It doesn't matter that your leg or wrist or 3rd spinal vertebrae did not have that emotion, at least as perceived (that caveat is critical). They might be the storage depot for that particular energy. More energy mapped to that energy/issue will store there too. Stuff enough biochemical in there, long term without venting, and all kinds of unpleasant results ensue, starting with psychological issues (denial/avoidance) and continuing into physical problems.
Why this is so--nobody knows. Dr. Johnson was working on psychocartography -- mapping the body to the mind -- when I studied with him and still when he passed away some years later. There was enough corroboration with 'common sayings' (especially historical, when culture was a little less abstract), and with 'psychological profiles of disease', and with the BG therapy and visualizations and effects, to testify there was something to it:
The body is the subconscious "manifested". The body isn't so much a 'map' as 'the territory itself' -- but most people have a hard time grokking that.
If your shoulder aches, your thighs are too big, your face is too flat, your eyes are myopic, those biological manifestations have an equivalent in the psychology, and if you're open minded you'll find that has an equivalent on a more esoteric level too. Find any one level that you can face, and you might be able to heal the other.
Well, maybe. Or like me you'll just have insight into the fact that they're related, and good tools for inquiry, but still have fat thighs 17 years later. Nobody ever said learning and doing were the same thing. I may live only to serve as a warning to others...
The energy body is just as real as the one we know better. Actually, 'energy body' is a ridiculous misnomer when you think about it. Even the physical body is just vibrating energy. There is no difference in your elbow and your astral elbow but their frequency, and the fact that one hurts like hell when you slam it into something.
The self is a whole "spectrum". I call it 'The Rainbow of Soul' which is such a great woo-woo phrase. The red band is the physical body as we know it. The spectrum from that to the 'mental' (yellow) band is the 'orange' band -- the so-called "astral body." (Which as a term I suppose is more accurate than 'energy body' or at least not as redundant.) Bottom line though, just because we don't normally see or feel it, doesn't mean it isn't physical in its own sense--it is, just not as "densely" as the one we know.
Everything is energy at root. So when you store a physical toxin such as in your leg, that is an 'energy' that affects the 'other levels of you too'. Not all of them, but at least those closer to the physical plane. I'm going somewhere with this, bear with me.
Until recently, I never wondered "where" my energy problems, blocks, repressions, distortions, wounds, or other "issues" were "located". Mind you I did think a lot about where my physical and emotional 'issues' were 'located' physically years ago when I was into Biogram study. But not about the less tangible energy issues. (Or, tangible but I do not recognize that manifestation as them, or it is below my radar for biology effect.)
I notice a funny tendency in both me and in stuff I read by others, to do this sort of vague hand-waving generality-without-locality when it comes to metaphysical "energy issues." The funny thing is that even left-brain retentive sorts like me, who will just nail the hell out of people being even slightly illogical in other topics, sometimes when it comes to metaphysics, it's like a lot of practical thought just goes out the window.
I think it's because a lot of metaphysics requires such suspension of disbelief to function that once you gain this as a skill, one tends to OVER-do it. It is a lot more difficult to find the sliding scale and fine lines and so on.
Say that I have some problem, who knows what in this example, but it's an 'energetic' problem at base. (Well, all things are, yes, but let's say we can't "see" any physical correlate besides some emotional issue that makes one react with upset to something.) I go on blithely talking about this energy, the 'archetype' that is the sum-composite-manifestation of that energy in my imaginal realm, the energy that I 'deal with' or 'let go of' or whatever. But I never until recently wondered:
- What is being affected by this energy besides me?
- "Where" is this 'energy issue' taking place in terms of the larger universe?
- Are there are other landscapes and life forms, geometries or other things, in the "frequencies" where that particular energy is obnoxiously residing?
My life had all these sudden traumas. Big problems. Stuff I worried horribly about. Why oh why was the universe DOing this to me?? It was so unfair. I was so angry at all of it, about it, at life itself. I was archetype meditating on it all as a whole one night, in a deep trance. I was working with the archetype which I couldn't even see very well when it happened.Now I assume that this is "modeling." I mean, I figure nothing or almost-nothing is "literal" in the inner world, right. Surely there were not 'entities of energy' that were "trapped in stone and bar prison cages in the dark." I assume this is just a creative world, in human-modeling, that my mind helped create in that imaginal middle-realm, much as I assume it surely must be that way for the old Captain of the Guard experience (although that was a 'spontaneous insight' not an archetype meditation).
