Long ago (blogged in two parts in "IG and the Pagan Night" and "Gaia and the Pyramid"), I had this archetype meditation where the arch was a step pyramid like south american stuff. Except the step was actually in a spiral. And there was no visible way into it. The entrance turned out to be off to the side of the pyramid some distance, there was like a door in the ground and you went down into it, and then there was this stone hallway that led across (under) the ground and it went to the center of the pyramid at the bottom of it and then a door above opened up and you were "inside" it then. It was stepped 'in reverse' inside and it was fairly small. The meditations were kick-ass.
Well there are many differences... this pyramid was a bazillion times bigger, the distance to entrance farther, the entrance above ground, the stone path a road not a tunnel, and the pyramid different inside -- ok, yes, so they are almost nothing alike I admit -- still, the vision of this pyramid with an entrance in exactly the same relationship off to the side (except farther away, but then the pyramid was so much bigger, it seems like it's the same) and a path over there to the middle was just "startling" to me for some reason. It was in the season 3 episode 1 of SG-1. Imagine that the walkway is a tunnel and it's actually underneath the ground not above it, and this is just like the archetype turned out to be.
Musing --
I was talking to my buddy L about all this last night. You know, about: What's the point? OK, the whole 'The Four' and 'The Consortium' are... what, novel? More interesting than Mormonism? But what's the difference really, is it just another uniform, another trap, another doctrine in development, some funky perspective that's just wasting my time with some imaginative kick-the-can rather than something more useful?
I've often mentioned people I knew who went into some kind of mystic inquiry allegedly for spiritual reasons and ended up off the side of the road selling crystals... or whatever. If you see what I mean.
The Four
Thinking back, the first time I met the four it was as individuals. I didn't know them as part of our Four then. I met the Third (my mate) in several visions. I knew we had the relationship we do. From Bewilderness:
November, 1993
I sat down briefly, and found myself abruptly in a vision or dream. There was this blonde man, who as it turns out, was me. I don't mean he was symbolically me, or 'male energy' of me, or anything like that. I mean I literally shared his perception because we are really one, but we are still separate identities as well. I saw him as "another aspect of me." As if his consciousness is combined with mine but his... perception is slightly... larger. Because he's smarter, I mean, a slightly higher order of species. A separate individual than me in the physical, though, even though we could share our perception at times.
I met the Queen in several visions and dreams as well. Then I met her in what seemed a past life, where 'she' was the dominant personality in the body and I functioned like a spirit guide extension of her in some fashion.
And I wondered what the point of it all was even way back then. One thing I journaled touched on that:
November, 1993
There's something I realized as a result of that dream of the blonde-me. This is hard to explain, but seems to fit into it all for some reason, and I feel it's really important that I understand this, that it relates to all the odd things going on in my life. The realization goes something like this:
All acceptance is by faith. Not blind faith as "trust," but faith as an absolute commitment, and when you make the latter, you realize it is the former.
I feel as if I've made a specific commitment. When I made it, I didn't know the path, or where it led, or anything. I knew only that I would do whatever it took, wherever I was, whatever the conditions, regardless of anything else in the universe. There's a certain point where, when you know you're going to do something no matter what, the how and why and when simply become... irrelevant. When you get right down to it, you either commit or not: there are no "conditional" commitments. Which is why it becomes faith: you quit worrying about, or even thinking about, the ways and means (or even the goal).
The Four developed with me over time. Some journal quotes (thanks to Bewilderness):
October, 1994and
There is this one type of dream that I always remember, when in the dream, that I am there "all the time" or at least often, but not until today did I remember (while awake) having them. In them I am somehow four different people at the same time, and yet one. Two male, two female. And we're every possible relationship to each other and also merged. Every possible relationship. So for instance, the other female would not only be mother, sister, lover, daughter, but would also be every probability combination existence on the planet, up to and including the ex-girlfriend of a second cousin of mine, a political leader, someone I never heard of, indirect things as well. They all have the same thing with me and with each other, the four of us completely intertwine, like "the four of us compose the universe," or at least the human element of it.
