Rambling 04Dec09

I have a variety of e-post-it notes that I'd wanted to collect here, so it's archived, together, and later I can find it. Many different topics here.

***

My memory is so bizarrely "iffy" when it comes to this entire topic that if I didn't blog everything (to the point of boring even myself) it would be gone forever. Not only does re-reading my blog remind me of things that I had forgotten and their details, but often it reminds me for the fourth time. Is that weird or what. It just falls out of my brain.

It's like that movie '50 First Dates' where the woman has brain damage and every day is the same day from years ago and she has zero memory of anything since. So she wakes up each morning to a video that explains her situation, shows her her kids, and so on! I'm not quite THAT bad, but when it comes to remembering my "shamanic" life, so to speak, at any given time I have pieces, not the whole.

On the other hand, I notice in talking with other people that even if they record their dreams or meditations they tend to forget them and in re-reading them, finding their dream log later, some are refreshers they'd forgotten and some they don't remember at all. Maybe this is normal.

...or not. I'll say more about this later but I think I'm going to do a series of archmeds based on my concern about this.

***

I wonder: what else can IG do, besides archetypes and Aeons? Could this identity/role serve other purposes in my exploration of self/reality?

I don't even know what to ask for, but it feels as if that must be true. Given she and I do not tend to have easy verbal conversation, how can I find out?

I had the impression while typing that I should ask the Private Oracle. I need to get in a very altered state for a bunch of work SOON, like this weekend.

***

You know, in viewing, just like in sports or music performance, it's often very useful to do a lot of "set up". I came up years ago with what I called "emotional sequencing." Basically I map out a list of emotions that I think, when experienced, in a given sequence, prior to the session, actually "amplified" the seeming results. The "power" we have in the "now" is often correlated to emotions when it comes to energy work. So intentionally 'designing' those emotions, seems like a smart thing.

I wonder if this is something that should or could be done, not just for archetype work, but for specific entity conversational work, like talking to the Private Oracle. He did say recently that a big part of getting an answer was truly wanting one. So maybe before attempting that kind of communication, one should do a brief emotional-sequencing effort, to kind of set up an energy base to 'feed' that 'want' first.

***

Long time ago I had this dream that this man came to me, said that my driving-'want' related to remote viewing had called to him, and that he had a feel for me now, and he was going to be my mentor. He told me that he'd been in 'secret projects' of the government for this but that he was one of several that nobody will ever know of in the public.

He was a really big guy, dark hair. I think his name was Ben.

He started by insisting on some things for me to do in my outer reality that had to do with health, the first being exercise. I was hugely resistant to that being part of it. I refused. Maybe that's why I didn't see him again.

I wonder if it was "just a dream" or there was something more to it.

***

That reminds me of the 'soldier in the graveyard' that I encountered in '95, who had been doing something 'unusual and mental' before he died and wanted to talk with me. I had repeated OBE's where I tried to get to him as he was calling me. (He somehow was locked to near his gravesite so I had to go there.)

And every time, just before I reached him, something in my reality -- cats, people near me, people not near me but in cars not far away -- freaked out to some extreme that dragged me out of the OBE state. This happened several times and was so extreme that to this day it brings questions.

Like, just HOW much do we create reality -- did I really cause all those freak-outs in those around me?? Or, is it possible for someone 'else' to be aware of your experience and 'force' that (aliens? inner entities?) to prevent your going there? At the time that was happening I was having so much apparent-interference from other-entities, it's a serious question.

I never reached him. He and I gave up. A short time later I was introduced to soldiers who'd been part of a secret program doing 'remote viewing'. It was someone else who, reading my Bewilderness account one day, say the notes on that and said, "A soldier doing some unusual and mental? And shortly later you ran into this topic in such a big way and became part of it in such a strong way? Don't you think this might be related?"

Which is a good point but I'm a little confused about the part where he died, as although I did not get that info directly, my impression was that whatever he was doing was at least partly responsible for his death. Not sure how what I know as RV could relate to that.

***

One of the big things in remote viewing is the attempt to find a binary potential set with a high level of differentiation in data and its evaluation. In english that means, pick two different 'potential' targets and get data, in a double-blind, that makes which one 'the target' is obvious. If you could do this, you could bet on sports games for example, and not choose 'which' was the target until one wins. And some people do, and have some success, but not much or not for long. This is a complex subject and not as easy as it sounds.

