Med: My Biggest Problem, Take 3

"Do you think I should slightly rephrase my request?" I asked IG. "I find with RV and dowsing that a slight word change, even one word, seems to improve the result when asking for intuitive info on the same thing more than once."

"You can," she said affably.

"OK, then let's make this one, 'The problem I most need to deal with at this time'," I said. She nodded, and I bowed my head and waited for her to seem done.

When I turned, I saw a big bundle of hanging white gauzy curtains. Hanging from nothing, but very tall. About a 20 foot radius circle of them. I couldn't see anything inside. I found the edge of one and pulled it aside, and then finally another, until I was completely lost in them, and couldn't see anything anywhere but the veils surrounding me. I wondered what the veils represented and wondered if it related to death and the infamous 'veils' between lives, and the living/dead.

I turned to IG, who I couldn't see, but felt was just as present. "That's really... novel, and creative!" I said, suddenly impressed. It occurred to me then, that maybe the "creativity" of your IG is unique to each of them. They're like... reality-psychology-artists of a sort. Maybe they have a sense of evolution and pride in their own work with us, too.

I finally found my way into the center of all of those white gauzy curtains, and ran into something totally hard and solid. I put my arms around it, unable to see anything except the gauzy sheets everywhere, and it felt like a several foot wide cylinder, about six or seven feet high, of metal. I wasn't sure what to do with it, so I finally got out of all those curtains and stood looking at it all.

I put my arms around as much of it as I could -- about 1/5 the way around it, is all I could reach -- and I grounded myself, and then started sending energy to and through all the veils, telling them that I did not need them to protect this, and that everything would be ok. I had this overlay in my head of a story about Luther Burbank and how he developed the "spineless cacti" -- by constantly telling the cactus that it did not need thorns to protect itself because he would keep it safe. I always found that fascinating. I felt myself thinking- and feeling-at the veils as if they were the thorns, protecting something from me. Assuring it I meant no harm and it was free to go. I imagined that they rapidly dissolved into wispy nothingness, falling away in whole sheets, and the circle of them got smaller and smaller as my arms were better able to fit around the bulk of it as it shrank.

Finally there was nothing left at all except a tall metal cylinder a few feet in diameter. Completely enclosed. I had the vague sense that maybe there was something under it or inside it. I used the same approach as on the veils except this time I added the ideas of the water, chemical, wind, light of love all at the same time, and I watched the outer impermeable metal shell of this cylinder erode away rapidly until it was gone.

I was looking at a bronzed statue of a roman centurion. His knees were slightly bent and he had a big sword and a round shield, but I don't think he was wearing a helmet. (I kind of wondered about the soldier symbology, given the last arch had that too.) As I stood there pondering it, I "understood" that this was not a statue. I had this overlay of the Narnia movie (and books) and how the white witch had frozen life forms as statues. So I anchored myself and imagined my heart chakra opening and asked for Aslan and The Christ to help me out and I put my hands on his thighs and imagined pouring gold loving energy into him. After a few moments, I also imagined pouring some of my own blood and living biochemicals into him, to help restore him. And finally he started changing, first inside and then finally visibly, until eventually the metal-bronze was completely gone and the man stood before me, just looking at me quietly.

I don't know why, but I felt guilty. I don't think I've ever felt guilty with an archetype before. But I found myself saying, "I'm so sorry. I know there is no excuse, so I can only apologize for whatever I did to entrap you or create that stasis. I'm glad you're free. If you need anything, I am here for you." He didn't say anything, just considered me. I stood on my toes and kissed him, and he kissed me back, but when I tried to merge into him, we couldn't do it. I kissed him again anyway and told him he was beautiful and I was sorry and that if he wasn't ready to merge I understood or would try to, and I thanked him for spending that time with me.

I created in the palm of my hand an earring, something I felt represented his strength, his style, his independence, and I put it on him. He took off a big leather armband from his bicep, and he put it on me. I half-bowed to him, and he turned and disappeared.

I looked at IG. "I'm just completely incompetent apparently," I groused.
"You have the wrong expectations for this," she said.
"I just want to merge!" I said in exasperation. "I can't touch anybody lately, apparently!"
"That's not always the right thing to do," she said. "You are accomplishing a great deal."
"I don't FEEL like I'm accomplishing ANYTHING," I sighed, then added, "I'll be back... well, soon. For more. Thanks for your time and... your creativity."

God I really suck at these lately.

It's like restarting remote viewing after a long time out. It's such a hard curve to get back in shape it's just miserable. I guess that's it, anyway.

A little later, I asked Nero, "What would you have me do? Like for meditating?"

He said, "What I've already showed you."

I thought to myself that seemed kind of trivially stupid. Visualization? Why was that so important?

"Because," he said, answering my thought, "Your ability to hold a focus without wavering is necessary to develop before we can do certain other things."

"Oh," I said. "Ok... thanks."

I think I'm just depressive the last few days. I feel like such a schmuck.

PJ