The "aspect of me" that was the blonde fellow, or the one I called "the blonde-me," was one in a group of four including myself. Maybe there's more and I just don't know it. I wondered if multiple personality syndrome would explain such a thing, but finally decided that most of the personalities people have with that syndrome are, well, from this dimension, so to speak, and not usually quite that simultaneous, let alone in a separate body. I didn't realize that he was part of the four of us at first. My encounters with him alone were quite different than the times when I encountered all three of them together. When it was just he and I, it seemed more... fascinating in a way that shamanic creatures fascinated me. When it was all four of us, it was invariably an exciting, spiritual experience that left me feeling ... "holy."and
(As part of a dream of the future) Then last night I (as the four we, but mainly as the two [younger?] we's) were cleaning the eye, and we (the two older we's) said, We thought you weren't going to see that. And we [the youngers] replied, Well we weren't, but we've found a way now that we can see the future without it hurting.and
October, 1994
Well the other day I'm in the shower, and I'm thinking casually about the 4 in 1 thing, these dreams about me and three who are also me, and I turned my face into the water for a moment and suddenly the water reminded me of that vortex which reminded me -- Four in one. Four colors, four beams of light which were also sound; all of which had their own resonance, and then when they perfectly merged they wrapped around each other in a vortex providing a "doorway" to "some other dimension." The 4-in-1 dreams where we all merge and whatever thing we're doing together works. The round thing with the four beams of light: the circle squared, as magick calls it. All this stuff is connected. I was so shocked by the associations I inhaled and choked on the water. (Talk about baptized by an idea.) I think I get it. It's like a key. I don't actually know, though, if it is dependent only upon the "higher self" structure or if there are other ways of accomplishing that four beam thing with technology, and either way I don't think I know how to get to the "technology or method" of doing it.
I always wondered if this related to the four, but I don't know:
November, 1994
3,3,3,4. 9,9,9,12. These numbers came up in a dream, and I felt it crucially important that I remember them when I awoke. I haven't the vaguest clue what it means.
It got more comfortable over time.
November, 1994and
Had a nice meditation, sort of (what does one call all these states of consciousness?). Three others and I (this is getting a bit repetitive, I must admit) were playing and talking and such. And I said Hey, it's you guys! Cool! Let's merge! And when we did, I was reminded of how the first time I consciously remembered them, I realized we had "every possible relationship" to each other. Then it was like these rays of light connected each of us to the other; and then we merged, but those rays were still there, even though we weren't really separate; and then it was like chakras below and above the body (I had forgotten some schools of thought mention those) merged together in these bright balls of light, one ball above and below us, and then all the connecting paths between us lit up, with certain bright spots, balls of light like our chakras, in certain places. It felt very groovy, and as my perception pulled back a little bit so I could see us almost from the outside, I went Hey! We're that Tree of Life thing, in 3-D! I didn't realize that was connected to the subject. (Perhaps I'm coming upon obvious things that everyone knows, but they're fun nonetheless.) So perhaps the four of us really do "compose the universe," like my first impression gave me.
They seem to be getting more casual, I meet them more easily (though they often change form), and they often find my immediate "Let's merge!" approach nothing short of riotous. (I'm glad I'm such entertainment. Sigh.) Maybe there is some kind of diplomatic relationship one is supposed to have prior to this announced desire, like buying your date dinner first.
In fairness, I didn't really make anything all that special of this because I was having so much other experience around then, in the 93-95 era. Dreaming of Crowley and the Abramelins, of the future, having major waking visions, and the weird experiences that somehow blended alien, faery, and inorganics all in one, there was so much OTHER stuff going on that in the scheme of things, although they were special, they were just one of many 'weirdities' in my life.
I didn't realize until later this was also about them:
January, 1995
The first section was all about my "energy;" somehow breathing was not the only cyclical thing I did, but it was as if there were dozens of things my "body" did (maybe below the conscious level or even below the physical), and I was trying to get them aligned, and noting that many of them were blocked, it was like if you were watching a whole group of waveforms and they were crashing into each other instead of moving harmoniously together. Anyway, so I got most of them aligned OK, and my breathing evened out.
The second section was about humanity, the same sort of thing as with the first dream, except it was on a larger scale; more items to "synchronize" and with the overall world, not just myself.