Now you might think anything psi-accurate would fill this need but it doesn't. It might be something about the whole nature of the 'two' potential targets being part of 'one' effort, that blends them at some psychic level. It might be language, since there are limited forms and dynamics in our reality (only the scale, scope and detail vary) and any general description that accurately fits one thing will have at least some areas where it accurately describes any number of other things too. It could be bad luck, or creation-of-reality problems, such as viewer or tasker not 'wanting' to be right at some subconscious level (e.g. they feel guilty using psi for gambling, or the thing at stake is a lot of money and they're not ready to manifest that, or...).

But the descriptive and even fragmentary sketch data often has clear elements of both 'potential targets' which makes this hell. "Associative Remote Viewing or ARV is evil" is a common saying.

One approach is to do tons and tons and tons of sessions and ONLY make a decision and act on it (e.g. place a bet) when the result seems wholly unambiguous, or is validated by a separate different effort, etc. Nobody has this much time in their life is one of the problems with that approach.

Another approach is to be slightly frontloaded and use more of psychic and viewing model and hope that the frontloading won't bother that individual much, and that interpreting things symbolically will work for you.

Another approach uses a fabulous science judging technique called 'Fuzzy Set Analysis' or FSA, which has used many people doing a survey of many categories of info and 'rating' each possible-target to get an average in the computer. Then a few people rate the data session based on the same criteria. Then a computer compares the session results to the possible-targets in place for that trial and chooses which one it best matches. So far when it's been tested, humans must 'evaluate' RV data, but computers are best for actually matching in that model.

I was wondering one day (this was jotted down on my desktop e-post-it), "What if we associated lottery numbers with a truth?" Something deeper than the trivia of daily life.

Previously I've written about 'truth' that when I'm really feeling it, it feels like most of reality is not truth but not a lie; it's more like "flotsam" on the surface of the planet, while truth feels like some core energy pulled up from within it and 'through' whatever surface thing, words, events, person, is in question.

What if there was a way to tie genuine 'truth' and its power to some of the flotsam -- or to find something different to use as a target that was more tied to truth. Would it have more power, a different level of being-ness, would it make this more possible?

***

That reminds me I once had this idea in the middle of the night for ARV. I wrote a couple associates about it, like 20K all in one paragraph. I was completely manic in the email, but that was mostly because I was very sleep deprived, staying up all night programming in that era (which since I worked the next day was a problem!) living on mega-caffeine.

My thought was that most viewers would rather do viewing for something 'that matters' and they would psychologically probably do better with success resulting in someone they felt protective of being helped, than just 'winning some money'. So my idea was to set up a whole ARV group based on this. Any money 'won' in a gambling-based system would be pre-planned to be split up. Some of the money went back toward the pot for the betting, and some of the money went to charity for a very specific kind.

For example you can donate chickens, shoes, all kinds of things, all over the world, through a variety of organizations. You would be amazed at how much difference donating the money for one goat can make to a whole village of people. I have some friends that often do this instead of buying 'junk people don't care much about' for people for christmas and I think that's wonderful. You can donate a month of food for an old tiger in a charity place, all kinds of things. And these can be specific sometimes, like a big-cat sanctuary will have the specific animals they're keeping and you can say, "Cat-X to get Donation-X." Well my idea was to collect a ton of these sorts of donations and stories, each one would have a page made up which featured the donation in as much heart-wrenching detail and photo as possible.

And before the viewer got their task number for the ARV, they would get this screen. It would say, "If you SUCCEED in accurately describing the target in such a way that the evaluator chooses the correct outcome with confidence, then Cat-X will get Donation-X thanks to you!" And when the feedback came in (later) for their viewing, they would have to click to see the feedback, and if the trial was successful, it would show them that screen again.

My point was that maybe selling the viewer's psychology on something GOOD with it as their primary reason for doing it, might have a different outcome, where luck, chance, english, etc. would not seem to conspire against success or continued-success as it usually does for this subject. I thought that maybe the whole tasker/viewer psychology would not care so much about $X going toward the project (which would not even be noted, that is deliberately 'ignored') if $Y were doing some genuine good in the world.

I still think this is a great idea (I am creative when sleep deprived to the point of lunacy) but I have not made the effort to do this substantial project. In part because I have too many of those unfinished already. And in part because getting decent participants in such things is easier said than done. Most the serious viewers are seriously viewing already and busy.

***

I found an old old note that said Maelee's name was Laelee. And that she had made me spontaneously think of a part of me I call a 'possible alter' many times, and she had told me that I could do an archmed on that if I wanted. She had also told me that she took the form she did (I was confused because it was a white girl and the name sounded asian) because "much of her energy is not apropo for anything else in my visual models, so she figured she'd just choose something I could visualize well" and that picture (the painting I never could find again) had apparently had a positive impression on me not long before.

