The Last of the Wall of Fear

I was in rereading what I'd blogged and just suddenly had the urge to go back to the inner world. Probably the music that was playing. I ended up in the Tower, with The Four, and a vague sense of some of the Coalition around.

I nestled in the arms of my mate -- the 3rd of 4 -- and I looked into his face more closely than I have in longer than I can remember. "Please, dream me," I said spontaneously, but with great longing. "I miss you so terribly. Please come see me soon, help me remember, so I will feel closer to you again." He nodded a little, and I laid my head against his chest and breathed calmly for a bit.

Then I had the sudden remembrance of 'The Wall of Fear'. In previous meditations I had dealt with all of it EXCEPT a small portion that I had left "in stasis" in the Tower. I called Nero and Bolehren to me, and IG, in case they could help in any way. I stood in the middle of the tower room, in the middle of the big symbol in the middle of the floor (have still not looked too closely at that), and summoned what was left.

It was in a bit oval mirror, and I remembered that was the last time I saw it; with that 'Mirror, mirror on the wall' association, and the roiling red-red inside. I got a good look at the 'colors of fear' in those former meditations. What was left appeared to be the fear-of-fear color. I asked for Archangel Michael and the Violet Flame to join me and I released the fear-energy from the mirror and took it back, at the same time attempting to 'transmute' it with sheer will, hope, faith, all good feelings set at maximum, and a sense of transmuting violet fire.

I didn't feel the fear really. That made me wonder if it worked. Because usually when I deal with fear things internally, boy I really FEEL it. I shrugged. I'd done my best. There was a tiny amount left, that had not come to me. I cleaned out the mirror and I dissolved it at the fundamental level, leaving only clean energy. I could have taken that to me, but I just let it go, and I felt the three absorb it.

I wondered if what I'd done had had any effect at all, given I didn't feel anything. Then I remembered IG explaining previously that my assigning all merit in an archmed to whether or not I 'felt' something strongly or felt a merge was incorrect and figured I'd just have to trust. I said to IG, "It seems like I've dealt with this, but my lack of kinesthetic closure makes me think this is not really done, and now it's back as part of me. Please help me work through this at all speed and either transmute it or release it, ok." She nodded.

I went back to the blonde-me, my mate, and again pleaded for him to not forget me, to dream me soon. I asked him, "Do you work with your guides consciously?" He said yes. I said, "Are you aware of your whole Consortium?" He indicated yes, with an added thought-info that he was in the middle of working with a larger, further-out group, as well as a different group of identities which were creatures of a wholly different nature.

I said, about his next-circle of identities (the one I call my 'Consortium'), "Are they the same people as mine?" I got a thought-ball in response, which when unraveled basically amounted to: they are unique identities, but their core energy as identities 'overlaps' a great deal with 'some' of the identities of those in my group. It felt like how Seth once explained reincarnated identities. Something like, most of the energy in that other identity is most of the energy in you -- but not all. Each one has unique energy too, so no two identities are identical. I looked over at the other two. "I suppose you're aware of ALL your elements," I said wryly. They just smiled.

I stood there another minute, wondering if there is something I am supposed to "do" with The Four that I was missing. I had the sense, I felt from them, that there really wasn't. I had long ago gotten that my relationship with them was fundamentally different than my relationship with the identities in the Coalition for example. They just "are". We are all part of each other. It isn't an activity based relationship, it's a pure ISness. But the Consortium and other guides, now those really were "interaction"-based relationships.

I decided to bow out of the Tower as I should get back to meditating with IG a bit later. So I thanked everybody and left.