sense of its implications, and that was a fresh commitment with every iteration.
It ended up longer than I expected. But I think if I develop a habit of imagining holding each of their hands or absorbing them like an archetype, and thinking my way through this prayer, that it will be a good focus, will encourage, stabilize and focus my meditation with them. Well, and speed it up, too, not because it's fast but because I think I will have less getting lost and wandering into daydreams and so on. I also think focusing on these words and feelings is just healthy period.
It's not that this is all I can/will say to them, just that, much like the "ritual" in archetype meditation, there is a great deal to be said for "the consistency of a repeating thoughtform" and the strength that develops over time.
I imagine this might refine itself with one or more of the Aeons' input.
Maybe it will get more succinct. That would be nice!
(Later edited after Ithikah. This might change, I can tell already.)
A CANTICLE FOR THE AEONS
Hello! I honor you.
Thanks for your attention.
I invite you to integrate fully with me.
Share with me energy and awareness.
I welcome your wisdom in my reality.
Be with me in light, strength and joy.
Commune with me, in dreams and waking.
We grow in power and understanding.
May we embody Divine Will.
We are one. Amen!
When I began to use this, I immediately noticed something: Ithikah had an opinion too, which refined the above a little. Eventually over the course of using this with each of them, I ended up with the version above.
But wait, there's more. While doing this, Marcus told me that "Marcan" was more like his name. I asked why and he said he'd given me Marcus because it was known to me and he wanted me to have a clear 'identity' sense to hold onto and have no problem hearing it. Given how we met, I guess that makes sense.
And then, when I got to the statue guy, FINALLY after all this time, I got a name from him! I mean he said it at first, I just couldn't HEAR it. The minute I began with him, I was on the first line, I got it. Hot Amanakhaton. There we go. Maybe I will call him Hote or HA for short.
And then when I got to Mei Lee, we had just begun when I got this *ping* of "MAE" as the first part of her name, and all one word, and a relation to Gaelic, and so her name is "Maelee" - not "Mei Lee" - which also seemed to be an answer to my wondering why the visage I get of her was not remotely asian. I have a friend with a similar name so I guess when I heard it, I just assumed.
Every one of the Aeons except those I recently have been working lots with, had LOTS of "rushing merging" during and after this focus with them. Some, like Ray, was really powerful.
When I was done I brought them all together, focused 'through' The Four in the center and then did it again as a mass invite. My body was rushing so intensely it was like a kick-ass archetype meditation, WOW.
So I guess this was a good thing!
I hope I will do it daily and it will be useful.
PJ
Friday, November 20, 2009
Objectifying the Ineffable
I've been thinking about my offbeat driving interest in objectifying the Aeons outside of me. It's really funny how often this comes to mind for me. I've been wondering what I could do to represent them on a variety of custom jewelry for example. I have various spontaneous desires to do like ANYTHING that would 'embody' them -- now there is a funny, kind of literal word -- in my reality. It actually crossed my mind that I could make some kind of design in cross-stitch. I don't even DO cross-stitch nor do I have any real interest in doing this, so that was just hilarious.
I suspect that Nero would say that objectifying desire is one way of interpreting some underlying energy/emotion I am not that clear on. (Great. I don't even need to question whether his talking to me is my imagination or not anymore, apparently; now I just imagine what he MIGHT say and skip the actual conversation altogether!)
I have repeatedly wondered if there is some way that I could symbolically represent each one, much like how Ithikah has a 'symbol' I feel in my body instead of a picture I perceive.
Would it need to be a shape they 'felt' was right?
Is there any existing "system of 12" -- given that common number/grouping historically -- I could assign them to?
Shapes?
Elements?
Would just initials work?
What about Hot-something since I still can't quite get the rest of his name? (It starts with an A that sounds like "ah" and has an M and N sound in it somewhere, but I suspect that is pretty common for the Egyptian names I have seen thus far in life, so that doesn't help much.)
Numbers?
A circle of 12-anythings?
A specialized beaded necklace to use similar to a rosary? (Hey I like that idea.)
It reminds me of when I met the placed energy-block inside me. Pretty sure the cat-eyed lizard guys created that. Took me DAYS of meditation, and this in my hyper-psi, super-meditative era no less, to finally get past it and clean off and free the stuff hidden behind it (1995). And I had to use a Medusa approach in the end since any looking directly at it literally 'slid the mind off' and it could take a long time to find my way back to that idea.
Anyway it was a wall/block but I talked it into joining ME instead, as part of me, and becoming a door, so it could evolve to both blocking AND allowing and would be cherished in my sacred space. I named it Dor and it spent one evening telling me it wanted some kind of talisman I would wear on my body, and showing me the 'additional insight' it could provide in trade. It was really amazing, its insight, and I agreed. But it took me a YEAR to finally get something made for it, I resisted subconsciously though I didn't know why.