It was as if the archetype or something grabbed me by the feed and flipped me upside down very suddenly. And when it happened, my entire "perspective" seemed to flip upside down as well. I could hear these terrible cries, these wails of such lonely agony it sparked my heart chakra in mercy, and in desperation to save those poor sweet things, I rushed toward this totally dark area from where I heard it coming.
I found myself in what seemed like a very small outdoor prison area, a little like some big animal keeps have, every cell made of stone, with bars. (I was familiar with something akin to this and with variations it took that form.) It was dark, but I could see just enough. I ran to each cage, and the moment I began, I understood with horror and grief that _I_ had imprisoned these creatures, and that their wailing cries, in that dimension, were the 'manifested problems' in MY dimension. And instead of responding to the 'cries of pain' -- the 'cry for attention' -- I had been angry at them for inconviencing me.
{All pain is a cry for attention. Why do we often accept this when it's physical, but not when it's on other levels or types of manifestation? - P}
When I was done, I went to the gathered group of them, feeling such apologetic, blown-away feelings about the whole thing. They forgave me, and I 'understood' from touching them, that it was pieces of energy I had at some point taken, and kind of "bound up inside me," as if to keep it for myself and from others selfishly, and then or later in response to their earlier cries, I had "stuffed it down deep" -- suppressed this energy so it did not have expression -- and it was lonely. It was part of the universe cut off or unflowing, and it needed to be part of it, the way a small child needs a mother but worse. It was I who had transgressed against them.
Right up until I'd been flipped upside down, I had been so angry, feeling that all these events were 'doing something' to ME. As if I had not a damn thing to do with it and they were so unjust. But I ended up crying and apologizing and feeling such love for them my whole chest just pulsed with it.
Within a few days every seemingly impossible situation totally resolved, even though I couldn't even imagine how it could possibly ever be ok.
But still it leaves the question: if we have some "problem energy", whether it is only perceived by us as metaphysical, or is stronger and is also perceived as psychological, or is really dense and actually manifesting physically... what is going on at the 'level' where that particular energy (frequency) vibrates?
What world, what possible life, is being affected by a bum knee, or a fear of spiders?
Is it possible that for all the obnoxious results we may see in our reality, that it's a whole lot worse or more direct at the level where that energy is directly manifesting?
This is just something I was thinking about earlier.
***
So I spent awhile just... "being and talking" with Nero and IG. Not in an official "doing something" meditation. Just asking them for a variety of things and griping to them as if they were sympathetic friends who had nothing better to do than hear my rambling angst.
They did give me some feedback but I don't remember it all much.
At one point I looked at Nero and said, Is it energy? Do you need more energy to be more proactive with me or get through to me better? I'll give you energy, no problem! He seemed to protest about that not being it, but I was distracted by the input from my cynical mind, Great. He's like the 'friends' in real life that seem like friends, but in one respect or another you kinda gotta pay to associate with them. That kinda made both of us laugh. Then before he could say anything else I blurted out a formal prayer that was like a blank check for energy allotment as needed. Then I said, There you see? I'm actually BRIBING you. So get to work! and we both found that amusing. It's always interesting to me to feel 'humor' from some internal identity.
I do remember at one point getting the feeling that just like the Four and the Aeons were introductions that needed to happen, and that in fact I deeply wanted I just didn't know it, that this new inner identity with the bizarre name in English (Ackrck) was along those same lines. That if I were serious about growth, I would quit asking and requesting and pleading of everything and everyone, and then instantly rejecting and bitching about anything spontaneous that comes through. I had a pretty strong sense that this is a pattern with me, and that -- well they don't feel "exasperation" but it was something mildly akin to that.
***
I did the Aeon round this morning and it took me 4x as long and I had to drag myself back to every one of them repeatedly. I could not keep my brain focused for the 20 seconds it takes each, repeatedly. I couldn't believe it. I've never had it be anywhere near that difficult.
This afternoon I went to see my mate/twin of The Four and made some official requests and security/resistance "override" commands in me for him.
I was going to meditate this evening, but passed out before I could. Now I wake up at some ungodly hour, gah. Stay up, eat, then be tired an hour into work? Or try to sleep and likely fail? I know, I should try to meditate on something hard. That'll knock me right out. :-)
PJ
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