So... I screwed up her name, she corrected it, then I forgot, and then she managed to get through to me enough to get me to correct the spelling sort-of, based on the context of the old-name? I feel like an idiot. I will change the name yet AGAIN in my blog and visual picture I guess... and I guess really I could choose ANY picture given her reasoning and if I felt good about it she would probably be ok with that.

To me this sounds, externally, kinda retarded, like it shouldn't even matter. But for some reason I feel inside me that it really does matter, that my physical-world anchors, and models in sight and sound, for the consortium have some very profound effect beyond what I understand.

***

Have you ever noticed that when you focus on what needs dealing with in your life, all kinds of stuff comes to the fore? It's like when you are cleaning something that involves drawers or closet or something, and "it always gets worse before it gets better". That's a bit of how I feel at times with archetype work.

***

A comment on a recent post here said:

Lately I've noticed that when I really decide that I'm going to work on something via meditation or intent or whatever, I might think the goal is small but it's actually part of a big, big issue that takes a long time to work out. For instance, I might want to work on "making a new friend" but it ends up being "Ok, and 2 years later when you've finally worked through your abandonment issues, learned how to start viewing strangers in a more positive light, etc. ok HERE is your new friend!" So maybe your "victim" work will improve in stages. Let's make "heater" #1 :)

This is such a good point. It always seems like there are so many different energies that actually creatively combine to result in any given situation in your life.

So you can do an archetype meditation about that situation but the results sometimes depend, and maybe that is because there's more than one energy involved. Maybe if there were 10 major energies involved you'd get 1/10th the the result from a general archmed because the energy you can pour in at any one time has to be distributed.

Maybe this is why doing numerous archmeds on "variations on a theme" about a given problem, as I exampled in the early part of my last post, is so effective, because it gives IG a chance to gear the meds to directly address multiple energies. Hmmn.

***

That reminds me of something I was talking with a friend about once. I was saying that it seemed like with archetypes, there could be this given energy that you had an issue with, but it wasn't just present in "some part of your life" -- it would be present in EVERY part of your life but that it would "look different" depending on that part of life.

As if the energy is one thing (eg your planet Jupiter) but it is feeding through many things (eg each zodiac sign or each house) -- to use an example more geared to the astro folks. Or like Feng Shui, and water in a wood zone has a different effect than water in a fire zone. So an issue with authority might act out in 12 different ways (or even more) in your daily life and we might not realize all those things are associated.

Maybe it's why you got a speeding ticket; and it's why your father was a jerk at the family gathering; and it's why your payment to the credit card company was a day late resulting like $95 worth of creatively named fees for the same thing; and it's why your wife is intolerant about something you want to do or don't want to do; and it's why the backyard dogs are really a hassle in some certain way; and it's why that project at work is getting such kickback from that VP; and it's why the city is being obnoxious about replacing your falling apart trashcan; and it's why the clerk at the drugstore had such an attitude; and -- well you see what I mean.

ONE given energy relationship issue could be (and probably is) acting out "all over the place" in your reality. If you could see the energies that are having the most effect like that, you could focus on those, and maybe radically improve your whole life with less 'rambling and wandering' effort, a more targeted approach toward what-matters-most for quality of life.

Maybe focusing only on one or more of those points, would bring in other energy with each meditation, and would not allot so much toward the key energy they all have in common.

So maybe it would be a useful exercise to make a list of every single thing in one's life that is obnoxious, even small stuff, even one-time fairly recent (last several months) events, even subtle situations (no-big-deal but noticeable), etc. And then see if going through and considering what underlying issue/energy is at play in each one and writing that down.

For example it is possible that issues with "authority" or "victimization" or "fear of the future" or "regret for the past", might actually describe a lot of the individual items. If there was a lot of repetition there, especially if some of the items were huge issues, then it seems like that energy would be a good place to focus with IG.

I guess we could put this in the category of useful 'exercises' to help support this kind of shamanic effort.

***

So I was thinking about something I blogged on recently. How I'd been doing this med and my 'ability to focus', like some element of my brain function, literally "cycled out" and I had to hold tight to nothing but the idea of what I was doing, and 'stay still' mentally, until the capacity cycled back in again. And this happened repeatedly. I talked about how this was a little similar to the situation when Dreamlings are coming through, basically it's my mind going radically off for a limited time and I have to find a way to anchor myself 'through' it so that when it's over I can remember what I was doing and continue with it. And how it seems like this might also be happening on a larger scale, when in normal life I find myself "unfocusing" even visually often.

