Because my eating the last couple weeks has been terrible--all of those things--by last night I had realized that even my Albuterol inhaler was failing to clear up my lungs more than about 50%. My breathing sounded frightening, as it has for a long time, but especially because I'd eaten a bunch of pumpernickel bread with fresh garlic cheese spread just earlier. Even with the inhaler it'd be a miracle if I breathed much during sleep (I have such sleep apnea anyway), and by morning my asthma would be bad enough to make me sound like a Darth Vader choir. Again.
Some kind of self-destructive, I am.
**
As far as 'physical representations' of the Aeons go, I've spent more time on Mei Lee than any of the others. Maybe than all of the others.
The problem is, there is a picture, a painting actually, that she chose from my memory. A pointedly un-asian woman (go figure, given her name*), that I could have sworn was from a Michael Parkes painting, a Botticelli-esque woman but less soft, of red-blonde hair, pulled up on her head, with very fine alabaster features. Despite searching through every Parkes painting I could find online, and might I add that is really a lot, despite finding 'slightly similar' women in many of his works, I could not find this one, and the others did not have a clear face-shot. I had two different 'temporary' pictures which were not counter to the energy but didn't really meet it, either.
(Updated 21NOV09: Mei Lee later suggested that "Maelee" was better. Same sound, but my assumption of asian - because I have a friend with a similar sounding name - was incorrect. I guess that explains why she had red-blonde hair and such fair skin. I'm not sure how any of this could matter, seems like it could all be my imagination and I don't even HAVE a visual for some of them like Nedlund and Ithikah! Anyway so I've changed her name in the blog so the tags will work right.)
As retarded as it sounds (I know), when I am working on better 'attention to' and 'integration with' energies/entities/whatever that are, for lack of a better word, 'meta'-physical, it helps immensely to have something that IS 'physical'. Even just a name. A face. An idea. A symbol. Something which brings that energy into 'this' reality and anchors it here -- even if it's only in my mind. Although the desire to make this physical, like in talismans or jewelry, is still very strong with me.
Yesterday I spent a couple more hours working on a picture that SHE felt comfortable with and after much googling, finally found one -- imperfect, but workable. I was irked slightly, as it's of a famous actress and I much prefer paintings of people who don't really exist for the Aeons, or at least that I have no previous association with (such as Ray's); I feel like it "complicates" things, when I do. Especially when it's a picture of someone that in most poses is hardly the same energy but in that post just happens to look, I admit, strikingly similar.
So yesterday evening I was asking Maelee to work with me, help me get to know her better. I felt distant from her, though I imagine her standing just to my left. I asked L'Anna to help, as she is a healer, to help heal our relationship and bring us better together. I asked IG to help, and then it occurred to me (I can thank IG for this I'm sure) that I should look at my OWN body as if it were an archetype or healing subject, and look for blocks or other issues. I was surprised at how easily I was able to separate my perspective to a third place where IG had been standing and look back at myself.
There were these 3-D shapes/objects all over inside me, actually inside the larger energy-sheath of my body as well, an area about two feet out, not just the area inside the skin. There was a very large solid one right in the middle of my left upper arm, on the side but all the way through it. It was shaped like a squat cone, and seemed to be made of rubber. It triggered a memory in me:
In a near-dream state I once visited a healing team, some group of men, and when they focused in me I became aware of all these little tiny versions of that same shape and composite. I understood from them somehow, that these were "blocks" and the sense of rubber was because they were pointedly "non-conductive". They were energy blocks in the true sense. The healers removed these and they created these energy thoughtforms kind of like batteries, with lots of intense energy rolled into a tight dense short solid tube shape, but something almost like thin sheaths of protective material wrapped into these in layers, that would dissolve gradually over time, so the energy would bleed out into me little by little, ongoing.
So this was just a really BIG version of the 'non-conductivity block'. Why these are shaped like squat cones, I have no idea.
I put my hand out and wrapped my hand (it just barely fit) around the shape-object. I felt energy rushing through my whole body when I did, nearly like a minor archetype merge. I imagined dissolving that block until it was nothingness and pouring some energy in there to make sure it was all smooth and full and healthy, and I had real energy-fuzzies through my whole body during that.
Then I think I asked for the wrong thing, sorta. Or the right thing, but not what I expected. I don't remember the detail alas. But suddenly my perspective shifted, I was much farther away and above, and could see an 'energy body' for myself that was vastly larger though it got 'less dense' as it extended.