The third section was something related to the first two, but hard to describe. There was some acknowledgement of everything (energy) in the world feeding into this one eventual unit, kind of like a drain, the way the energy swirled around in a vortex before going into this one place/thing. But there was this sort of distraction, it was as if just above that layer of "going into one" understanding, there were four "units" which would be better called "collective energy with a representative identity" that everything flowed into according to its matching nature. I was repeatedly trying to get past the four and back to the one which I knew was the real source, and the whole point of things. I varied back and forth between the two perspectives of one or four.
Anyway, I don't really know what all this has to do with anything, except the four elements of nature seem the obvious symbolism here.
Wow, funny. I didn't pick up that quote till today, and I'd forgotten the detail. Terms like 'distraction' and 'the whole point of things', energy and alignment and blocks -- are all part of the last day talking about the subject. Which is... what. Two months shy of 15 years later!
Well after 15 years I guess it's fair to say it's not going away soon.
The Consortium (also called The Coalition in the early days), I blogged about my meeting with them in The Tower, introduced to me by The Senior, shortly after I had met Nero, the first of them.
There were a bunch of people there, which was confusing. There is only me and the three after all. I looked for my mate, and there he was; I walked over and put my arm around him, and tried to kind of curl up and hide against his chest, like a shy child might with their mother. I felt intensely shy about all these other people, as if they were more than I was ready to deal with.
...They are 'of' you as well, the senior told me. I held harder to the third, not wanting to see. It was hard enough accepting that my soul could somehow have three others involved with it---let alone that I was a 'smaller perspective' than they were, and the fourth of four---that took years.
... There must have been about 12-16 other people there.
... It is already so, you know, he said. It is only a matter of acceptance. He was quoting me back at me!---I wrote that about my 'Abyss' experience back in my Bewilderness days. I gathered up my courage and agreed, and turned to greet them.
The people spread out from the four of us, and I had the definite sense of a geometric, fractal pattern, that the combination of us "composed" something. Long ago, I had merged with the three and had a similar sense.
... This time, there were lights less like white energy ball-spheres, and more like small but intensely bright glimmering things, and each person had several of them. We all connected together, as if the several we each carried were all fitted into a net or matrix or sorts, a pattern, somewhat spread out. I gazed on it from the inside and suddenly realized: it's like being within the stars. Like a star-map in 3D, like floating in space.
Every man and every woman is a star, I remembered once reading, and then I remembered my experience with a universe as an idea incarnate. My relationship within the four is of one nature; the added people are more than an expansion, they are more like a... like a different nature of connectivity
I'm biased, sure, but I suspect that in Cambodia, those temple towers with four faces? That this is a symbol for what I call "the four-fold soul".
I also suspect that in Vedic art, those gods with 8 arms or more? That this is how they are representing four (or more) personas in one. That the arms each holding a different object or symbol represent different identity-focuses.
So while on one hand I find nothing in "Western writings" to make me feel sane, to match my own experience, I suspect that some of that stuff in the East might.
My friend L was googling trying to find anything that would describe something similar like a group soul, or being one in four. He found this rather fascinating sync. This is I guess a book excerpt about someone's NDE. http://www.dharma-talks.com/soul_group.htm This syncs to The Four:
I noticed three other light fragments that became brighter. They had silhouette shapes. Not clearly defined but I recognized them as other beings. It seemed like they were separating themselves from the light and coming to me. As they did, I could sense them projecting “welcome home” as if we were family and that there was joy in our reunion. I never had those strong feelings in life. This felt stronger and more binding than anything I had experienced in my life. I was now home, together with these beings. Since then, I have come to call them my Soul Group or Soul Family.
And this syncs to the Consortium:
Beyond the original three, there were more light beings coming and joining us. They didn't really communicate, at least not in a way that you and I are accustomed to. There were maybe a dozen in all. Some of them were behind others so I couldn’t see them as clearly as the ones closest to me, but they were all around me. These others were like family, but not as close as the first three.
Huh. I don't know... seems like a big coincidence. I don't know how long it took L googling to find that but it seems the only thing he found. Of course we both know of the 'group soul' concept from Jane Roberts's works. It was the one thing I always found hardest to understand or accept, so it's so ironic it would be the one that has played the biggest part in my experience.
I wanted to know myself. Truly. That has led me to The Four, and eventually to the twelve. The Third of Four told me he worked with other groupings too.
Is there some point to this eventually, I wonder?
For the moment I feel like I just need to be consistent, and trust, and see where it takes me.
PJ
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