Well I was thinking about something else in conjunction with this too, which I've also talked about in the past, that having to do with two different things:

1 - The experience of being WIDE awake, alert, and abruptly passing out, and I mean so suddenly it's worrisome. Not just tuning out which can happen in a meditation (new exposure to brainwave states below what you're using to holding conscious states in conjunction with can often knock you out). Not just falling asleep, or mind wandering.

2 - Abreactions, body-spasms that clearly feel as if they are "rejecting" energy attempting to travel through the body, 'shunting it off the line' so that it does not reach the brain.

I think for me this is serious, and that it is nervous-system based.

I think that maybe it's like your brain/body simply WILL NOT deal with a certain energy, whether by programming or... what, who knows. And so when this energy comes up in a meditation, one of two things happen: either the body "shunts it off" so it won't reach the brain, or if the body fails to do that, like some kind of failsafe, the brain "toggles off" like a breaker switch the moment that energy hits it. I've had both things occur.

And I've had the experience of encountering the same thing again later, and realizing, "Hey! That's what I was working on when I [abruptly passed out / spasmed so hard I forgot who I was and what I was doing] the other night!" -- and then had one or the other of them happen AGAIN, and although I forgot the thing at issue, I did remember the realization.

This bothers me. A lot. It makes me feel not quite in control of my own mind. As if there is some "really serious shit" going on beneath the surface that I am oblivious to, that I am allowing to continue, that I am not focusing on, digging out, and saying, 'This is unacceptable and I will deal with it directly'.

I want to come up with a short series of archetype meditations geared toward addressing this issue. I consider it critical to any "awareness" effort. Kinda like the saying about how if you had 6 hours to chop down a tree, spend the first 5 sharpening your ax. If I cannot stay alert during problem issues, if I cannot accept or allow energy to reach my brain for problem issues, if I cannot 'hold on to ability to focus' at times, then how can I really do well at this work? Those seem like pretty critical elements to me.

Well that's my rambling for tonight.

PJ

Observing Your Focus, and Truth

I have taken up 'observing my focus' for the last several days. I've done this before, and I am noticing the same things now that I have in those times.

* My god. Do I spend THAT much time daydreaming, even while doing other things?

* Must daydreams always involve some element of power, control, violence, ego or other negative? (Even the positives are couched in negative situations.)

* Why does my biochemistry crave the daydream elements like a drug?

* Is there no end to the amount of totally retarded crap that runs through my head that has no purpose whatsoever, like some mental flotsam from immediate experience?

* Why does spontaneous experience (e.g. while driving down the road) invariably present some negative situational daydream?

* Why is it so difficult to maintain 'awareness' so these thought processes can be observed and altered more often and sooner?

So when I realize I have a thought process which is, shall we say, "unproductive", I imagine the energy of it splitting, so any 'manifestation-level' energy pulls off then is super-granulated and cleansed, then it is free to be used elsewhere. Then I imagine that I (via Will) cleanse and upgrade and brighten the energy composing all the rest of it. And then it's ok to re-absorb it, via my solar plexus.

The problem with 'awareness' is that if I 'get aware' spontaneously about 20 times, I usually have to do the whole release, cleanse, upgrade process 19-20 times. In other words, my head when I am not consciously focused on something, is nearly always filled with 'unproductive' activity. It's ridiculous.

How much different might my life be if more of my focus was on the positive?

I happen to have a quote from an old journal about this, since it is included in Bewilderness:

[Dec 1993] Well since I read that Seth book I've been thinking about the stuff he said. I'm watching my thoughts, and every time I come upon some subject or thought that is limited, or limiting, that defines a 'reality' for no apparent reason, that is based on the past or nothing else, I tell myself that it will disintegrate. It seemed appropriate, psychologically.

Problem is, I'm having to do this 400 times a day!! It seems like every single thought I have falls into this category. I can't believe how much my thoughts limit, and enclose, my life, my sense of reality... I can hardly believe it, but it seems everything my mind is based upon is some arbitrary judgement... I'm thinking, geez, where did all these judgements come from? I realize that I am making a decision about how things "have" to be, based upon no supporting data whatsoever. It's amazing!

All this time I thought I had everything figured out pretty well in life, I was intelligent, I was innovative. Now I see that even my wildest thoughts and most creative modalities were just well-kept paths through pre-existing gardens... designed by someone, who knows who, but it wasn't me.

Yeah, that.

