The Four and The Consortium

I will probably never understand any of this.

In my case study Bewilderness from the 1993-1995 era of my life, I talked about meeting the various 'identities' which were 'a part of me', and our merging together on occasion. I called them 'the four elementals of soul.' I didn't really understand it then, and I still don't understand it now, I can only report on the experiences. Now I call them 'The Four' for short. I am one (the 4th) of the four. Or at least, I am part of it; it's a larger awareness. I sometimes am able to tune into it.

It appears there is one "core identity" which on some level we are always trying to get back to; like a spiritual seed. I dreamed of that before I met any of them. I was trying to get back to the center in the dream, which was like a vortex of some kind, maybe of water. But I kept becoming distracted instead by "the four primary representative elements" of that single-thing, which I later understood was my real first introduction to them, but indirectly.

There are four "elementals of soul" like the four major things in nature. Two male, two female. Each of the two sets merge, then the resulting set merges, and when this happens, all kinds of amazing things have occurred as 'experiences'.

I am the female of the seemingly 'younger' set. It isn't about age. The sense of youth relates to degree of awareness and amount of power.

They have shown me that we are all many things. People, creatures, light-beings, etc. I'm human so I perceive the major aspect of them which is. We have many human lives, I've seen, but usually there is one which is 'dominant' in us. (I believe this is why when I did the merging-identity RV session on Steve McQueen, I got so much on the Egyptian guy I felt was also-him. I think my work with 'The Four' has simply made me more aware of the 'dominant personality' of a given single-soul. Much like how Seth perceived Jane and Robb through a different identity.)

I've met and perceived each of them in deeply moving, symbolic scenarios. One time when we merged, all our chakras merged, and one below the feet and one above the head, and my perspective pulled out a bit, and it went into this 3D shape that I recognized immediately from Israel Regardie's books -- the Cabala's "Tree of Life" in full three dimensions (if not more). I felt at the time it was telling me that we compose "the universe" as we know it, when combined.

The Senior I see as a medium height, dark haired, medium-dark skinned man. I did not see him for many years. I was 'aware' of him, I just couldn't perceive him directly for whatever reason. I don't know why, I don't see him clearly now, but I did for awhile, for a couple years when I was meditating more. He is ridiculously powerful and he is 'the authority' in our four.

A couple of times he has 'stepped in' to affect me in some way. His commands automate my body without my conscious involvement; I later understood it was he who saved my life in the Northridge earthquake in '94. (I thought initially maybe it was an angel or something.) I didn't grok that until he affected my body another time later. He can radically affect me. I think if I perceived him directly and intensely I would think he was an angel or part of God.

He seldom directly interacts with me though. When he has, it has been profound and had pretty major life effects. As an energy he tends to take the role of authority through ISness, as Seth might put it; as a spiritual entity he is capable of 'being' everything and so having control over it. Which is another way of saying he is the most 'aware' of us. He is the 'the 1st' of the Four.

I talked about the other female ('the 2nd' of the Four) online slightly.
Dec 1994 Oh Isis - where my 'mate' (the 3rd) helped 'reveal her' and she told her name and time. [Many years later there was a movie 'The Fifth Element' where this woman recites her impossibly long name (in 'The Angelic Language') that reminded me so much of this scene in a way that I had a total flashback!] I met her though, I think previous to this but I'm not sure, in an experience where I understood that she and I had "every possible relationship" to each other that two women could have. As if we composed the universe of female in my reality.

