"Inhibitors to Conscious Psi Functioning," I said by way of introduction. "That's the archetype I want. I know there might be zillions, but whatever would do me the most good to work with, that's what I want. I want to be more aware of psi information, within and without, and I want to be more interactive with it." She nodded.
When I turned, only the corner of the arch was near me. It was far too large to simply be behind me like a person(s). I walked around it, looking up at this big stepped stone pyramid, like the south American sort.
It had two differences.
1. Visual is not the only kind of info one can get; it can be conceptual, emotional, probably even physiological though I'm not sure I've ever had much of that. Along with the full impact of it, into my head came the word very clearly, Juggernaut. It had an odd feeling with it that was important. I couldn't remember what that word meant or was, assuming I ever knew. But it felt like it was not the right word for what the pyramid physically was--that felt like a similar word I couldn't seem to bring to mind--but that it was the far-more-accurate word for what the pyramid conceptually and functionally implied. Had that "there is more to this than you realize" feeling. I decided to just continue, and look it up when I finished.
Googled it just now, a few different definitions. The word I couldn't think of that better described the physical object, I now know, was ziggurat, the type of stepped pyramid built by the babylonians/assyrians etc.
Juggernaut; here's what I think relates:
- Any belief or object needing or receiving sacrifice of themselves by believers.
- Anything that crushes all in its path.
Geez. Fabulous.
2. The other difference was that instead of being complete levels like the pictures I've seen of stepped pyramids, it was a "spiral" from bottom to top. So you didn't go straight up it (though you could), you walked around it in ever-smaller squared-circles (symbol--the circle squared?) until you reached the top, where there was a small plateau.
I ran up it, speeding time, until I stood at the top, and looked out from on high. I didn't pay attention to anything out there, just wondered what I was supposed to do with this thing to get it into whatever form was normal for it so we could merge.
Since it was really, really big... and hard... I had the idea that maybe I should add to my repertoire the "lightning-of-love/life". Sounded novel. So I imagined that amazing amounts of lightning was striking it all over it around me, blazing a zillion volts of power into it. But after awhile, I saw and felt no change. That didn't seem to be working.
So I tried the water of life... no result. The chemical... no result. The light... no result. The wind and rain... no result.
So I sat on top of it thinking that this was an unusually tough one, but there had to be something that could be done to work with it, there always is. I flew to the bottom and walked around the whole thing. I saw something on the ground about 50 feet from it, a square darker patch of dirt (or whatever), and I walked over to it. I could see an edge of something and the square opened up, a lid, to reveal a steep small stone staircase going down into the darkness.
I thought it was interesting that inside an archmed I'm already "in/under" but this required going in/under yet further. I wondered if that itself was some symbolic statement.
I climbed down the stairs, and found myself in a fairly small, rectangle stone hallway that ended at the ladder and went into darkness toward the pyramid the other way. I went through it, but it appeared to be made for someone smaller than me, as I had to shrink to be comfortable. I walked for a little ways, and it dead-ended into another shaft that went straight up. I couldn't see anything but I climbed straight up, and pushed on something at the top, and moved it and climbed out.
I appeared to be inside the pyramid. As if they had deliberately left a hollow core, one that actually had stepped sides but in reverse, reaching up high to the top. I felt so astoundingly... alone inside it, or maybe singular or in solitude are better words.
I wondered why they hadn't just put a door in it if they wanted people to go inside, why I had to get to it from well outside it and then come under/through. I wondered if that had some symbolic meaning, then decided I was overthinking all this so I dropped it.
I'd been seriously considering what my boyfriend and I--who live half a planet away from each other alas--call "quality time". E.g. masturbation, which is pretty great in conjunction with archetype work. At more advanced levels this become a form of tantra (and you can use a partner and 'graft on' a godform or archetype to them as well), but I've sometimes used it simply to help me better "imagine the merge" with a given archetype. Thus far, this one didn't seem to be going all that well. It had taken me awhile even to figure out how to do anything at all with it and I now found myself with as little idea as I had when standing atop it.