The more I got my awareness under control the more I became 'responsible' for 'what my head was doing'. I got more and more focused on 'truth' as some actual THING that I could feel "in the middle of me", through me, as if it were part of the Superstring-of-Me that seems to go from center of Earth to center of Galaxy and pass right through the absolute laser-center of my crown to kundalini in the middle.

The primary side-effect of all this, as I recall, was what I called "instant karma." It felt like as I got closer and closer to truth, I began to understand how far from it we normally live. Most is just 'flotsam' -- it isn't truth, it isn't a lie, it's just trivial surface stuff, daily life. But as that gets minimized, and what is inside gets streamlined, it begins to feel like that constant 'unaware-thinking' that our mind does must have been 'venting energy' or using it in some way, because the less of that is going on, the more fundamental power the thoughts on purpose seem to have for manifestation.

I wrote about 'truth' and a profound dream/insight related to this previously.

I could feel that energy when I read things. I called it 'the red thread of truth'. I could just feel "through" words. I was barely able to test this in any objective way--but a little, that supported it. I could 'feel' where someone wrote a sentence but then changed it around. Very subtle, but I could feel in my gut the 'mixing'. When they added a word or sentence in later. When something that mattered was removed. Or when someone else (like an editor) added something in -- a break in the connection, a coldness of that element -- and if something shifted the intent or carried some intent other than the same one the writer had, that felt SO obvious.

So I would think of something positively, I would like XYZ to happen, and it would happen. I don't mean, eventually it occurred in my life. I mean, "convenient coincidence" is how it began, which increased to "massively improbable synchronicity" and we're talking astronomically improbable, which increased to "radical changes in space-time-reality around me." Whole 'breaks and shifts' in the reality around me to 'open up' a probability I wanted.

The closer I was to 'truth', to having 'my head clean and focused', the more I could see the effects of my thoughts on my reality. Now I admit I still am not 100% clear on why it was like it was. I mean, sarcasm, droll and exaggeration for example are my favorite types of humor yet they were pointedly off the path of truth. I could feel myself diverging from the feeling, from "being in the center", when I used them even briefly and in a positive framework.

There are other side-effects. For example the more you 'feel' truth the more you realize that if you limit what you say to what carries that energy, you end up saying very little at all. I talk a lot. So this was odd for me.

Another thing: it's like you become hyper-aware of people's "intent". You start to 'feel' how what they are saying or implying diverges from truth. Which leads to the unhappy conclusion that most our planet has little familiarity with the genuine feel of truth. They aren't just lying; they're lost. They've lost the feel, through repeated bad habit/avoidance of truth, until now they are lost in the flotsam and literally have become part of the noise of this reality, not the signal, so to speak.

I could "feel" that "bad luck" -- bad timing, unfortunate coincidence, when you miss something or someone you wanted to catch, when something offbeat happens, etc. -- I could FEEL it coming as it did, when I brought it on by a shift in thinking. I understood that my shift in thinking (such as allowing a daydream of a certain kind, or letting go of the constant, insistant "positive feeling foundation" I was attempting to hold all the time) had brought this reality experience to me. But sometimes it was really hard to get the furled-up symbol or 'meta' data for what energy brought it on. I might know that thought or action X directly led, within minutes or seconds, to reality event/circumstance Y. I just might not really understand the "why" of it. Except that all 'power' models of psychology seem to really represent 'fear/lack/vulnerable' models inside and so you act out the first mentally and the second promptly shows up in reality, almost like a counterweight, like the 'hidden' part of the iceberg; the true energy your daydream was made of. But if I hadn't been super-close to truth, if the effect hadn't been nearly instant and part of what I 'felt', I don't think I would ever have become aware of this.

Recently I had a week where I was both unusually randy and unusually driven to daydream, often negatively. (I will consider the sexual stuff positive, but note that it was much more in the power-submission model than it normally is.) I just had too much energy in the lower couple of chakras and was too oblivious to do something practical and useful with it instead of wasting it. Anyway, after a week of a lot of negative, all kinds of crap started happening to me, separately, "bad luck" and "chance" and "coincidence" and ALL NEGATIVE. Finally it literally was in a group tackle on my life when I realized (from under the pile) that I had TOTALLY brought this on myself. I focused like crazy on positive feelings, on dissolving negative daydreams, and reality promptly started improving.

Since then I've been attempting to 'watch my focus' again. I haven't tried this hard in a long time. It's just as seemingly hard as it was the last time.

Why should 'awareness' be so much work? I guess we spend most of our lives training to just 'exist obliviously'.

PJ