And way up high, "in" my energy sheath still yet quite far from my body physically -- in space, as I perceived it, it was about six to ten feet above my head -- was this funky metal shape, kind of like a tiny satellite dish, a concave shape with some other complications. And then farther up still, a few feet up, was another metal shape, but this one seeming more like a sort of cube with a triangle/pyramid shape facing away. I think maybe the shape is a symbol because I had the sense that the concave shape projected some kind of energy toward/into me, while also communicating something about my energy to that smaller shape which then sent that information out to... er, somewhere else. Except this wasn't normal. I mean it felt like it was clearly "manmade" so to speak -- almost more from technology than 'just' intent -- and it felt like this had some degree of interference in my energy.
I asked both Maelee and L'Anna to join with me and help heal me and I began the process of dealing with this, whatever it might be.
But apparently I passed out. I was awake, then I was asleep.
I slept longer than I expected for someone so asthmatic (my body normally wakes me up struggling for oxygen). When I woke up, it took me about 10 minutes to realize something was different: I could breathe. Better than I've breathed in six weeks. My lungs were TOTALLY clear. Now given the quantity of gluten I've eaten the last 3 days and so much last night and that I was wheezing profoundly when I passed out -- and it gets worse overnight and is terrible in the morning -- this was beyond just 'unusual'. I kept breathing in deeply in awe, like it was surely kidding, and any second now it would turn out to be some misunderstanding. But no. My lungs and bronchial tubes were CLEAR.
I had to credit this to Maelee and L'Anna as it's a phenomenon I have no other explanation for. When I thought of them, and thought a thank you at them, I got a whole-body rush, like an archetype merge.
This morning, after feeding the cats and so on, I went back to the meditation. First I asked to see all the body blocks related to Maelee and then first imagined clearing them up one by one and finally just body-wide. That was going pretty well so I asked to see my blocks for all the Consortium--my body was suddenly stuffed with every imaginable shape/size object--and I worked on just dissolving ALL of it at once body-wide. I had a lot of rushing feelings while doing this so I felt it was effective.
Then I went to work on the weird metal thing. This is like some kind of odd paranoia maybe? Why would I imagine something like that? Some interference with me from seemingly outside? Is there any such thing as 'outside' in an archetype model?! It is very confusing, philosophically and literally.
I had the sense that if I screwed with the small cube with pyramid-shaped end pointing up away from my body, that somehow... someone... would know. That it would get their attention. This is so ridiculous, I was thinking to myself. But you have to go with what you get or there's no point to this kind of work. So I asked for the Angelics and IG as well as Maelee and L'Anna to help me, and I said, I want this reprogrammed so that it will continue seeming to send the minimum signal expected which will prevent it or me drawing any attention to me. The equivalent of putting a static tape loop on a live security camera, to make it 'seem' like everything is fine and nothing is going on, the hallways are empty. This took awhile to feel like it was done acceptably. It no longer had a connection to the concave shape farther down. Then I moved it much farther out/away from me as I felt that wouldn't matter.
Then I tried to dissolve the concave satellite-ish shape, but it wasn't working. It was like it really was made of mental-metal and my ordinary "send energy at it" approach was having like no effect at all. I thought about it for awhile, waiting for ideas to come spontaneously. There had to be some solution, I told myself, though I was eventually feeling kind of hopeless.
Finally, I had this idea: if it were real, no matter what metal it was made from, there would be some molecular compound which would eat away at it. Like causing oxidation or rust. Nothing is eternal. All I needed was to create that compound, apply it, and then "accelerate time" in that object's space. So I did this, and watched it gradually dissolve, catching the dissolving energy in my own holding area, until the bowl of it was totally gone, then I directly applied that to all the odd shapes of it remaining.
Strangely I did not feel any rushing during any of this. IG has told me before I have the wrong expectations and that is only one sign of effect and that powerful things can happen without me feeling it in my body. I know I'm a child about this but I like the body-feelings. I feel it's so intangible without that.
So, it's just another day. But after six weeks of illness and being lost in the worst food-intolerance-sparked additional-asthma I've had in years, I woke up 100% breathing-healthy, and I feel I have better integrated with Maelee, and spent a little more time with L'Anna, and have dealt with some blocks in me related to them and others of the Consortium. So all in all, it seems to be going well.
PJ
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