Changing of IG

I had forgotten a lot of my previous work with previous Inner Guides. I had forgotten that they taught me things, talked to me now and then, and that "lessons" were often involved. This is important stuff, geez. Practical hands-on energy stuff.

I regret spacing this out. I see that in fact, I have spaced out many 'fluency' points, my works with IGs and OGs and more, that I had forgotten were even possible.

I understand now why I've been driven to collect old accounts. Not only have I seen a lot of new things via the 'connective' overview, but I've been reminded of a lot of options and opportunity.

I think this was the change from IG#2 to IG#3. (I am currently 12/12/09 on IG#4. The change from 3 to 4 is here.)

Journal Fragment (a later part of another med), January 11, 2006

I reminded myself to get to the med already. I went down into the arch area and when my guide went to get up, like to hug me or say hi, I saw that he was leaning on a silver cane with his left hand. My Inner Guide was injured?! I couldn't even imagine such a thing so I started thinking, what does this mean, why am I creating this? I go to him and I realize that this is different, but I feel it must be done: I have to work on him as if he is an archetype.

So I put him on an elevated table of light and I pass my hands over him and I feel that the problem is from just below his hip to just above his knee -- the entire left upper leg. I give myself xray-style vision so I can see 'into' the leg to see the injury, and I see the whole thing -- and it's (this is so funny) like clockworkings or something. It's like he is an android or something. I can see how gears are gummed and things like that.

Now I've had tech symbols in archs before, no big deal, but I still couldn't figure out why he was showing injury, let alone what it meant that this was metallic inside. So I do an ordinary visualization on him, and I clean everything et al. All seems well and better.

But something wasn't right. I stepped back from him, and looked at him. He was looking at me (I've gotten to 'see' him though it's still 'sensing', much better the last 11 days).

"What's wrong?" he says.

"Something isn't right," I say hesitantly. "Like I don't feel... it's not just like I don't feel a connection, as lack of practice or something I've a real problem with can cause that. It's more like... well ok, it's like, I did everything, and I finished it, and now I am looking at you and it, and I don't feel that "sense of rightness" in my gut. The one that tells me that it is ok, that I have done what needed doing."

He sits up, then stands up, and reaches for my hands and takes them, and as I look at him and he looks down at me I realize and understand: he is leaving me.

We just had this conversation not long ago about how he could NOT LEAVE ME without telling me. I said, "Oh no! Oh, no, why would you be leaving me? Why would I need to get a new guide now? Noooo! I've had you for so long! I love you!"

And he hugs me and I "grok" without words that it was a test. That seeing if I could differentiate between "just a visualization" vs. "a visualization based on a legitimate energy construct" was the point of it. His 'injury' and the inner leg he showed me, none of it was real, though it seemed no different to me on the surface than anything else. It was only the gut sense that made me feel it wasn't like other things I worked with.

I gave him a rather tearful goodbye, and he left.

I was standing there thinking, that is a lot of inner change for one day, having your inner landscape change drastically, and now my guide I've had for years has left me.

A new guide appears. I can't see him clearly, which is normal for me when just-meeting an inner guide, except this is different: most of them, I just can't see anything, just a vague sense of them. But him, I could see something pretty well, it's just that all I could see was a sort of white "energy envelope" around him, blocking him, rather than seeing him normally with features and so on.

I can't help but be a little distant from him. I know I will love him muchly, but right then all I could feel was that he wasn't the guide I had gotten so attached to.

I told him I'd like to do a meditation on an archetype that would do me the most good at this moment in time, whatever that was.

A gigantic, sort of inflated bird, maybe eagle-ish but not proportional (like a cartoon maybe), like 10 feet tall and nearly that wide, appears in front of me. I eye the bird, deciding not to auto-force it to size to suit me, feeling that the oversize was one of the things I needed to deal with as a process. I start the work of the first basics (cleaning/clearing, etc.) as that often has some effect on any symptom right off.

Then I feel that, like a meditation I had recently, that I needed to learn to work on issues as if they "were" me, rather than "projected outward" into the archetype. So I began to do what I'd done in the previous med where this idea first came across, go 'into' him, but it didn't work. He didn't want me there, or I wasn't ready, or for whatever reason it wasn't doable.

I was a little disconcerted, and then I remembered this movie I once saw, where a 'faith healer' sort of 'took on' a woman's musculature disease to heal her of it. I wondered if that was safe all things considered! Then I thought well, the archetypal universe in here is all ME though right? I mean it's already me. So I don't see why 'taking on' my archetype's issues would be a big deal. It's just then I'd be dealing with it very personally instead of from the outside.

So I 'took on' the bird's issues, and literally my physical body did this weird shifting at the same time I was visualizing all this. And then I called in various dynamics and processes to cure 'myself', with the clear intent that I was reflecting that arch and it was getting the same energy.

My mind wandered a bit. Then I felt as if my IG whacked me or something! Not hard, just a thump for attention. I suddenly came back to what I was doing, realized I'd fallen into a half-sleep half-dream instead of my med, and realized that my new IG had a way diff response to this: he totally expected better of me and was not as "open to whatever" as my last guide was. For some weird reason I felt the need to say out loud exactly three times, "I'll do better! I'll do better! I'll do better!" and then refocused.

When it was fully done I put my hands out and sent it my energy like a bridge or "confirmation" of our connection. Then I stood back, and I looked over at inner guide, and his face got slightly clearer for me, and all these realizations HIT me at once like a ROTE sort of. To summarize it all, it's like:

If you learn to attune yourself, you can feel everything outside, on the inside.

