L'anna

I was touching base with the guides I have met so far. Nero nearly always appears where I first-ever saw him so clearly, to my left a bit in front and above. (I was sitting on a piano bench and he was standing beside the edge of the piano, when we first met. So, that position.) Taan stands right in front of me and I always 'feel' his good humor. Ithikah stands behind him a few feet but he's so tall I see him right over Taan's head. Bolehren stands to the front right corner of me, between the front and the side. Marcan* stands slightly behind me off to the right a bit so I can just see him peripherally but have to turn to face him. They settled in like this 'was' their position. I had the weird sense that I did eons ago in the Tower with The Four where it was kinda like we were all stars and our pattern relationship was orbits and geometry.

Anyway. I completely forget what I was doing or thinking but I was sliding toward dream alas. There was some problem I was aware of, and a woman slid her hands into my torso from the right side of me and began manipulating the energy inside me to help. After a moment I realized this was not part of the sort-of-daydreamish-something going on, and that this was NOT Bolehren who was standing next to her. I looked at the woman. She had sandy blondish straight hair, about shoulder length.

I suddenly realized that one reason they all seemed to desire me to be better familiar with them, is because I ought to just 'know' who is working with me. I shouldn't have to see them or be surprised by it, like once I was previously when Taan joined a conversation Nero and I were having.

I said to her, "You -- are you another Guide??"
"Yes," she nodded, pulling her hands back and relaxing.
"Stand in front of me so I can see you better," I requested, and she appeared where Taan was as he stepped back.

I considered her. She looked vaguely familiar, not like I had seen her but like I had maybe known someone who looked like her just a little. Or was it the 'medical' feel, I suddenly wondered? Then I got it: she actually, I felt, put this into my head: she looks a little like 'the Keeper' on that TV show 'The Invisible Man' - a woman who is a doctor... and more. I remember watching the show just recently and really noticing the woman and kind of wondering why I liked the character so well. I had the sudden sense that SHE (the Guide) was aware of all this at the time and had "helped" me focus on her as part of attempting to prepare me for her, sort of. I remembered Taan telling me that he had always been part of me, not just when I 'became aware' of him.

"IG? Is she part of Nero's group, my consortium?" I asked.

"Yes," she confirmed. It struck me that this one, like Nero and maybe Marcan*, had gone out of her way to proactively put herself into my attention; IG had not brought her, the way that Taan, Bohleren and Ithikah had happened. I looked back at her and considered her thoughtfully for a minute. I can't see her THAT well. I have occasionally almost-flashes.

I asked her name. This was another miserable attempt as they often are. I tried to be quiet and listen and feel but much like with Taan, what I really got is, "It is just like this-name but it totally isn't this-name at all, that's wrong, and it sounds different than that." I mean... that hardly helps! It sounded rather like 'something-anna'. And yet it wasn't like a whole syllable up front. Finally frustrated, I actually started putting it down (typing in my computer in my google spreadsheet where I was earlier working on meditation ideas), each syllable in a cell, attempting to go through it and 'feel from her' what was right.

Nothing in English was right. I remembered a dragon-energy I met in 1994 whose name I could best make out then as N'efsana. It suddenly struck me that despite not being able to hear my guides AT ALL until Nero, I'd been having whole conversations with something, obviously. That wasn't a guide though, I felt sure of it. But that in turn suddenly made me realize...

"You don't speak my language in your world, do you?" I asked suddenly.

"No," she said.

"But our worlds, they are... similar, right?" I asked.

"In some respects," she said.

I thought about that. N'efsana was so NOT human. Maybe Guides aren't all human? Maybe she emphasized that TV show character in part to help "build me" an image that was human and I'd be more comfortable with. Maybe they just take human form with me? Maybe they're killer whales or something, I once had an experience where I was a whale on a planet that was entirely water, that seemed an amusing idea. Maybe they just live in alternate realities?? I remembered how my previous IG as I got to know him and see him more clearly I realized he had odd spots and gills and white clammy skin and black eyes and then later he showed me that he was a gigantic frog-like creature and just took human form for my sake. Of course I was in love with him by then anyway--the nature of an Inner Guide--but well... still.

"How is your world like mine?" I persisted.

"The physical reality is very similar," she said, and for some reason I felt slightly relieved that she probably was human after all, though I'm not sure why it would matter. I had the feeling she was looking for how to say all this succinctly. "But the... communication and relationships and... technology, are very different."

I just sat there thinking about that. It occurred to me that what would be 'normal' is if I were really interested in that. Like, really fascinated, tell me all about your world and so on. Yet I had this curious DISinterest, I realized. In ANY of the worlds my guides came from. I mean intellectually that seems like the kind of thing I would find intriguing, and yet I couldn't think of anything that I felt less concerned about, like, totally don't tell me! I don't want to know! Weird.

"I feel like I should be more interested," I confessed.

"When you are in other worlds you learn what you need there," she said. "You don't need from your world to know anything of the others."

I remembered experiences where the female of The Four and I have shared a body, with one of us being 'the dominant personality' in some life on this planet and the other being something akin to a soultwin/guide inside. But those are always 'here'. I thought about possibly living in other worlds.

"In other worlds," I said hesitantly, wondering why this felt important to me, "Do you think I might do... do healing of a sort, anything like you do, for others?"

"I'm certain of it," she smiled.

But that ended all my momentary bare interest in the topic so I dropped it.

I had the feeling though that it was important that if I were going to be aware of my guides and have names for them, that they were comfortable with the name, that it worked for them, as if this had some energetic effect between us.

I told IG: "I am calling her L'anna because that's as close as we can get as I'm a little blocked as usual, but I think this is not really as good a match as it should be. She accepts it for now, but please help me get a better match to it. Please help me get to know her and come to understand what her focus energy is with me." She nodded, and I stepped back away from both of them and the woman guide vanished.

Then I decided I better write this down before I fall asleep. But I intend to go back and do another round with all of them, visualize holding their hands and talking to them as IG had suggested some time ago I do daily.

I suppose if there is no getting out of being forcibly introduced to them, and no getting out of being forced-to-awareness that we 'overlap', for whatever reason it might someday help me to be aware, that I might as well try and develop at least a good enough relationship with them all that I can recognize them more clearly. I owe Marcus some time, for sure.

As for blogging about them, well, I blog about my internal life. I figure if I go stark raving mad there will be some breadcrumb trail and I can serve as a warning to others. Or maybe somewhere out there in the universe is someone else with a 'Four' and so on and they will find me and feel relieved they're either not crazy or at least not alone in being so.

Subject change: I'm back on lowcarb again finally, for the last couple days. I'm telling myself it's just an amazing coincidence that I didn't finally finish that meditation until I was back on LC and that in fact while off it I didn't do any. I really don't see how my food intake could matter much to my spiritual life.

I just finished a cup of quality coffee with cream and 'german chocolate cake' flavor sugarfree DaVinci syrup. They sell a couple flavors in tiny bottles in the grocery coffee section, but the DV company has probably 100+ flavors of the stuff in SF (sucralose not sugar). Netrition.com has a $4.95 contiguous-US shipping flat rate and the bottles they sell are these huge heavy things, packed well, so any coffee freaks who like flavored sweetener, that is my trivia for the day. We had stir-fried chicken & broccoli peppers etc. for dinner. I am already missing carbs--sugar is my alcohol apparently--but I'll live. Someday I'll have to meditate on the animals I've eaten. That would probably be the one that really did kill me LOL.

PJ