Guides

I had more energy today than usual. I felt as if I HAD to move. As if there was energy in me that I just had to 'work through' my body in some way. My kid was staring at me oddly as I did all the work of grocery shopping, loading, running into the house to put away, etc. without asking for help let alone insisting. I felt that my meditations at least right now will not be as good as if I were to get real exercise prior to them. I don't feel I got enough, but I do feel that what I got helped a lot anyway.

Tonight as I started my first meditation, it occurred to me that maybe meditations of this dynamic sort are no different than psychic work in some respects: that the intensity, enthusiasm, etc. that you put into them -- the "attention, intention and expectation" of it as McMoneagle and May said about Remote Viewing -- might have a lot to do with results as well.

I spent a bit of time on my plateau, surveying the world there. Hoping I can build that thoughtform back up. It used to be pretty realistic. Now I can 'sense' it at a low-level, much like I do most guides, but I really have to focus in order to 'see' it for example.

I looked around at all the guides that always start appearing the minute I show up there. I wondered again, what if anything I'm supposed to be 'doing' with them -- what is the point of it all with them -- and I felt as if IG were thinking through me that I should meditate on this. I had initially intended to just let her choose whatever I worked on.

I called Bolehren and again just focused on visualizing holding her hand, breathing in and out while we 'traded energy' through our hands. Then I did the same with Nero. I felt him much more strongly. Then I went to see IG.

I said for this meditation, I wanted to work with the archetype of my outer guides, this to include the Consortium, Stet plus any other guides that might be hanging around my plateau for whatever reason; I wanted to work on communication, on perceiving them, on whatever it was I was supposed to 'do' with them, etc.

I couldn't see the archetype, as if my attention 'slid off it' every time I tried. Since I have a block on most my visual/audio perception of guides I can otherwise 'sense', this didn't seem like a surprising quality for the arch. I paced around it, attempting to focus on 'the rain of love' falling on us, fed by me. After awhile, I sensed some external improvement in the shape of the arch, which I couldn't see but felt very 'irregular'.

I imagined putting my hands against it and "feeling inside it" the way I've done a couple of the last archmeds, like in healing work. I felt around for things that would be 'blocks'. But it was nearly overwhelming. There were blocks EVERYWHERE. There were so many, so deep, so solid, that it seemed like a 'rocky beach' inside the energy body of the archetype.

I imagined sending my subconscious into it like a computer doing a survey, which would make a list on a computer screen to my left of all the blockage-points. Initially, I had this vague idea maybe I could do something on the screen, in a visualization, that would work. But while I wasn't looking, because I was feeling out the arch, the screen morphed into its own autonomous display. When I looked back, the display had changed. It didn't have a simple line item list like I had made. Each row of listing had a thumbnail photo of a person that the block was associated with. It was clear the list was 'grouping' by the 'surface personality' which had acquired the energy block. The list was ridiculously long, but the more brain-crunching part was that it felt obvious, at that moment, that all these people were me. I mean... some aspect of my larger soul of which I share energy. That seemed like such an innovative, novel thing, that I had to stop for a bit and just gape at it.

Then I said to IG, "It's too much, IG. It's not that I can't affect the energy, I can. But this could take me years! I need help. Another archetype maybe? Would Responsibility be able to help?" She nodded and shrugged, and there he was. Responsibility is a surface, degraded word in our world; its real source is in "Divine Will" and "Dharmic Destiny" and it's by far the sexiest archetype I've encountered in 15 years. Anyway, he walked into me from behind and we put our hands back on the still-invisible archetype and "felt around inside it" for the energy blocks, so I could show him what I was dealing with. He stepped out of me and said something I couldn't perceive to IG, and there appeared two beings, identical it seemed. They were totally white. I said, "What is this?" and he said, "the Angelics."

I looked at them curiously.
"Are you a real angel?" I asked one of them in wonder.
"We are Angelics," it replied. "We are the archetypal energies of Angels."
I had the feeling that in SOME respects this amounted to the same thing. And in some profound ways, it didn't. But they were 'good', it seemed, anyway. I thanked them for coming, I assumed to help.

I began to work on 'dealing with' the energy blockages inside the arch, starting as close to root as I could. But it was instantly apparent that this was still going to take way too long.

I turned to IG. "What about if you just bring all the guides in question to me and I try to meet them?" I suggested. A line formed in front of me. I offered my hands to the first one, and we 'felt' each other energetically a bit before we mutually decided to try and merge. I didn't feel much. The next one in line was the same situation, although I felt that merge slightly more. I looked at the next one in line and it seemed like, still; there was just too much.

Then all the sudden, I felt as if I were 'aware' of 'The Four' in me. The incredible power and authority and understanding and courage of the other three. I felt like I could do this: I didn't have to do it in tiny pieces: I could do this all at once if I would gather up my intention and power and just make it happen.

I sat up straight, breathed deeply and then just imagined that I was 'all of that' and that I was pulling all the guides directly into me, in whole big batches, and integrating en-masse with them. I got QUITE the body-rush while doing this, so at least something I was doing must have been working! I got all of them inside me, and then felt pretty good about it. It might not have gone quite the way I planned, but it worked out in the end.

I chatted a bit with Responsibility, agreeing to bring him to me for some tantric time before too much longer. I thanked the 'Angelics' and they vanished as well. I turned to IG. "I couldn't do any of this without you," I acknowledged, and I felt such gratitude for her. I told her I would be back later tonight and let her choose whatever we worked on, and it didn't have to be an archetype; whatever she thought was best for me, I would let her drive.

Then I came to blog this before I forgot it, as I am prone to do at ridiculous speed lately.