I finally had a necklace made for Dor and I liked it a lot, wore it all the time. At one point, the four, they just... it's hard to explain, they were strongly "with me" for that moment and they stepped in and I had to take it off, and that was it. There was no argument allowed. They simply made it clear that this was inappropriate, that this was not a relationship I was to have, and it was over. Oh well. I had not given any serious thought to the fact that this thoughtform (Dor) was created by someone else. I figured if I negotiated it into working for me instead, I'd accomplished something. I guess maybe the appropriate thing would have been to surgically extract it altogether. Not sure I would have been able to, though.
(Of course, by getting past the block and freeing stuff I 'triggered' some posthypnotic type suggestion and promptly found myself fully conscious OBE searching for those people who appeared to have re-blocked whatever the hell it was. You know, I really dislike those guys.)
My meeting with Dor and what led to the talisman and more is here.
Some insights from Dor, as well as a something (Aspect? Aeon?) called "Oliphant" -- both a 'role' and a name -- I had TOTALLY forgotten about until I just went looking for something, is here.
Anyway that was the last time I had the 'objectify' drive and that wasn't my drive, it was a request from -- an inorganic I guess you could call it. But now I have the idea and inspiration and enthusiasm and creative ideas, about the Consortium, all thee freakin time. I assume it is them that is pushing this 'through' me and that it would probably be good for me.
You know, I have a LOT of beads. They are buried in the fire swamp (the back room, which currently looks like some cross between Armageddon and the future in a Terminator movie -- it's only missing crunching bones underfoot -- as we are still 'in process' on the house and it is the 'store till we figure it out' room). But they're all neatly in a drawer there so in theory I could get to them, to make some kind of modified rosary idea for them.
PJ
I suspect that Nero would say that objectifying desire is one way of interpreting some underlying energy/emotion I am not that clear on. (Great. I don't even need to question whether his talking to me is my imagination or not anymore, apparently; now I just imagine what he MIGHT say and skip the actual conversation altogether!)
I have repeatedly wondered if there is some way that I could symbolically represent each one, much like how Ithikah has a 'symbol' I feel in my body instead of a picture I perceive.
Would it need to be a shape they 'felt' was right?
Is there any existing "system of 12" -- given that common number/grouping historically -- I could assign them to?
Shapes?
Elements?
Would just initials work?
What about Hot-something since I still can't quite get the rest of his name? (It starts with an A that sounds like "ah" and has an M and N sound in it somewhere, but I suspect that is pretty common for the Egyptian names I have seen thus far in life, so that doesn't help much.)
Numbers?
A circle of 12-anythings?
A specialized beaded necklace to use similar to a rosary? (Hey I like that idea.)
It reminds me of when I met the placed energy-block inside me. Pretty sure the cat-eyed lizard guys created that. Took me DAYS of meditation, and this in my hyper-psi, super-meditative era no less, to finally get past it and clean off and free the stuff hidden behind it (1995). And I had to use a Medusa approach in the end since any looking directly at it literally 'slid the mind off' and it could take a long time to find my way back to that idea.
Anyway it was a wall/block but I talked it into joining ME instead, as part of me, and becoming a door, so it could evolve to both blocking AND allowing and would be cherished in my sacred space. I named it Dor and it spent one evening telling me it wanted some kind of talisman I would wear on my body, and showing me the 'additional insight' it could provide in trade. It was really amazing, its insight, and I agreed. But it took me a YEAR to finally get something made for it, I resisted subconsciously though I didn't know why.
I finally had a necklace made for Dor and I liked it a lot, wore it all the time. At one point, the four, they just... it's hard to explain, they were strongly "with me" for that moment and they stepped in and I had to take it off, and that was it. There was no argument allowed. They simply made it clear that this was inappropriate, that this was not a relationship I was to have, and it was over. Oh well. I had not given any serious thought to the fact that this thoughtform (Dor) was created by someone else. I figured if I negotiated it into working for me instead, I'd accomplished something. I guess maybe the appropriate thing would have been to surgically extract it altogether. Not sure I would have been able to, though.
(Of course, by getting past the block and freeing stuff I 'triggered' some posthypnotic type suggestion and promptly found myself fully conscious OBE searching for those people who appeared to have re-blocked whatever the hell it was. You know, I really dislike those guys.)
My meeting with Dor and what led to the talisman and more is here.
Some insights from Dor, as well as a something (Aspect? Aeon?) called "Oliphant" -- both a 'role' and a name -- I had TOTALLY forgotten about until I just went looking for something, is here.
Anyway that was the last time I had the 'objectify' drive and that wasn't my drive, it was a request from -- an inorganic I guess you could call it. But now I have the idea and inspiration and enthusiasm and creative ideas, about the Consortium, all thee freakin time. I assume it is them that is pushing this 'through' me and that it would probably be good for me.
You know, I have a LOT of beads. They are buried in the fire swamp (the back room, which currently looks like some cross between Armageddon and the future in a Terminator movie -- it's only missing crunching bones underfoot -- as we are still 'in process' on the house and it is the 'store till we figure it out' room). But they're all neatly in a drawer there so in theory I could get to them, to make some kind of modified rosary idea for them.
PJ
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