I used to do "reality med" exercises, where I'd look at 'patterns' inside to see a situation outside in my world, and work to change the patterns as needed. And "archetype med" exercises, where I assumed the archs represent my inner belief systems/relationships with energy. And often in either type of med, I'd get a feeling that a given "issue" for me was for example manifesting in my body in tension or an actual issue in a certain place.

The new IG made me realize I was breaking up into separate pieces a process which is really just a "continuum," just like RV and Tarot and other things are part of a continuum of psi.

I had a rewind of the memory of being in Seattle and once "feeling" colors inside my body, actually feeling where inside my body they impacted. (I'd had a small dose of that when highly 'aware' with classical music, of feeling the sounds as if they were colors and shapes moving around inside my torso.) In Seattle one day I could feel how different colors of 'real' things touched me inside my body and how fake colors mostly didn't (like signs). Walking to work a different way I came around a corner facing a vividly deep red rose bush, and it felt like those sudden shocking air-blowing eye machines at the old optometrists, except right on my heart! -- WOW. I still remember that pretty vividly.

I realized that this was an example of "feeling what is outside you, inside you."

I might feel it in my body; I might feel it like it is a geometry or shape; I might feel it like it is a strange creature I need to interact with somehow. But everything OUTside me, is INside me.

Yes I know! -- we know this, we've even talked about this. I do know that even my trashcan is a "reality dream symbol" that means something. If I desired to have a tall skinny silver trashcan vs. a short wicker basket vs. an ugly bag next to my desk, all these things would be very literal, physically manifested symbols, representing energies of me and of relationship with me. The same goes for people, events, locations, etc.

I abruptly realized that this was the point of the previous archmed with the inflated bird, that I half-got but then missed while doing it. I was right, in that, the arch is *already* part of me, so why would I need to recreate it inside myself. It was not that I actually created inside me the arch's shape etc. I already had it. What I did was *find it inside myself.* And then I went WHOA! flash to remote viewing and "if you could find it within yourself..." this ALL ties together.

There are several other 'layers' and things I don't even remember that was part of this but it really kind of amazed me, this really different way of looking at things -- and realizing that now, PRACTICE means actually DOING THIS in my life, just like I used to do a decade ago when I was really into reality meds and energy work -- feeling inside myself for anything that got my attention, and 'working with' whatever I found, even if it was just offbeat geometrical shapes or whatever. (I mean in normal life.)

Long ago, I had spontaneously done it right. I just had no idea what the hell I was doing. Now I understand what I need to do and how to do it and why. And better yet, I understand why this connects internally to RV yet is a way bigger subject even than the larger world of psi.

So, all that finally passed, and my new IG and I were then much more friendly and affectionate-feeling after sharing all that, compared to initially. And I say ok well, I need to leave, but my former IG has usually been giving me something to wear or absorb or otherwise interact with before I go, do you want to do anything like that?

And he said yeah, and he gave me a little container just like the one my former IG had just given me yesterday, which had contained a flattened oval of pure gold with ancient script on it. It's about the size and shape of an executive pen-set gift box.

So, eager with anticipation, I open it, and I can't really see what's in it; there is a vague sense of something actually blocking my sight, like a tiny piece of his white energy envelope.

I decide I'll just ignore that and reach out for the gift but then I think, no, wait a minute. I don't feel it's right that I should allow myself to "ignore not seeing." This in fact is a very literal problem I've had spiritually, resulting in dreams where I yell at myself, 'You must seeeee! You must seeeee!' so it seemed kind of ironic that I would be willing to "not see" in this case.

So I stopped and forced the tiny energy cloud away from me so I could see, and as I reached for it, I realized that inside the box were two sharp as knives horrid insects of some kind. Now, insects are common symbology for me as you know. So that alone wasn't shocking. And oddly I had no inner "gut sense" of revulsion or fear that I normally have with any archetypal energy that takes that form. It was just something that personally, I felt that was not good for me.

"I am not touching those things." I say flatly to my new IG.

Wow. Understand, I've never, ever, even considered NOT accepting something an IG gave me before. I've had meditations that took DAYS to complete, hours per day, required calling in every good arch, hiding behind them, doing the med with my eyes wide open in the daylight -- I mean, that intense, that frightening or scary. But I have never once questioned that what an inner guide gave me is what I should work with.

"Pick them up," he says.

"I'm not touching the f-ing things" I snap, not angry, just confused about WHY a guide would be giving me something that I just don't feel is right.

I wonder, is he a real guide? Maybe something weird is going on?? How could he not be real, he was so good for me in that med we just did with all those realizations about reality!

And he waves the box into oblivion and suddenly I can see him so much better! And he smiles really kindly now, and he says, "You passed a lot of tests today. This is a lesson of import: you are responsible for yourself."

I say, "Oh.... oh, wow. But wait. You're my IG. You wouldn't hurt me, you're part of me!"

And he said, "The only thing that really IS likely to hurt you is something that is a part of you. Just because something is a part of you doesn't mean that it is fully -- if at all -- integrated with your conscious intent, or that it will not on some level work against you or even harm you."

I thought, like subconscious sabotage. He said "Yes, though this is a much bigger subject than that. You need to FEEL inside you for what is outside. You need to FEEL whether a visualization is working for real or is just an exercise. You need to KNOW, and trust that knowing, when something is not good for you, and not allow yourself to accept things that harm you."

I had a variety of thoughts on many levels then, that he was showing me, about how this pertains to my daily life and relationships.

There was also a sense that I was about to get into deeper water in my meditations and interactions with.. whatever, and that these various lessons were critical to my operating on that level and safely.

I figured I better write it down before I forget it.


PJ