Aeon Round, 27nov09

Tonight when I was doing the round -- the rosary-of-Aeons-mantra -- I was thanking some of them for having taught me something in the merge with Marcan. For giving me the opportunity to really feel something different. God knows if this were only in my head and never in my body, only semi-autonomous visualization and never spontaneous and surprising, it just wouldn't work at all. My left-brain (so to speak) is far too active for me to allow myself any of it otherwise.

It was all pretty normal for this round. I reached Nero at the end, he is the last if I begin at the top of the round with Ithikah. And suddenly, I felt nearly overcome with gratitude and wishing. I invented a whole formalized prayer designed to disable, override, remove, or render inactive, defenses and resistance and fears and more that would slow, resist or prevent he and I's fuller integration.

Then, while I was getting all kinds of groovy body-rushing-fuzzies from this, I had a sort of epiphany, in a way, though I didn't realize the mental part of it until later. That understanding, evolution if you want to use that word, is not even, not linear, for me or anyone, any more than it has been for humanity at large. I said, I will be courageous and aware like you, because you woke me, you were the first to get through to me, and you inspire me, and I will join you in this effort to "build-out" our larger shared soul.

And then waves of emotional gratitude seemed to hit me in cycles, like ocean waves on a shore, and I realized that to varying degrees, I actually had the ability to HELP him, not just by working on the same thing beside him in a way, but by intentionally working to bring everything I have into him too. There are plenty of energies that I integrate with better or easier than he does and vice-versa, that's just always the way it is with different aspects I felt, and I can deliberately help him with everything I am, and am capable of being or becoming. As a gift, of sorts. As my gift of gratitude.

Much more body-rocking energy-rushing happened then for awhile, particularly from mid-torso to about halfway up my head.

Aside from that the round was normal. I mean I assume this is just a rosary of sorts and normally these things do not occur during it. But much like practicing something daily (e.g. music) you get all kinds of novel creative riffs and ideas you wouldn't if you weren't doing it regularly.

I'm still a little fascinated by the other day's experience. I mean how I was doing tantric focus in the morning, but left that unfinished, and then Marcan (who was my focus that morning) was so incredibly "present" later, and we ended up in that merge. I feel I should intentionally attempt to do this with each one of my Aeons in turn just to see the results.

Unfortunately since my heater is currently out and it's cold, my teen is sleeping with me as my tiny room is the warm one, so that isn't real workable right now. Oh well--reality is what it is. Soon though.

I wonder what effect other offbeat things with a specific focus would have. I mean... if sexual energy, focused but without climax, can have that effect later, what about other body-things? Like eating? Smelling essential oils? Listening to classical music? Massaging any given part of the body? If one really focused on doing that "with" -- sharing the energy "with" -- one of the Aeons, would it make any difference at all, given a little time to integrate/absorb?

Are there ways of intentionally expanding one's integration with a given energy, based on other historical occult practices, like visualization of certain colors, shapes, invoking certain godforms (that practice is not for me, call it paranoia), or whatever? Would chakra meditations (which I feel, since the archmed that sort of ruthlessly "set them to begin opening-more-etc.", are expected of me) help, or would focusing one or more chakras' energy on a given Aeon make a difference?

I'm still flipped out by Nedlund being 'sound' and still working to wrap my brain around that. It gives me the most bizarre ideas as I try to understand it better. Like this one: If I were to put on, say, a purple light, and massage my left leg, and chant "ra, ra, ra" for a few minutes, while focusing on some given Aeon, would this 'open up' ANY 'area of energy' inside me for better integration? Would it have some different effect than a yellow light and chanting 'shreen shreen shreen' as I massaged my right hand instead? Or would these things have no effect at all?

Am I oversimplifying? If this is silly and I really am, then how can I intentionally work with a given Aeon aside from semi-ordinary prayer? Is there some way of going about this MORE powerfully, proactively, intensely, than how I am doing it?

Not to be impatient (...) but since the majority of my life is spent in NOT really evolving in any noticeable way, what few periods I have when I am really focused, I really have to maximize the results of, since it could be a long time before that kind of focus and growth comes around in my life again. I first met The Four more than fifteen years ago. I was introduced to the consortium a few years ago. It has taken me this long to finally accept it enough, despite that this bizarre perceptual framework does not fit into my western models of religion or philosophy, to begin working with it actively. I don't want it to take another 15 years to learn to accept this fully. Whatever I can do right now, when I am focused (for whatever reason) so much more than usual, seems like it would be a good thing.

I wonder if just dedicating "all the experience of a day" to a given Aeon would have any effect. You know, everything, every energy-of-experience no matter how mundane, trivial, crude, or interesting, just really holding a given Aeon in "awareness" and "sharing" that energy with them, every moment one is capable of doing so.

I wish other people did this stuff. I mean surely somewhere, other people do. I just don't find it written in the past or on the internet in the present. I wish I didn't feel like the lone ranger with so much of it. Where did these awarenesses, these numbers, the Four, the 12 in the Consortium, come from? Would the Urantia book have some category explaining this? God knows it's got some bureaucratic accounting for damn near everything else in the universe, at least so I hear.

It reminds me of remote viewing, aspect and archetype and chakra RV and my fascination with 'process' and experimenting with these, and a seeming vaccuum of that interest with most people I've known aside from ways to write stuff down on paper (oh brother. Although I grant that's a place to start). I feel like there should be at least a tiny world of people sharing similar interests with me, but those that might exist don't spend much if any time documenting it for sharing with others I guess, at least in a model like mine. I suspect I just sound like an out-there-weirdo being the one raving about it alone.

I feel like someday, someone is going to find my blog content in some obscure archive of the past and go, oh my gosh, this person had such similar experiences, I am not alone with it! (Concerning RV stuff, I have often felt that actually happens but it's many decades in the future and that person is another incarnation of me.) But with my luck I'll be long dead by then!

PS: Any 'ideas for integration' are welcome.

PJ