Prior to this meeting, I had many experiences that involved 'the Four' of us. I had two dreams where she was 'dominant' in the 'personality' but we were both part of a person in another life. We seem to operate as a multi-piece-consciousness without ever being aware of it. One is 'dominant' in a given life. The first was part of someone in "pre-Egyptian" days, as I think of it, and I sometimes refer to her as 'the pre-egyptian' woman. She is VERY tall with a long head -- literally like in the pictures in Egypt. I believe this was not 'just' stylization; I believe she was part of a people that the early Egyptians wanted to be like. Her 'style' of energy seems to be the role of great understanding and compassion... very powerful and very much the Isis - Mary type energy of my world.
Jan 1995 Princess

I talked about my mate, the 2nd male ('the 3rd' of the Four) a bit online as well.
Nov 1993 Finding Me - when I first met him up close, as part of a vision. However I had regular interaction with him in both visions and dreams from that point on, most of them very powerful. I've had more individual interaction with him than any of the four. I once met him sort of 'in person', sort of... it was a vision, but one of the unusually 'tangible' ones that involved everything from an inorganic scout (ref Casteneda) getting me there, to several parallels with 'the land of faery' in Celtic lore, to gliding with the Greys in modern UFOlogy lore. All this stuff is wrapped together but God only knows how. His dominant human personality is from a group called the Noshaimus; they are a genetic subset of a people some modern UFOlogy groups call 'The Nordics', but I called 'the blondes'. His human personality may or may not be aware of me; I suspect he is, since I'm aware of him. But our true connection is spiritual, below that. His 'style' of energy is physical and 'courageous'. He is "The Captain of the Guard" in many ways, which I think is one reason I got the movie-context for him initially, was that role.

In 2005 I think it was, I had a powerful dream about the four of them. After what, a dozen years of regular experiences with them, most in dreams but some in visions and meditations, I had one where one by one, I found each of them dead, sacrificed in almost a messiah-like way, and I understood they had done this on purpose. It was utterly devastating to me, the most impactive experience I'd had like... ever.

Ironically that's the same year I had a lot of 'dying' like experiences, as if during sleep (when it turns out I was barely breathing) I was having minor NDEs but pulling out of them. I knew that I had done something major inside myself, for this to occur with them, but not what.

I was so emotionally distraught from this for so long that a year later when I finally saw them again I started bawling my head off and begging them never to leave me again. It was horrible.

In 2006 (after I'd seen them again, which only adds to the confusion. I was not in rapport with them like I had been previously. They still existed though. Go figure...), they introduced me to a 'group' of people. I understood these people to be kind of like "the next ring out" from our four. And literally to be in relationship to us much like planets are in orbit around the others. I called this group 'The Consortium', a group that gathered in 'The Tower', a place inside my meditation space where the Senior had told me to meet them.

Just before this happened, I had a couple related experiences, where I met a guide named "Nero." I actually had a blog by then, so those experiences are online. I gathered Nero-stuff into a post not long ago, here:
About Nero

When I met the Consortium I was horribly shy and inhibited. Despite a few meetings and working for some kind of integration with them, it was obvious I was not very ready. I felt just... overwhelmed. It is a HUGE adjustment to identity to deal with ONE other identity that is 'part of you'. Never mind an entire group.

Our culture has no belief system models that deal with this. That I know of.

I think the ancient Vedic entities with all the arms are in some fashion actually attempting to convey some of this concept of complex-identity, of many identities and many facets in one identity.

I've also felt the four faces on the towers at Maccu Piccu were referring to this, the four elementals of soul, one post with four faces.

Long ago I had the intuitive feeling that in Liber al vel Legis (Crowley's bizarre Book of the Law) I felt that the first part of verse 51 in Book I was referring to the Four. The initial building that 'appeared' in my meditation space, that it turned out the other three were there for me, was a lot like what was in that verse in some respects. (It later fleshed into a castle with 'the tower'.)

There are four gates to one palace; the floor of that palace is of silver and gold; lapis lazuli & jasper are there; and all rare scents; jasmine & rose, and the emblems of death. Let him enter in turn or at once the four gates; let him stand on the floor of the palace.

I once merged with the number four. An ineffable experience obviously. I don't know if it relates to my perceiving the four elementals of soul or not. Or if maybe I could as a result of the number merge. Who knows.