"IG," I called to her, "Is that ok for this?" "If you like," she said.
So I imagined I was sitting on the stone floor with my favorite novelty toy and that perhaps "the spirit of the archetypal-pyramid" would at least be with me in an energetic sense. This was destined to be a fairly rapid event anyway (heh), but suddenly I felt myself yanked upward by the hands, dangling in the air, as if something had tied my wrists and then strung it through a ring at the very top of the inside for an adjustable rope, and my feet were at least thirty feet off the ground. Then it felt like an energy bigger than my whole body was trying to join me -- a rather odd, sexual version of the 'spiritual squishing', not exactly, but similar -- and so I just went with it and imagined pulling it all the way through me like my every cell was a sponge for the energy and it permeated me, which was a nice way to end that particular quality time in any case. Oddly though, although it was a bit physical, it wasn't the normal merge-rush feeling, just an energy-joining feeling.
I was a little surprised by the spontaneous way that kicked in--and the slightly disturbing symbolism with how it happened (not my normal style of fantasy for sure)--but on the bright side, something happened that was really spontaneous and that's always a good thing with these meditations I figure.
So I imagined myself released and sitting again on the stone floor in the fairly cavernous, if narrowing as it went up, environment with that aesthetically powerful sense of stillness and age and emptiness.
I thought, "But how can I interact with anything in here when I am so alone?"
And then I thought, "Well maybe it's not that the arch consists of a stepped pyramid I am inside of. Maybe it is as if the arch consists of 'this world', the air, the whole landscape or energy, and I am simply in the middle of something much bigger. Just because there is nothing perceived immediately around me doesn't mean there is nothing; I'm simply looking on too small a scale." Then I felt odd for a moment like I'd missed something and I re-said to myself, "I'm in the middle of something much bigger."
For reasons I can't fathom, at the moment this ran in near-words past my mind, it gripped me like a revelation of some kind, and I sat there thinking, "Wowwww! Whoaaaa! Yes, that's IT, you know?!"
That's what? I don't know. I guess you would've had to been there. Wish I'd been there. Because now that I'm out of it, I fail to see what is even relevant about that, let alone important. Sigh.
I told myself I needed to get creative. I stood and backed up so my back was to the wall at the bottom where I stood. I put my hands out and my fingers back against it behind me and imagined that I could turn the stone to say, rubber. Nothing happened, and I felt as if a whole spectrum of things were automatically tried and rejected by the pyramid until finally it accepted one, and flashed into thick blocks of ice.
It was opaque, and I thought at it, could you be clear? And with a flash it was completely clear, and I kind of marveled as I turned around slowly, looking out the walls at the landscape around. That was cool, and nice to know it could do that, but it didn't feel like I should keep it that way for some reason. So I let it shift back to stone, and returned to the darkness -- but somehow, awareness of its shape etc. inside -- where I'd begun.
I was out of ideas. I asked IG. I didn't get any answer, but I had some odd mental overlays of practicing Nero's visualization exercises while inside this thing, not sure why. I shrugged, and simply flew down through the outlet and back to IG and had her vanish it. I stood there struggling to say something to her, but I could only think of complaints and whining I realized, and I finally gave up saying anything at all except "Thanks." and I quickly left.
I used to have nearly every archmed be amazing and "work". Lately I feel like I'm in over my head and nothing's working very well. I don't really know what any of that means and I still don't know what to do with the archetype. Usually there is something wrong or different and I have to change that. This doesn't seem to have any singular quality. Well except the sense of alone-ness inside it. Wait, maybe that's it. Shit. Wish I'd have thought of that while in there! I'll have to pick up that arch again soon and try something related to that.
[Edited to add later: I finally continued this meditation in August 2008, in this post: Archmed: Gaia and the Pyramid.]
PJ
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