But I have found nothing in religion or philosophy that actually walks through these experiences and models that I have run into on my own. I don't know if it is some highly complex, mathematical and geometric personal insanity, some bizarre take on 'identity', or what, but it feels fundamental to me. By which I mean, I feel that this is all a valid and existing/common framework. It is just that for some reason our culture has not yet been exposed to enough of it for it to make it into the "common literature" of the people, to become more familiar.

I accepted Nero, sort of. None of the others. That was in mid-2006.

So... it's just about Autumn of 2008 and I finally met another individual from the Consortium--this is just my silly word for it of course--this one Bolehren, a female.

I think there are 16 in this group although it could be 12 or 24. I am not sure. But I have felt more than once that it is a multiple of 4.

My sense is that you can think of each core-soul as a sort of universe of its own. There is a single point. Then there is a twinning. There is a core four, the other two like the mate to the twins who themselves are mates. And then there are, like a fractal of star-geometry, further "layers out" of stars (souls). It's all in a pattern, with a certain set of relationships, as much geometry and astronomy and prenatal cell division as spirituality, as if all these things are holographically the same thing. Literally. Like somehow stars and bodies at some core level are created the same--and that this is modeled on spirit.

It makes sense but I'm not smart enough to really get it, I think, so I only truly 'get it' when the "larger awareness" of one or more of the Four is entwined with me. When I am only me, the human me without active merge with them, I can only remember that during the moments when I am 'more aware', it makes sense.

What I bring back from that, is that we are all much larger spiritual identities than we understand. Our human bodies are kind of a nature-creature symbiote that is 'part of' the consciousness of ONE single identity that bears our name. But that is only one facet of the larger us; there is so much more. And eventually if your awareness grows, you start getting aware of other aspects of your larger self. They can be perceived as 'Guides' and it's possible that a lot of people have encountered this but they model it as guides and they've just never run into the deeper identity-level relationship they have with those guides.

I sense that the more aspects of self we are able to integrate with, the larger our awareness -- our 'spiritual evolution' for lack of a better term -- becomes. I once had it modeled for me like a rainbow. The white light was everything. I was a small piece of one color, like one tiny frequency range inside a wide band of color. My job was to expand my awareness until I became fully aware of being ALL that color. And when that happened, then my awareness would start to expand to become aware of being other colors, too. Eventually, the awareness being large enough to reach the whole single-awareness of 'being all/none' that is the white light. I hope I am not making this even more confusing than it began. But this was a simpler model I got in the early days as an analogy and it seems easier to understand, to me, than the "fractal" that is geometry, astronomy and prenatal cell division all in one. As if maybe the very seed of our human life is exactly modeling the seed of cosmic life, too. Seth hinted at this.

I'm not sure I have the degree of awareness to truly understand it in this my human-facet normal state. I've learned to deal with that.

It has been 15 years since I first ran into the start of 'awareness' of The Four. And I think it's possible this was partly inspired by the spiritual 'awakening' of the 3rd of the Four, which I was unable to not be affected by (in Nov 1993). I think it helped amp up my awareness somewhat more than I would have had on my own.

I think it is time that I let go of some of the identity-threat that all this poses, and consciously attempt to make contact with, understand, and actively work with, the next 'layer' of identities that are part of my larger overall self. I call these identities 'The Consortium' since I gotta call them something.

So far I have personally met two; Nero, at length, and Bolehren, in the last meditations. I've met the other en-masse in the tower, as The Four have introduced me more than once, but I couldn't see them. At first I could just go through shaking hands. Once I went through absorbing like an archetype, couldn't feel it much. I still need a lot of integration it appears.

I still don't really know what any of it means. Only that it is deeply meaningful and impactive to me on the inside.

I wish there were some other writings somewhere that talked about this kind of stuff. I mean, it is a little confusing to say the least, but it is profound and powerful. It seems like at some point in the last couple thousand years of written human history, there would be someone who had also experienced this and talked about it. I can't be the first! Or the first during written-history in this reality. The only clues to it, and even these are just my interpretation, I find indirectly.

I feel sure that anybody reading my stuff must think I'm stark raving mad.

PJ